The brave face is beginning to crack
And let out everything that was held back
While I was acting like I was on track
Acting like there was nothing that I could lack
When this is a sad fact
My mind has been under attack
By my own mind and thoughts
So I begin to fix all the cracks
Hoping this thine it will last

I have gotten good at hiding these lies
Behind these green broken eyes
The pain and broken inside
That is getting hard to hide
And when asked will be denied
Pushing everything aside
While trying to keep everything inside
Looking like everything is great on the outside
Hiding behind these green broken eyes

I remember the Velcro wall
And the sumo suits
I remember all things involving you.
Now I’m sorry I had no clue
To be honest I would hate me too.
All theses memories coming back
When before they are what I lacked.
I don’t deserve anything but the worst
So for all that I am cursed.
I know that I am not the same
Yet for my past I am still to blame.
I was stuck in a shadow of people saying I didn’t change
But no one ever stays the same.
People learn and people grow
And living in a shadow is hard to show.
Now I know who I am
Believe it or not I’m working a program.
I battled addiction and still do
And I am kind, caring just brand new.
So know now that things are back
Know I am sorry for all I lacked
Now maybe I can stop thinking of you
And stop the dreams of you.
So I am sorry I should have been better
You deserved better

*missing you

Not for one second did I ever plot
Not for one second was it a forethought.
I never had “evil intentions”
And I never thought of seeking vengeance
Now let’s get a few more things clear
You were my best friend that I held dear
And you cut me off and made it clear
I was not mad I was hurt
I was just left bleeding in the dirt
I let it go to never speak again
Just to get blamed for someone else’s intentions.
So I did what I had to do
Was to keep things safe for me and you
But if your reading this just know one thing
I would have never done any of those things.
I loved you yes
And still miss you
But I know there is nothing to do
So know I am sorry for what you think of me.
Just please believe me.