I don't need to use a metaphor.
for the way our love erupted and took over a town
For the way there would never be enough water to quench our thirst
Or the way
your oxygen
gave me life.

I was in love. Never again.

Dear future me:
Please be forgiving.

Dear past me:
You got this.

I took myself out
for coffee

I hope she likes your singing.

.

And im staring to think that god doesn't love me at all
if he created pain he's just watching me fall
and if god created it all, then he created sin
so us poor fools
didnt have a chance to begin
so I smoke cigarettes for the same reason i fall in love;
i like to hurt, thanks to god above
I tear myself up from the inside out
and I get drunk so I know who I'm writing about.

Your lips are calloused
from smoking that entire pack of cigarettes

My liver is screaming
from all of that alcohol

My hair is grown now
almost to my shoulders in the back
if i pull on it

Maybe it was time for a change
*or maybe I'm just changing so the old me doesn't have to miss you

I had to get drunk, and read sad poetry
just to cry over you.
We both know that
This is the way it has to be

I'm only sad when I see the moon
because I know
you're enjoying the sun

Everything is happening
exactly as i figured it would

i always love to be right
to have that "upper hand"

but what i would give
for the simple pleasure

in admitting to being wrong

There were pictures of us on the wall
Right above the bed
and a note you wrote in blue ink with a felt tip pen
you slipped it in my pocket
when we went to the park
and we acted like idiots and raced to the swings
remembering things is too **** easy for me

im not even trying and words are pouring out
on to a plank page

feelings i thought i forgot about

*but i never could forget the way you sigh in your sleep

a philosophy of life.
because you can't know why

some of us liveand some of us die
or why the light caught your eyes

in my bedroom that winter night
as the days got longer,

you planned an escape
far away for better days

and you said you'd still love me.

maybe tomorrow
I'll wake up
and i just won't care

maybe tomorrow
*i just wont wake up

I'm sitting in my sophomore English class.
Taking notes on grammar
And learning what a metaphors does
Clutching my copy of 'Lord of the Flies."
And wishing the loud boy next to me hadn't spoiled the ending

I still find time for you in my thoughts, though.
you wouldn't have told me that two boys die and then they're saved.
you would have reminded me
That I'm already good at grammar
"hell you correct me all the time!"
And that my metaphors are nice.

You'd shake your head at me whilst chuckling.
About me sitting in the corner
With earphones jammed into my head
So that I don't have to participate.

Even though its the beginning of this year
It sure is blending into the last one

The pretty ******* the train smiles at me,
But she's uneasy.
She doesn't know about me
or anyone here

The old man with the small reading glasses
reading yesterday's paper
He is merely a background character.

He has his own life outside this moving box
  Just as I work forty hours a week,
and spend all my money on cigarettes

They won't know just by watching me nervously scribble on a napkin
On the 5:15 train
Heading east to god only knows where.

If life is all a masterpiece
and we are all creative artists

my existence is nothing more
than a color by numbers.

I guess it's not that bad

However, the numbers don't add up.

The cigarettes you smoke linger on your clothes.
You're with pretty people
So you don't have to be alone
You say you're not afraid of death but it still makes you cry
You wake up and drink black coffee
Read the paper a day late
There're messages on the machine
But you don't care what they say
The sun shines outside.
But you lock up your doors
Sit inside and question
If there's something more
Than what we have become.

Always called "Daddy's little girl."
Until daddy found a whole new world
One that was charmed and great

Daddy's little girl just wanted to come too
But it was better if she just stayed in her room
Cause daddy had some errands
He would be back in a bit
When he came back, he'd have some kind of present.

Daddy had some problems that she just couldn't see
He found help in pill bottles and assorted things
And daddy's little girl grew up big and strong
Now her and daddy just don't get along.
And even though she's pretty upset
Daddy's little girl doesn't know any different.

We sat in a triangle
The green **** camouflaged with the grass
Your laugh camouflaged with the blowing of the wind

You were both getting high
And talking about adventures we would go on
Maybe later in the summer

I was sober and I didn't mind.
I wanted to tell you that you guys meant a lot to me
But it wasn't the time

It got quiet and we all breathed in the silence as if it were oxygen
16 weeks from now,
This will be the moment that I think about
You.
Me.
Him.
The trees.
If a moment lives in your head
And the imagination of those who read about it,

Does it ever actually die?

I haven't been sleeping well these last couple days
I'm busy drowning in "I'm sorry's" that I'm not responsible for.
You're busy drowning in the tears you cannot cry
Usually I could talk to my mom about it
But she's busy drowning in alcohol and text messages from her boyfriend
I usually wouldn't worry. But there's no lifeguard on duty.

Today I picked up a pencil in a pathetic attempt to banish all the bad thoughts.
I wrote about you.
How we haven't been talking.

I wrote about my dad.
About how I don't want to hate him

I wrote about how I stopped getting high with my friends.
And how I should be focusing on important things

I wrote about how I stayed the night at my best friends house.
And how I took too much ambien and how it made me cry all night.

I meant to get all these thoughts out But now I'm swimming in them.