joking all day to make them laugh, to make them happy
laughing at everything, just to be seen
humoring them, to keep them entertained
being full of energy, even when you're drained
being the silly one, even when you're drowning inside
and if the tears remove the makeup,
you must put on another costume, a new one
to make them feel the same happiness
just like a clown, but without a paycheck

We share one garden,
watering the plants together.
But you stopped,
left me in the garden, alone,
to water it on my own.
And I did— I watered the plant.
But when I got tired and stopped, just like you,
you came back and blamed me.
The plants were gone, and the place turned into a lifeless desert—
like our relationship.
You left me,
and want me to chase you,
so you can blame me again.

i feel lost
like i'm in a big forest and there is no light no map to guide me
to show me where to go
no one there to console me or help me to get to my destination
is there even a destination?
even when i'm lying in my bed
i feel like i'm running
my mind is running
i feel lost
even when i don't have anything to do
i want to fly
away
away from all of this
all of this thought
all of those feelings
i want to stop feeling
feeling this

I'm waiting for you..
I don't know who
I don't know why I feel this way
or even when I felt this way
I miss you
I don't even know you
but I hope you're waiting for me too
miss me
need me more
I don't know who

how will we meet?
when will we meet?
what do you look like?
are you older or younger?
are you taller or shorter than me?
will you think I'm funny or annoying?
will you see me as fragile or just a crybaby?

I want to see you
I want to know you
I don't know when or how we will meet
but if it were up to me
I'd fly to you immediately
can't wait to see you
my lovely soulmate.

a crack in the glass
a moldy fruit in a fruit basket
a torn page in a book
a broken branch in a tree
a difficult puzzle in a newspaper
a high note in a quiet song

we didn’t match
we never did
but i tried
and i’m tired

i was thinking of you
of us
do you miss me, like i miss you?
do you need me, like i need you right now?
i know i left
but every person who feels like this should leave too.

you made me feel unseen, even when your eyes met mine.
you made me feel stupid, even when you encouraged me.
you made me feel dry, even when we talked all the time.

am i imagining things?
there was something wrong,
i know there was.
but you didn’t care if there was a misunderstanding between us.
you continued to talk like nothing happened,
like there isn’t a big wall
between us—between me and you.

i tried to break it,
the wall.
i really did.
but if i break one brick—only one—
you will put it back again.
you will build it again.
and again.

you made me feel unseen, stupid, and dry.
even if i imagined this.
even if i misunderstood.
even if...
i don’t care anymore.

because this feeling will come
again and again.
and i choose myself.
i choose peace.
i choose me.

i don’t need you anymore.
i don’t want to feel unlovable by you
again.

and again—
my coffee has gone cold again,
because i thought of you,
of us.

Listening to your feelings,
your sad thoughts.
Listening to your voice,
to hear the crack in it.
Looking at your eyes,
to see those wilted gazes.
You always adored flying,
but now you prefer the cage.
You used to love talking,
but now you’re silent.
You used to fill me,
but now you’re empty.
You looked like a sunny day,
and now you’re the rainy one.