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 Jul 2013 Violet Hooper
hkr
1920
 Jul 2013 Violet Hooper
hkr
i don't feel like i've
really been born
yet

it seems like life doesn't
start until the age
of 18 or 21
~

The lovelorn boy desperately hung mistletoe.
~

Color me in dark red apathy.
 Jul 2013 Violet Hooper
hkr
oh.
 Jul 2013 Violet Hooper
hkr
oh.
i kissed a boy
i had no feelings for
because his drugs
made me forget
about the boy who
took all my feelings
with him.
 Jul 2013 Violet Hooper
hkr
maybe if he smelled like you
i wouldn't cry
when he ***** me.
 Jul 2013 Violet Hooper
marina
it was so dark that i couldn't see
his hand slip into mine, and i was numb enough
by the end of the night that my head didn't realize
what it meant when he reached under my skirt;
for the first time in a long time i felt something,
even if it was only skin against bone
(i had already known i was
a skeleton of what i used to be)  

later, another boy came along
and kissed my bruises away
(ones i didn't even know i had until
they were gone, but i felt them like
phantom limbs when he had to leave)
and every time his fingers touched
mine i felt it deep in my chest, like a
kick-drum pounding over and over again
                (i thought maybe love like that could never end,

but really, he was just another dream waiting
to become a nightmare)
gah, i'm sorry, this is unedited and whatnot because i really can't make myself read it over right now.  but yeah.  the first part of this happened almost a year and a half ago and it's something i never told anybody ever, and i've been having nightmares about the second boy because we couldn't have happy ending and we really shouldn't have tried in the first place because we were both too broken to fix the other completely no matter how hard we tried.  anyway, i had to get this off my chest so even if it's not the full story these are parts of it so please conscience stop bothering me now i'm tired of your guilt-tripping and ****.
 Jul 2013 Violet Hooper
hkr
our dads left
matching bruises
where our hearts
should be

and when you kissed me
i realized all those lullabies?
they'd never fixed me
touching bruises with love --
or otherwise
only makes us blue

i'm sorry, so sorry
we should have been
something beautiful.

if i hadn't already used up
all my kisses on missing you
i'd make it better.
but i was just another foolish girl.
 Jul 2013 Violet Hooper
hkr
lbr
 Jul 2013 Violet Hooper
hkr
lbr
i write about wanting to
see you
talk to you
be with you

but in actuality
if i ever had the chance
i'd run in the opposite direction

because you'd be
all too
real.
and i am a coward.
I have a few unhealthy habits that my therapist wants me to shake.
Chewing my nails is a nervous habit, he says.
Smoking cigarettes is only a crutch, he says.
Gorging/starving is a personality flaw, he says.
Drinking alone will cause problems, he says.
Falling for those who are leaving, have left, or are simply out of reach is a death wish, he says.
Hating yourself simply won't do, he says.


Tonight,
a hot summer night,
spent cigaretteless,
loveless,
and sleepless,
teach me more about myself
than Doctor Eric Schlanger, L.C.S.W.
ever could.

I know not about the feelings I have,
and the urges I get.
I know not when they'll come,
how long they will last,
and what my actions shall be.

I'm a mess.
This is the only way to describe it.
I'd rather breakdown in your arms,
than be at ease alone.
 Jul 2013 Violet Hooper
hkr
i've been thinking of going to sleep
for hours now
but every time i do
i'm reminded of you
this is a ******* poem about a ******* situation, but what's new?
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