If life is all a masterpiece
and we are all creative artists

my existence is nothing more
than a color by numbers.

I guess it's not that bad

However, the numbers don't add up.

The cigarettes you smoke linger on your clothes.
You're with pretty people
So you don't have to be alone
You say you're not afraid of death but it still makes you cry
You wake up and drink black coffee
Read the paper a day late
There're messages on the machine
But you don't care what they say
The sun shines outside.
But you lock up your doors
Sit inside and question
If there's something more
Than what we have become.

Always called "Daddy's little girl."
Until daddy found a whole new world
One that was charmed and great

Daddy's little girl just wanted to come too
But it was better if she just stayed in her room
Cause daddy had some errands
He would be back in a bit
When he came back, he'd have some kind of present.

Daddy had some problems that she just couldn't see
He found help in pill bottles and assorted things
And daddy's little girl grew up big and strong
Now her and daddy just don't get along.
And even though she's pretty upset
Daddy's little girl doesn't know any different.

We sat in a triangle
The green **** camouflaged with the grass
Your laugh camouflaged with the blowing of the wind

You were both getting high
And talking about adventures we would go on
Maybe later in the summer

I was sober and I didn't mind.
I wanted to tell you that you guys meant a lot to me
But it wasn't the time

It got quiet and we all breathed in the silence as if it were oxygen
16 weeks from now,
This will be the moment that I think about
You.
Me.
Him.
The trees.
If a moment lives in your head
And the imagination of those who read about it,

Does it ever actually die?

I haven't been sleeping well these last couple days
I'm busy drowning in "I'm sorry's" that I'm not responsible for.
You're busy drowning in the tears you cannot cry
Usually I could talk to my mom about it
But she's busy drowning in alcohol and text messages from her boyfriend
I usually wouldn't worry. But there's no lifeguard on duty.

Today I picked up a pencil in a pathetic attempt to banish all the bad thoughts.
I wrote about you.
How we haven't been talking.

I wrote about my dad.
About how I don't want to hate him

I wrote about how I stopped getting high with my friends.
And how I should be focusing on important things

I wrote about how I stayed the night at my best friends house.
And how I took too much ambien and how it made me cry all night.

I meant to get all these thoughts out But now I'm swimming in them.