This human body of mine
Craves the strangest of things at times...
When I'm laying in bed at night, all I can think of
Is how delicious some fresh macaroni would taste,
Or how much I really want a corndog,
Or when I'm sitting in class waiting for lunch,
And I start thinking about fish fillets,
And sandwhiches...With layers and layers of meat and cheese,
Or when I've just finihed eating something,
And a friend mentions what they just ate,
And I begin to want it terribly badly...
Why do I get these cravings at the weirdest of times?
Why can't I stop craving spanish rice,
Or Olive Gardens' breadsticks?
Atleast I got over my extream cravings for fries...
Nope, nevermind.

We all have our quirks,
Our own little weirdnesses,
But it still shocks me when
My Demon of Ice has warmer
Hands than me.

Sometimes words have way different meanings
When they aren't said out loud...
I just wish I knew how they were meant
to be heard

For some reason the idea of freedom
Has never seemed so far away

I'm a wild animal...
No matter how much I try
I just can't be tame.
Just when I think I've been broken
I lash out and attack
With violent words and razor fangs
And agony coursing through my veins.
This isn't what I wanted.
I'm trying to fit in and be good,
Why wont my old habbits die?
Why wont my wildness fade away?
Why does it linger inside me like scars?
Why can't I be the person I wish I was?

I was never one to count the stars,
I knew that I never could, so why try?
I didn't like to dream all day long,
Just to lay awake at night wanting and wishing.
I used to try so hard to focus on now,
But then I realized I'd rather look ahead,
Plan ahead, waste my time counting stars,
And whispering with you under the midnight sky,
Instead of being a boring old stick in the mud,
We'll paint ourselves a future with words and gestures.
Together we can create our masterpiece,
And we'll call it Our Future.

Sometimes I get the feeling I'm not wanted,
That people would be happier if I wasn't in their pressence,
That I should go away and sulk somewhere less public,
Hide my shame and become a wall-flower,
Dissappear into the background of a world
That couldn't care less if I die tonight,
But I don't want to.
I want to be wanted.
I want to be noticed, and present.
I don't care if I make you un-comfortable,
I have just as much right to be here as you do.
I won't sulk alone anymore, I've found true friends
That will be my strength in my moments of weakness.
I found that in this world of drab, dull greys,
I'm sick of blending in,
It's about time I let my true colors shine through

My heart's chords no
longer sound melodious.

he said it
he uttered the words not aloud
but still they were heard
and the meaning was felt as
the cutting edge dug in
and the sound of steel rang
in my ears
while whispers of his agony
drowned inside my mind

He’s so depressed he can barely
Hide it inside himself anymore
The look on his face pains
My heart more than the knowledge
That even I can’t help him
When he gets this way…

The crowed rooms of heartless
Fools add to the battle he wages
Inside the hidden parts of his
Mind where I can’t see him bleeding
Crying alone as I watch his face turn
Cold while his eyes plead for my help...

I’m no doctor, I can’t prescribe him
Pills to drown out his heartache
I’m not a dealer, I’ve got no drugs
To give him an escape from this
I’m not a magician, I lack the magic
Needed to cure him of himself…

I can’t make him like himself
Any more than I can make the
Moon turn into a shooting star
To wish upon. He lets me in
But only so far as the front
Yard to his prison of a mind…

Why won’t he let me see
The wounds he’s created in
His own self-esteem? I’d sew
Them up with delicate thread
And gentle loving hands if only
He’d let me get close enough…

Yeah, it *****,
But open your ******* eyes!
It's not the end of the ******* world!
Build yourself a bridge and get over it already.

I still hear your voice, faintly, in the crowded hallways.

Have you ever noticed the difference,
That a single word can make?
How I'm fine, and I'm alright,
Just don't mean the same?
And how some words are coded,
Embeded with hidden meanings,
Used amongst close friends,
When blunt speech wont do.
How Alien can be one person,
Avenue another,
The Drug meant a sweater,
And Turtle Soup meant ****...
How growing up, life was filled,
With stupid little words,
That you could say innocently,
While meaning so many other things...
Back when school wasn't a worry,
And college wasn't looming over us.
When our weeknights consisted,
Of around-the-house,
Ghost-in-the-graveyard,
And cops & robbers.
Words were so much more than words.
Words were powerful,
Words were strength.
Words held secrets,
A single word could mean anything.

Yesterday
I drove
Over
The bridge.

Everything I do,
Everything they say,
It all leads back to you...
And your morbid humor,
And your contagious laughter,
And our messed up "family",
And our last days as 8th graders,
And our big summer plans,
And our silly problems,
And our last pictures,
And the forgotten good-byes,
And the 4th of july....
With THE phone call,
And the horrendous news,
And the crying,
And the fireworks...
And the funneral,
And the kleenex box,
And all the crying,
And hugging,
And missing...
All of it...
Because we love you

I was right.
Fireworks aren't the same without you.
They remind me of that day,
When I stood at the window crying,
Watching fireworks that you'd have loved to see,
Missing you so much it hurt to breath,
Wishing you would hug me one last time...
You had this thing for fireworks,
I'm not really even sure why,
But you used to joke about them
Being your weapon of choice.
And every time I'd see fireworks,
I was reminded of you.

The one thing I hate about
Minnesota almost as much as the snow?
All the ******* sunshine

Lask week I cleaned my room for the first time in ages,
And wouldn't you know, I found something interesting...
I found a story I had started as a kid, tucked away in a folder-
Burried amidst a graveyard of clothes in my closet.
I stopped my cleaning and turned off the radio,
And read the words written in a childish scrawl.
It was something about dragons and magic
And adventures. It wasn't half bad, for a child's story.
But, as I neared the end of the last page I found, to my horror,
That the story from my past ended...

Mid-sentence.

Singing along to the music,
Dancing around in the crick,
Frolicking in the moonlight,
Acting stupid 'cause it's night
And nobody can hear us,
Because the trees wisper "hush,"

Circling the bonfire
Of twigs and sticks,
Fuel to the desire,
To test out some drinks,
Because nobody will hear,
The trees still wisper "hush,"


We'll fall to the ground,
In drunken mounds,
Not stiring till noon,
Even that's too soon,
We hear leaves swaying,
The trees are wispering "hush,"

We drink some more,
And then there are four
Of us still standing,
'Till we start puking,
And the world goes dark,
And the trees wisper "hush,"

There was this kid once, who went on an adventure-
to Coborns...
(Let's get this straight, right now, this kid wasn't me,)
Following the gray cement pathway she walked,
But the kid had this thing about bugs...
She never did like them much, but she liked them
Even less squished on the sidewalk with guts-
Spewing all over.
So this odd little kid walked purposefully,
But stared at the ground, so as not to trample one
Of those nasty bugs with her relatively clean shoes.
Well, the one time she glanced at the glistening waters
With birds swimming atop, she heard the noise,
Felt the crunch, of a massive cricket.
She didn't have to see it to know what it was,
Every detail of the pancaked thing was etched
Into the bottom of her gorey tennis-shoed foot.
The rest of the way to Coborns, she felt the cricket's body.
It wasn't stuck to her shoe, she was quiet certain,
But the after-image in her mind wouldn't let
The feeling of the cricket out of her thoughts.

On the return trip home, this girl,
(who, just to re-iterate, isn't me), made sure
To stop looking down when she neared the place of
The squashing. And to this day, she still wont
Look down when walking to Coborns.

If Earth is like a pebble,
then isn't skipping rocks,
just like destroying planets?
And if it is,
then are we all monsters?
What if the little rock-people,
see what's coming,
and decide to attack us?
What if all these years,
we've been drowning aliens,
just to pass time?
Time spent waiting,
to meet an alien.

Remember those days.
in that stuffy math classroom?
Shaking your 'poké-walker',
instead of paying attention?
We'd giggle and joke,
yet we still passed the class...
You told me I could have,
Your Lugias...
I cherished them then.
Remember when I'd braid my hair,
so it would be curly when I got to school,
and you called me Kitty?
Remember when you dubbed me Keichi?
Remember all those days in orchesta,
talking smack about Brady?
Remember all those plans we had,
to go off to college together...?
Remember that one secret,
that you never did tell me?
Remember...
Those Lugias became tethers.
That cheap plastic bracelet,
more precious than gold.
Remember me?