I’m strangling too much
Just hoping that you’re here to tell
WHAT’S RIGHT & WHAT’S WRONG.

And yes, it feels like I’m falling apart
trying to hold everything together

I used
him
as a
pillow
to cry
on.
I found the deepest honesty
In the wild
Raw
Side of humanity
The side that communes
With nature
That I can’t feel anymore
Through touch and gesture.

What if
I was the one who died?

Watching someone grow isn’t easy.
Watching your own daughter grow is worse.
But I can’t say how much of a strong woman you are ma. I know I’m one lucky daughter of course.

You often say “I’m going to die & im going to die”
I try my level best to make fun of it but deep inside I’m hurt. I’m so hurt that I can’t even tell you.

I lost the biggest part of me a year back. Now I only have you left.
You’re my best friend, my girlfriend and my wife.
What am I without you?
I just love you so much and that is it.
I need you throughout my life.
So just please don’t blabber about dying anymore.

Cause if you die I die.

"Please stay with me, baby!!”
You were walking so fast.
Too fast for my little feet to keep up.
Was it that easy for you to leave me?

You heard my tear-filled screams, but you never stopped.
You just kept going.
Farther and farther away, not even trying to get one last look at me.
I punched, pulled, and pushed trying to make you stop.
You didn’t.
You just kept going.
Leaving me behind.
"Please don’t leave me!"

Pain.
I remember it too well.
The heart throbbing pain.
I watched as you left.
My eyes were wet.
Yours were dry, cold.

How long do I have to wait for you before you realize that what you did was a mistake? What was the reason you stayed away for so long?
Was it that you don’t want me anymore?

Since you left, I dreamed of your return.
The day you would wrap me in your arms and whisper in my ear,
"I'm sorry for what I did. I promise I will never leave you again,
my baby."
Then I wake up, hoping to see you.
Hoping that it wasn’t all a dream.
But reality soon caught up, and the dream quickly died.

I remember all the tears I had rushing down my face
as I saw you leave me to never return.
I'm so incomplete without you, I need my baby back in my life.
You deceived me, you said you would always be there.
You pinky promised.
You broke your promise.
How can I trust you again?

Do you still think of me as your "little girl" or
a baby you never loved, a sister you could leave behind without a single goodbye in the blink of an eye? I wish you were here to watch me grow up.

"I miss you so much! Won’t you please come back to me, Viki?
I just need to see your face one last time."

“Hey, baby even if you don’t love me I will always love you no matter what happens.”
I bet you didn't even think about how I would feel when you left.
No, you only thought of how I’m going to handle myself when you’re gone.

You missed all my birthdays, first dates.
Did you know that I would wait for the notification to see your messages. But there never was.
I eventually stopped going, knowing nothing was there for me.

Baby, I still need you. Please, come back to me!