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Blouth Minders Jul 2022
Hold it. Feel it. It hurts. Just don’t cry.
Smile. Do your job. Go home.
Crying. The chest hurts. Muscles clenching.
You are fine. You are human. You are flying.
I am falling. Dark. Emotions took over.
Light. See your friends. Smile. Life is good.
I am alone. Numbness. Lips shaking.
Just like breathing, my life goes in both directions.
Which one will be definite?
I don’t know. I don’t want to know.
Blouth Minders Jul 2022
Just like a magnifying glass,
I can see everything clearly.
But you don’t!
Lay me on the forest ground, facing directly into the sun,
So I can burn this forest I call “my love for you”.
And so I started a fire!
Nothing left, but smoke and burned emotions.
I have to learn how to stop loving you,
So give me a break and disappear!
Move away, so I can forget about you. Please!
You chose to stay, and the grass started to grow back, trees are recovering,
But my heart will break again!
Unrequited love
Blouth Minders Jul 2022
I felt each hair on my body moving,
As you walked by.
Didn’t know the air tastes so sweet,
As I took breath in.
I felt my pupils expanding,
My heart pumping blood through my veins.
My mind was empty.
As high as I can be,
But didn’t take anything.
And for a moment,
I felt like I was in heaven.
Why can’t this feeling last,
And why does it only exist in my imagination?
A troubled mind pushed me back to reality,
And I’m miserable again.
I need another dose, so I won’t become delirious.
I need the drug!
I need you,
Love is a dangerous drug.
Blouth Minders Jun 2022
Scream and shout, but you’re not here.
Miles away, you are in you own sphere.
Pinch myself to feel some things!
But all I miss is what your presence brings.

Today I woke up with tears dried on my face.
Guess I was crying in my sleep, miss your warm embrace.

Your love ain’t real it never shows.
At least not to me, lord only knows.
I wish I have told you what my heart felt,
But our love is forbidden like me in a bible belt.

Pictured us loving on a sunny day.
But those pictures could never exist.
Cause your straight, and
I’m gay.
Blouth Minders Jun 2022
11pm on a Saturday night
And my chest started to hurt
Because since 11am
I’m thinking bout my life and it’s dirt
Wanted to numb my pain
But got nothing to take
Thought ‘bout sun and rain and drowning in a lake.
Wait, Who has time for a ******* rhyme!
Oh silent death how tempting you sound!
Aren’t you thinking bout your fam? -stranger wondered.
Yes, I am, to much all the time! Thanks for asking!
But sorry dad and mom, sister and brothers
Your love is unconditional, but my heart needs love from my own soul
It hurts, breaths getting harder, mind playing deadly game.
Went to a job on a Sunday morning
Did ******* amazing! Should feel proud.
Those people drained my living essence
Helped them all, and minute by minute I felt every drop of my blood flowing through my veins
I want to go home, be alone, cry alone, live alone, die alone! ****!
But here I am, writing these words
As if I will show it to anyone.
But it feels better…
6pm on a Monday afternoon
And my chest started to hurt again. God!
Wanted to numb my pain
But got nothing to take.
Getting high by my emotions,
And that’s enough,
At least for now.
Tragic and beautiful
Blouth Minders Mar 2021
I lit a cigarette.
Bright orange, red and smoke I see.
Poison goes in.
And I feel more alive!
As smoke, my thoughts are vague.
The flame is coming closer to my fingers.
I feel warmth!
Flame goes out.
So do I.
Blouth Minders Jan 2021
I found myself in the great burrow of nothingness.
Shall I close my tear soaked, life absorbing matter I call my eyes?
It seams that time has forgotten me.
Ground is nothing but a surface holding me from falling further.

Where is the exit sign that has hope written within it's frame?
There is no exit sign!
Not in the shape I expected.
There is a hand. Hand that is wrenching it's skin and bones to give me some form of life.
That hand is more than any exit sign could have offered me.

That hand is love, life, family and closest friend your heart could desire.
So I grabbed that hand!
And the burrow of nothingness becomes the burrow of everything.
To a very special person.
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