The piano sings
as
you tap the keys
in
a lonely lighthouse
of hurting repetition,
because even as you sit there,
you are letting go,
and the piano
is rolling away from you,
its voice stopping
and plunging darkly
only to stop
and look back at its
footprints in the sand,
the ones
against the edge of salt water
and the breakers
coming in
to break things.

The sun
is a pink moan,
the dusk
is
a blue happiness,
the stars
are white
memories
of the earlier loving hug of fog
and you have painted the day
at your piano.

She loved rolling L's,
I'd plop down on her bed,
she'd have A$AP or some
OFWGKTA on,
she was a New York girl
in skinny jeans
and camo Jordans
with them gold doorknockers,
a transplant
both from there
and into my life,
she'd run her pink nails
long as needles along
the Swisher,
and I swear
she had to know something
about internal anatomy,
cause she'd do that ****
to my belly button;
how long have you been practicing?
How many bodies have you split open
and left for dead
in the ashtray?
You rolled a tight L,
and I hemourraged
for five minutes,
it became a local anesthetic
until the procedure
was over.

The woman could do more
than just lick the insides clean,
she was humane,
she'd fill it back
with something you could burn.

She could roll L's
to Webster
all day,
not even the big L's
like love, lust, lascivious
more like
loner, longing, and live.

If there are Demons inside of me,
then there is God.
No metaphysical
Jesus-Freak ****,
but the God that was there
before Bibles and Holy Roman Empires and even Holier crusades,
I'm talking about the God who ****** up one day and said,
"this place needs humans."
I'm talking about the God who put these Demons inside of me.
The God who came to me
when I was having a bad trip
and told me--
even as I'm tripping
and seeing pureed bodies
slicking at my feet and
I'm thinking *******
about screaming for help--
"It's going to be ok."

Everybody has eyes
black
as the palmlines
in the ocean,
every fish
is a little ****** up
and I hate that I am one
of them too,
hate that the fisherman
knew it,
even as he pulled the hook out
and tossed me in the freezer.

What imma do is this,
imma walk up the tributaries
to
the river of demons,
where the demons
let ***** and eggs out in seizures
Imma shake their fins
and learn how to fan my legs
like them
and flap my arms
like an idiot,
I will become one of them
until I am not one
of me
and have enough gills
like palmlines
to fool you.

You don't even know
what a love poem is.

I'll show you,
here and now,
a love poem
is a rose
and a rock,
a love poem
is a robbery,
a love poem
is dropping Neruda to your girl
and thinking about the next caper
when she's not there,
a love poem
is thinking your girl
is yours
that she's a girl
in the first place,
a love poem
is a lie
just like
me saying I'd never leave
was a lie,
a love poem
is remorse,
a love poem
is hatred
of both the inside
and the outside,
a love poem
is me seeing through you
right to your heartbeat
and punching
you
as you sit exposed,
a love poem
is **** in an *******
all of me
made to hurt you,
a love poem
is ****
and the ensuing
yeast infection.

A love poem
is like trying to put a band-aid
on an ulcer,
a love poem
is a lot like love,
if love was watching cartoons
on ****
and thought
it saw the Holy Trinity
as Ed, Edd, and Eddy.

Shut up about it,
quit tripping,
give me a sec,
there not gonna see us,
you're more gone than me
I can see you fading,
all right
imma turn here,
I'll pull in and park
before they see me,
if it's a checkpoint,
shut up,
they didn't see us,
I'm sure
because I'm sure,
let's just pull in here,
**** the lights
and let our seats back.

Breathe, breathe, chill, breathe,
breathe
a little less,
I've had too much
fear
for tonight.

Imma sober up on your breath,
Imma ride out
only when the sun rises
and I can wipe your residue
off the dash,
Imma worry about
the birds in the back
in the morning,
just breathe, chill, breathe, chill,
go to sleep
like ice.

Lord Forgive me,
I have talked about love,
I have talked
about love,
I have broken commandments
on my skin,
I have killed a thousand
dogs
in my mind,
I put arsenic
in Jesus' cereal,
I placed myself
at the center
of the world
and lit a match,
I have put my heart
in precarious positions
and called women
demons,
I have stolen $3,000
from my family:
credit cards
maxed out,
private stashes,
blacked out,
I even asked my own momma
for a few dollars
for something to eat
when you know where
I went; how I fed myself,
Lord Forgive me,
Lord
*******.
Lord Forgive me
for ******* the You
in Me,
no born-again **** here,
I'm just placing a collect call
out to the galaxies,
please accept the charges.