I don't know how to deal with this feeling of
Staring at ceiling .
Trying to piece together how I feel.
I don't hate you,
I just hate that I keep hoping you'll come back,
And we'll be together again.
I don't hate you,
I hate   my fargile heart,
That somehow keeps waiting for you.
I don't hate you,
I hate myself for believing,
That we could be great together.
I don't hate you,
I hate the moment where I said yes to you
And ruined the beautiful friendship we had.
I don't hate you,
I just hate that I still want us to be something.
I don't hate you,
But I guess I'm starting to.

He had wonderful eyes.
Not the type which makes you feel lost,
But the ones which makes you feel those butterflies.
The ones which look cold,
But are warm and dreamy.
They were quiet,
But beneath those eyes,
Were thousands of emotions,
Some fears,some tears.
Something that was meant to be mine.
I found something to hold on,
In those empty eyes of yours.
He had wonderful eyes.
The eyes that made me realise,
That what I see in them is just an illusion.

As I look at you,
I loose all my words
You are like a dream,
I die everyday in desire of living it.
I see you with her,the girl of your dreams,
I wish you could be with me with all of my fantasies.
You are the ocean,
So cruel so cold,
I drown everyday,
And you just don't care.
I hate to see you with her,
The girl of your dream,
But the idea of you in my head,
Never let's me sleep.
So I'll write this poem for you,
So you read and know.
But I know,
You'll never know,
Because till internity
You'll never be mine.

Pain is all I have.
There's no one to listen,
No one to care,
No one to see,
The pain I have within me.
Thousands sleepless nights,
There's nothing left that is right,
No hope,
No way left to cope.
I'm here all alone,
I know I've messed up,
But I'll make it right,
Allright .

I'm better off all by myself,
You took my pride away,
Leaving me with anxiety,
But I'll find another way,
You trying taking my life,
You target my weakness,
Burning my strength away,
But I'm not quite there yet,
You ain't seen the rest of me,
And I'm not giving in .

I'm loosing my sleep,
I walk in a line between confidence and suicide  .
I lost some people long a way,
Oh what a shame.
Demons torture my mind,
And I'm losing my mind.
I'm riding on broken dreams,
It's getting harder to see,
Slit my wrist ,****** fist  ,
Questioning why I exist.

Walking in the line between,
Panic and losing my mind,
Loving the madness.
The devils whisper in my ears,
Reminding me all my fears  .
I live in a nightmare,
There are no angels no Hero's,
Out here,
It's me and the demons laying here,
Dancing in the dark space,
Loving this madness.

Everyday I wake up sad,
A broken state,
I look in mirror and practice smile.
Everything is in the eyes,
I want to let people see I'm fine,
I'll never reveal that I'm broken,
I'm not able to breathe,
And those tears that hide inside.
I'm drowning deep in  the water of sorrows,
There's a ocean in my head.
Everybody loves me,
Cause I pretend like there's nothing wrong,
But no one knows that deep I'm hurt as hell.
And I'm broken.

Though the problem was mine,
The reason was you.
Though you were there in pain,
But the painkiller was not you,
Though the bruises was mine,
But the reason was you.
There are chains over my mind and heart,
The chains are you,
While I slit my wrist,
The blade was mine,
But the blade was you.
Though the note was in my hands,
It was you're weight that sffocated me.

A book with several chapters,
Some sad,
Some happy,
Some adventurous,
And each chapter holds
Memories,
And these memories makes this book more amazing.

All I want to have in this life is you,
You're the reason I'm here,
O yes you're there,
Far far away,
Somewhere I cannot reach,
But when I'm in trouble,
Darkness all around,
Nothing left ,
Oh I see you,
You're there for me ,
Yeah,
You're there for me,
All I want in this is life is you,
Just a little bit of you,
Yeah all I want is you
You're the reason of my smile,
You're the reason for me to live,
You live too far from me just like the moon,
But I still feel you're presence within me,
I just want to tell you that,
In the end,
Together we ascend to paradise beneath the moonlight.

I was always unnoticed,
When one day someone felt I was missing,
Lying on the floor,
Marks on my wrist,
Few spots of blood,
I was lying there.

Tears in few people's eyes,
On the way to the treatment,
I was gone,
Who should be blamed,
Was only question left.

Under too much pressure,
Abandoned by friends,
Life was a curse,
It hurt a lot to finish it off,
I left a paper,
Just to tell,
I was strong,
The pain was too much,
I tried, I cried, I wared,
But ended up dead,
This society failed me,
Now you tell me,
Who should be blamed.

The dead don't die,
They are alive under the graves,
Watching through the holes,
Watching people shedding wild tears.
Watching them standing alone,
All black,
With a rose in hand ,
They watch them.

The dead don't die,
They live in the memories,
Heart,
Feeling of love,
Loneliness,
Desires,
In the sad smile of their loved ones ,
They live in their tears.

The dead don't die,
They just keep us watching,
Living within us.

I heard your voice today,
Telling me not to cry.
A little gloom - filled voice,
Telling me to set all the memories free.

I felt your cheesy tone again,
Convincing me not to remember you.
I felt your hands creasing my cheeks,
Telling not weep.

I heard your voice again,
Telling me to let go things.

Let me tell you,
The grief I'm suffering from,
The tears I'm shedding,
Is just love no place to go.
It's all love I want to give but cannot.

So here I stand ,
With rose in my hand,
Until we meet again,
I'll hold you close to my heart,
You're the reason
I live for.
To let go of you ,
means killing myself,
So here I stand,
Until we meet again.

There's a written rule book,
That tells me how to be,
To talk or do things,
That everyone likes.

So I left this world,
Started living in my own little world,
I was not lonely,
I was powerful.

The writers of the book said,
You're not beautiful,
You're different,
You don't fit here.
It's good that you're gone.

But it was not a matter,
I left this world of rules for myself.
Here I was not being twisted,
To fit someone's image.

I was more than beautiful here,
My beauty was not limited to a word,
It was beyond the word beautiful.

The world behind this rule book is much more different,
I'm who I'm,
I'm the king I'm the queen,
It's much more great than fitting in something for someone else.

You see that I'm hurting,
You see what I'm doing,
Yet you say it's best to stay strong.

You are me,
Yet are different from me.
I never wanna let go things,
You always say me to let it go.

I never believe in me,
You always believe in me,
You are me " warisha",
Yet you are different from warisha.

I always try to run from you,
But you are always there standing for me with your hands wide open.

There is always a fight between us,
I wanna end,
You want to live.

So let's end this fight,
Let's be friends again,
Let's fight with this world again,
Being one.

I won't turn away now,
I'll show you my scars,
I'll except you because you are me,
Let's keep this company forever,
Until we feel alright.

Guess I'm born in wrong place,
I really don't belong here ,
Everyone has a problem with me,
Whatever I do never seems right.

Never able to express if I do,
I get into a fight.
They say  " we live in a democratic country".
Show me my freedom,
Show me what I have got.

I want to be free,
Give me my rights or I will flee.

When I was in my darkest phase,
You entered my life as a sunshine.
You made everything alright on a cloudy day,
You're indeed my sunshine.

The truth is,
When I was broken,
You were the one who held me up.
You knocked on the  door  of my life as an Idol as an hope.

But now it's the time to say the truth.
I like you. Alot .
And to be honest it's kinda scary,
I don't have enough strength to ***** things up now.
I know you're not with me,
Nor you'll ever be.
Still I can feel your presence and love around me.

The thing is I have fallen pretty hard for you.
I don't know,
Will I ever be able to See you.

The only thing I want you to know,
That you're the only person that stays in my where no one has ever been.

I'm my biggest enemy,
I'm my last hope,
I just don't know how to overcome.

My mind is always on a marathon,
My best can't compete.
My worst self is hard to win.

Constantly in a state of depression,
Even if my life is best.
It's different kind of  obsession,
Loving your own hell.

One day I finally knew,
What to do and how to cope.
I began through the voices around,
I kept shouting,

You can't keep me in this cage,
Tell me lies,
Put me down.

Release me, let me go,
I have so many things to See and do.
Release me.

Every night I measure every grief I met
With my eyes.
I wonder if it weighs like mine,
Or has an easier size.

It feels so old pain,
It haunts me every night,
I wish someone had warned me when I was a child.

Now I stay up all night and cry,
The ghost of all the pain and everything I lost,
Comeback every night to haunt me.

I'm kept awake by endless chatter of my inner self.
Talking of old hurts,
While anxieties resound throughout me in multitudes.

I could be calm all day long,
But as it gets dark,
My mind roits.
The haunting memories ,
Change me into an emotionless monster every night.

I was lost,
I guess I was sad.
why didn't I tell you,
I did, I showed,
I said I was not feeling well,
You said its common ,

Thousands sleepless nights,
I tried to tell you,
You said the same.

Finally I got a mask,
A smile,
It made me look happy,
I guess I was strong again,
Still you said the same.

This time I came to you with " I'm fine " ,
Everything changed,
All those millions around me were happy.

Still I was hurt,
Sad,
But not one was ready to hear me.

Standing infront of myself,
Tears streaming down my eyes.
Seeing my hole universe breaking apart.

I wish you would have heard me,
I fought, battled and tried,
I cried for help,
You were the same.

I'm too tired now,
Maybe tomorrow,
Or never.
First I thought I was living,
But I just existed.
So may be never,
Bye.

I wish I could change,
the way a girl changes clothes.
I wish I could the way I think,
Obsessively,
Incessantly,
With maddening hunger.

I wish I could change,
the way cat changes home.
I wish I could change,
The nervous breakdowns in me,
The suffocating feeling in me.

I wish I could change my memories into new,
But now I know,
If these wishes ever come true,
What made me change into this would never change.

When you left me,
I use to grieve and shed wild tears,
I tried to start bravely with a gallant smile,
But ended up in loneliness.

Before you left me,
I use to smile seeing you infront of me,
Now you're tucked in beautiful memories of mine.

I know you were too tired to fight,
I wish I could bring you back,
Share my words with you,
To tell you that you never left alone,

You left taking away my smile, heart and strength.
I wish I could tell these words before to stop you,
But now I'm left alone fighting with these words.

Walking down the street,
On a gloomy evening.
I saw you,
My world flipped,
It made me feel like the sky when the sun returns on rainy day.

Eyes deep as ocean,
that met mine taring my soul apart.
Your eyes that gave me thousands of butterflies.

Your cute bunny smile,
that made my heart skip a beat.

Your eyes, smile,
made me wander what I look like in your eyes.

I'll never forget that smile, eye contact, which made my soul catch fire.

Sorry I cannot be the one you want,
I cannot be the shadow of yours.
I cannot walk like you,
Nor I can talk like you.

I'm sorry I cannot except your dreams.
Nor write or study like yours.

I want you to knock on my door,
Ask me what you want,
Ask me are you happy or just putting a smile on.

I want you to understand my struggle,
My dreams,
Don't burie me inside the comparison of your struggles and dreams.

But now I'm not sorry,
I only have a bit of yours ,
The rest is me myself.
I'm sorry now towards you,
But I don't want to be sorry towards myself in future.