I'm my biggest enemy,
I'm my last hope,
I just don't know how to overcome.

My mind is always on a marathon,
My best can't compete.
My worst self is hard to win.

Constantly in a state of depression,
Even if my life is best.
It's different kind of  obsession,
Loving your own hell.

One day I finally knew,
What to do and how to cope.
I began through the voices around,
I kept shouting,

You can't keep me in this cage,
Tell me lies,
Put me down.

Release me, let me go,
I have so many things to See and do.
Release me.

Every night I measure every grief I met
With my eyes.
I wonder if it weighs like mine,
Or has an easier size.

It feels so old pain,
It haunts me every night,
I wish someone had warned me when I was a child.

Now I stay up all night and cry,
The ghost of all the pain and everything I lost,
Comeback every night to haunt me.

I'm kept awake by endless chatter of my inner self.
Talking of old hurts,
While anxieties resound throughout me in multitudes.

I could be calm all day long,
But as it gets dark,
My mind roits.
The haunting memories ,
Change me into an emotionless monster every night.

I was lost,
I guess I was sad.
why didn't I tell you,
I did, I showed,
I said I was not feeling well,
You said its common ,

Thousands sleepless nights,
I tried to tell you,
You said the same.

Finally I got a mask,
A smile,
It made me look happy,
I guess I was strong again,
Still you said the same.

This time I came to you with " I'm fine " ,
Everything changed,
All those millions around me were happy.

Still I was hurt,
Sad,
But not one was ready to hear me.

Standing infront of myself,
Tears streaming down my eyes.
Seeing my hole universe breaking apart.

I wish you would have heard me,
I fought, battled and tried,
I cried for help,
You were the same.

I'm too tired now,
Maybe tomorrow,
Or never.
First I thought I was living,
But I just existed.
So may be never,
Bye.

I wish I could change,
the way a girl changes clothes.
I wish I could the way I think,
Obsessively,
Incessantly,
With maddening hunger.

I wish I could change,
the way cat changes home.
I wish I could change,
The nervous breakdowns in me,
The suffocating feeling in me.

I wish I could change my memories into new,
But now I know,
If these wishes ever come true,
What made me change into this would never change.

When you left me,
I use to grieve and shed wild tears,
I tried to start bravely with a gallant smile,
But ended up in loneliness.

Before you left me,
I use to smile seeing you infront of me,
Now you're tucked in beautiful memories of mine.

I know you were too tired to fight,
I wish I could bring you back,
Share my words with you,
To tell you that you never left alone,

You left taking away my smile, heart and strength.
I wish I could tell these words before to stop you,
But now I'm left alone fighting with these words.

Walking down the street,
On a gloomy evening.
I saw you,
My world flipped,
It made me feel like the sky when the sun returns on rainy day.

Eyes deep as ocean,
that met mine taring my soul apart.
Your eyes that gave me thousands of butterflies.

Your cute bunny smile,
that made my heart skip a beat.

Your eyes, smile,
made me wander what I look like in your eyes.

I'll never forget that smile, eye contact, which made my soul catch fire.

Sorry I cannot be the one you want,
I cannot be the shadow of yours.
I cannot walk like you,
Nor I can talk like you.

I'm sorry I cannot except your dreams.
Nor write or study like yours.

I want you to knock on my door,
Ask me what you want,
Ask me are you happy or just putting a smile on.

I want you to understand my struggle,
My dreams,
Don't burie me inside the comparison of your struggles and dreams.

But now I'm not sorry,
I only have a bit of yours ,
The rest is me myself.
I'm sorry now towards you,
But I don't want to be sorry towards myself in future.