Rage, relentless shackles tortuously restricting the beat of my sole drum
Wailing child, aged’s bell, muffled canine whimper beckon
Tempered resignation and guilt overwhelm anger, their bidding masters me
Unequivocal love, they want and need me, as I they

Our immediate discomfort always feels so wrong
Aren’t we all meant to get along?
It starts as simply as the set of their jaw
Before long it’s their toneless guffaw
Then their mere presence becomes an intense irritant
And you fight to suppress your instinct to be militant
Forget the initial dislike that began to percolate
Now you fight for control as you hyperventilate
Digging deep for composure you seek compromise
But then you recognise the mutuality of warrior steel in their eyes
You know they know
What to do; step away or let it be so?

That clever fine line, so subtle in form
En dormir yet greedily alert to vulnerability
Nimble tentacles easing you over
Once steadfast, comfort in being
Then slippage, slow, painful crumbling, curiosity grappling with descent
Transition seamless as a lullaby yet fiercely combative
Happiness, contentedness, numbness, collision, abyss
That clever fine line, so subtle in form

I allow myself the luxury, to stare unabashedly
Your eyes tantalise me, not crudely, but bewitchingly
Were I able to touch, the texture would be burnished brown velvet
Oh to explore this rapturous richness, warmth in abundance
Evermore curious I basque in the golden, autumnal flecks
Shimmering depths cast new dyes of invigoration
Beguiled, I thank you for a moment of beauty

I am emptiness
I have a heart that beats, but no musical echo rhythmic to the rhapsody of life
I have eyes that see, but murky grey scenes abound, no rainbow splendour
I hear, but pitch and tone flat-line, no cacophony tuned with life’s harmony
I smell staleness, bitterness, no glory in aroma
I touch numbly, textured satin elusive
I am emptiness

Pure and beautiful , I snatched your light before your golden halo could grace this world
Be still and peaceful aside me, sense my seeking of your spirit
The sun shines on your brother, your feather-light fingers entwine his artistry and you delight in the rich, warm, brown depth of his eyes and the red, cherub lips; his smile embracing you
Were it that he knew, he would welcome you, love you, nurture you; were it that he knew
Know that I grieve my denial of your bounty on this earthly world
I pine that I may join your heavenly being
Please - be still and peaceful aside me, sense my seeking of your spirit – forgive me

Let not yesterday torment tomorrow
Promise pulped
Vision prescribed
Voice strangled
Hearing echoed in fallen leaves
Opportunity thwarted before dawn breaks

Let yesterday slip gently
Loosen the weave of tangled mesh
Let today inform, not dictate, tomorrow
Basque in absent inhibition
Don’t look back
Your choice, your will

You have the force of a magnet snapped tightly against me
Leech, Leech, Leech
Mental and physical combat are futile
My inner screams are drowned by a convulsive torrent of rage
My very kernel resignedly submits
Now I whisper
Leech, Leech, Leech
Such damage; you have harvested a monster I cannot control

Eat, drink, smoke; cake, coffee, Camel; all day, every day
Then some semblance of self preservation, a physiological salvage screams an alert and for a couple of weeks I maintain lean and mean
Eat, drink, smoke; cake, coffee, Camel; all day, every day
Self realisation struck like lightening; a lifetime of silent decency, consideration, tolerance, obedience, generosity – absorbing everyone else’s rot
I take it all in, then eat, drink and smoke more, subliminally goading the flood gates to burst, but nothing comes out
Well here it is, my public announcement, opening my mouth and letting the screams flow
A baby step I know; I’ll try a couple of lean and mean weeks and then let the true target audience know

The toxicity of my misery falters every endeavour
As seasons pass I battle forth
Cyclical regression all pervasive
Tides recede and ****** in the solace of weariness
Who am I to summon legacy?
Freedom is costly
To not care, to be selfish, to let the ego dance and dine on its prey
But I will never sit at the top table and command such debauchery
I wish stillness and solitude, my armour from the world
My penance is running dry
Oh bountiful life revive me

Autumnal-hued embers fade with majesty
Their warmth a caressing balm upon skin
The contrasting potency of the moon magnifies its earthly dominance
Sitting alone; reconciling this single-life’s insignificant history consumes thought
The will to dream of blossom-laden avenues inviting possibilities long abandoned
Is this still living when rhyme and reason no longer hold court?
And dependable escapism eludes; rapture so harshly neglected
Will the early morn sun gently tease the sleepy eye?
Or will the capturing darkness bring release?

The fervour of his lips, the ardent clasp of his hand
The shimmering, velvet, chocolate skin complements my linen-scape
Dulcet, earnest expressions of my beauty
Our statures cement as one
Happiness bewitches me
Surely I am now, finally, truly loved

Seasons pass
The invasion of psyche, the violation of flesh and bone
He is collectedly smooth and concise with his moves; I smell the menace, sense the forthcoming extremity of the moment
He is feral, I am broken
BUT, surely, I was finally, truly loved

The sun and the moon waltz
Shadows trail me; fear still a stride from being vanquished
Stillness and peace yearn me
I sink deep within, seeking fuel, consuming resilience, grasping hope and faith in repose
I am beyond
Surely I will finally be truly loved

She is profoundly devoid of the human hunger for contact
Abhorring the inertia social interaction requires
Superficial chit chat just to keep a job down drains her soul
All exclaim her people artistry skill
She instinctively absorbs the form of others and their texture pervade her being
She doesn’t understand how she sees their blueprint, but she reads them, rights them and they are inexplicably drawn to her
She spends hours alone seemingly with nothing to do and finds the need of others to be with her an anomaly
Yet, give her a book, a film, anything that doesn’t need a human contribution, and she’ll cry you a river
She knows she’s searching, she knows she’s meant to be doing something
But her own texture eludes her and as she grows older her sadness deepens

Silhouettes drifting, quite sublime in form, unique textural complexities
Dynamics weave in wonder at the fluidity of synchronicity
Vibrations hum smoothly, accelerate, collide, seeking equilibrium
Some blend melodically, in harmony
Some ricochet, as frenzied firecrackers
Some float, solitarily gay in abandon, at peace
Some flounder, achingly heavy, in pain
Some swoop, diving velocity, as allegro
Some embrace, paradisal momentum, at ease
All mingling and striking some chord
Executing perfectly ethereal orchestrations of no composition

What bountiful joy
A perfectly formed boy
My life transformed
An unwilling heart warmed
Unconditionally I nurtured you
The circle complete with a rainbow hue
Nature shaped a handsome canvass
Talent and decency justly thus
Oh bountiful son you are now a man
And I must press ahead alone as best I can
I miss your presence every minute of every day
But let not the beat of our connected hearts ever lose its way
Live and love your life as I love you

Pray tell good friend, how go’eth you?
Presume may I you are caught in the middle of a right tadoo
Proffer your ear to one or tuther
Preference for either you must smother

But dare I dear friend offer wise counsel
Beware warring factions perceive you not as doubtful
Betrayal falsely revealed betwixt only deepens their plot
Bravado you must barely brandish or you will be truly caught

It’s the absolute endless certainty that we are but mere humble servants to uncertainty
Can you hear how clever I think I am, adopting the tone of deferential observerr?
Thinking that my superior intellect and masterful insight of my psyche lend me the credentials to believe I, and only I, navigate the intricacies of every corner of this maze
Did not I design it, dare not I travel its path?
At dusk and dawn when my conscious is, I believe, mine and mine alone
And during the moonlit hours of slumber, still I believe I am the astronomer of my rêves
I am the craftsman, I stride my orbit, confident of every curve and angle
Foolish, arrogant narrator that I am – of that the author is certain!

An embrace as no other
A child, rarely demonstrative, but blue, blue eyes of oceanic depth
Most frequently silent, yet the sharpest observer
Secrets internalised, never betrayed
A woman, love cascading
Regret potent
Unaware of life’s unfolding promise
Both yet to reconcile the future with this aching emotion
Child clinging, woman enduringly embracing
Suppressed emotions ease and pure love flows
Hearts fuse, soothing, affirming, eternally bonding
Poignancy so forceful, onlookers stilled
An embrace as no other

A blossom erupts
Impatient, eager to fragrance
Unfolding, stretching with potency and grace
Embued with light and colour
Uplifting scent journeys
Senses awaken with pleasure
Joyous spirits restored

A nectarine blush caresses the horizon
Sky and sea commune
Autumnal spiced embers dance as if
rippling decorous ribbons swaying atop a carousel
Human hunters ‘snap’ their ‘Smarts’
A majestic halo of beauty imprinted
Patience, a tempting break of dawn awaits