It's unnerving
To scream silently
Into a void
And be greeted
By deafening silence

I grow weary of this world
As I have time and time again.
The rush to rise in status,
To earn pointless promotions.
To find love,
To form connections.
It's an endless cycle
Of ups and downs.
To be happy on the good days
And numb on the bad to survive.
The battlements have stood barren
For far too long.
I will rebuild
And reinforce the stone.
For now I will rest in my cage
And let the world burn itself to ash
As the angels keep whispering
You will be saved
In a world that's beyond saving.

I've loved those I didn't know
I've hated those I loved
I've broken and been broken
I've been aggressor
And defender
I've stood shoulder to shoulder
With the bravest men and women
Among a storm of blood and bile
And I've turned tail and run
In times of strife.
To me it seems
The next change in me
Is only the flip of a coin away

I've reached the low
I'd gladly take any of those
Who've wronged me
Just to avoid spending
Another night alone

I'm drowning in a world
That I no longer recognize.
I see a stranger in the mirror
And I can't remember the faces
Of the people I used to love.
I remember the men I used to be
A million metamorphoses later.
I've seen every side of me there is
And every face has taken its turn.
Who am I now?

I won't be shamed
For the things I've done
The lives I've taken
I do what I do
For a reason.
My family and I
My brothers and sisters
We fight for your right
To call us killers
And spit in our direction
I once said I was a wolf
But I was wrong
For I've faced the wolf
And his savagery knows
No bounds
So we vowed to protect you
The innocent
The sheep
For the herd has us
To defend
And avenge it
The Sheepdogs

In between conscious
And unconscious
I see the things I dont want to.
Like the 37 days in Kuwait,
The fourteen hours in combat,
The two brothers I dragged
Behind the APC,
The 6 rounds stopped
By my plate carrier,
And the one that punched through
Shattering my clavicle
And ending my career.
Not to mention
My fireteam
Fused to their seats
After hitting an IED
All while I bled in a shack
Covered in blood,
Mud and ****.
The things I don't talk about.
The things nobody knows.
Because even telling the story
Raises ever more ******* questions.
And again.
I don't want to talk
About these things.
So count yourself lucky.
To be among those who read this.