Why do I still rush?
Back to the land of *******
Is it because my legs and mind coalesce?
They are aware it is like hell
Yet they still run into that fire
...The reason is because they look at the future
And tell the rest of the body
How diverting to glory for such a little span of time
Will vanish in a few moments
They want to take it slow while heading for success
But not by drowning themselves
In the shallow oceans of deceit

Why do I still roam in the night?
The night which has already shown me its dead side
And whose torture I still remember
...The reason is because I want to play a game
A nice drama in which I turn out to be the winner
How pleasing I imagine
To prove others in good will, without fight?
How soothing is it to see them
Break into dance by my tone of silent song?

Why do I keep on meditating about the past?
The past so unfair...
That has always tarnished my good image once I remember?
That has always wanted me to change the perception
Of those whom I long ago forgave?
...The reason is I don't want to forget
I want those memories to drive the conscience of my mind
That never once should I do such cruelty to another being
The memories that once triggered... remind me constantly that
"Recall where you come from and the wishes of your people also"

Why do I still allow myself to live?
In this place full of my enemies...
Whom I know very well do not want me apart from treating me like trash
Why do I keep on subjecting myself to this?
Yet I know it takes away the peace in the whole of me
And fixes it with all kinds of disharmony?
...The reason is
I am still tracing the map of a happy destination
Once I set off, that will be it forever

Why do I still ride?
In this path of sin
Why do I still agree, yet I know it is a serious shameful crime?
Allowing my body to get tampered with?
...The reason is, I aim for something
I know that I am just one(God pardon me)
And these sacrifices I make
Are relied upon by many
They all adore me knowing that all in all I got them covered
That on this earth I am their second god...
In their hands they got my trust, and in mine I got their safety

Why do I keep on running into the rain?
This rain which once it falls
Collects all its anger on me
When it lands on me...three drops already make me yell in pain
The first one I feel like it is the pain of a needle
The next one I feel like its pain resembles that of a spear
The last one I feel like it I'd fire
Surely what kind of mercies do I plead for?
...The reason is
Every time I am always looking for a fortune in that rain
I know its other good side and so I won't stop

...Their lies
They just seem like
They grow everyday
Their air is stronger
And so it is what I breathe
But it hurts that
After all this
I am the one who lags behind

...Their talks
They are just like
Flowers which blossom every morning
To concentrate their scent on every person's *****
But their acts of love hurt
Such that they speak a lot of good
Which have a lot of void in them
They make promises
Too bad that I am the one
Who ends up being unfulfilled

...Their jokes
Huh, they never cease
And the one who laughs is me
Who expresses great talent and pleasure in them
Who even in the unseen
Can still sing praises about their invisible goodness
...Yet when they fly
They reach the sky alone

...Their walks
It just seems like
Their company is heaven sent
Any time, any day
There is always me
Who won't just resist their ways
But they walk with the same two legs I use
And leave my path unclean
They run when I don't see
Since I had to constrict my eyes
For them not to grp I'll by the touch
Of the dust they blew

Beware of them
Those caring who te you things
Those loving who you will do all to please
I pray you have ears
But do not listen
Because they have minds and you think pure
Whereas their thoughts are impure
Thinking on how they can step on you
So they can emerge winners among the crowd

Try this day
Find your own way
That has been waiting for you
I promise that
You will not get lost once you set off
Because at least you do your work open mindedly
And again the light
Loves the reflection of the genuine
Go your way, and be happy

I was growing up
She did the same too
I made sure I was always by her side
I hated it
When those big boys bullied her in my face
Making fun of her
I defended her for all I could
...But for all this, she had no eyes

I did all
Back then when I count
All the mistakes I made
I attribute them to her
Sneaking out of school, failing in exams
I could fake an illness to go see her
When I knew she was on holiday
...But for all this, she had no eyes

It consumed me with anger
When she took everyone for a friend
Most especially me
For all those years she never saw
Any zigzag wave in our friendship
Even when I escorted her back at home at night
Even when I gave her my raincoat while it rained
Even when I fetched her jerrycan while she waited
She still told me
"Thank you, good friend"
...I often thought, she had no eyes

I tried to make chases
Because it was then clear to me
That my actions did not plug an inch of sense
Into her precious mind
I started bumping into her
Almost everyday so she could see me
From the library, from church, from the river
I wish you could watch her reaction
She still smiled, knowing I was her friend
But on my side I knew I was crazy
Since I translated that killing smile
Into something else more than that
...She never had eyes for the same, of course

I still saw her through the cold winters in her life
Everytime I met with her
I tried to outdo my goodness for better
Through her silly mistakes I helped her
In her encounters of sorrow I fixed myself
...But for all this she had no eyes
I could not quite tell what was wrong with her mind
Well, sometimes it made me angry
Sometimes I just thought that her eyes
Were long gone
I prayed someone could make her see.

On the outside I look very different
Yet the inside is still the same
I look like I do not care about anything
Even if it is her...
I have made my friends believe so
But deep inside
I know it would break me
If I knew she had been hurt
By a small sting

I look like I do not mind
Whatever causes me pain
Even when I trip over a sharp stone
And shed a lot of blood
I still tell them how it does not hit me at all
But deep inside
I am astonished by my questions
Of how many more marks
My body has to wait for

I look like I do not love
I also look like I would have still lived
If love did not exist
But deep inside
It really triggers me when I see my crush
My feelings get disoriented and I do not concentrate anymore
I always say no to my friends when they tell me
I am dying to meet her
Yet deep inside
It would be my dream come true

I look like I am not in the mood
To play in the rain...
To go to the party
They ask why I don't do recreational activities
I point at my watch
And at my sane mind
Which would not allow me to do such childish things...I tell them
But deep inside
It makes me giggle when my sister watches television
And I hear a cartoon making jokes
Or maybe at night
When nobody sees me,
I search the photos that people do when having fun

I look like I do not exist
No wish, no vision, no dreams
That my life is just that and there
My friends ask me why, I say only God keeps the answers
But deep inside
I want to be a great person
And achieve my dreams like other dreamers do
I also want to explore
And find where my heart's wishes are hidden

I look like I do not need what life has presented me with
My face, my body, my dressing
They always ask me why I pay not much attention to that
Yet at my age it should be my priority
But deep inside
They do not know how many times I have to look at myself
In the mirror before I sleep
What kind of a reflection I want in that mirror...
They do not know how many clothes I changed
To reach that one which they think
Makes my dressing unworthy

I look like I am harsh and heartless
Because at one time I shouted at her
And when she cried...
I did not make a move to go and
Make her tears drain on my shirt
I just left
But deep inside
My friends did not know how guilty and tireless I felt
They could not understand how I just wanted to run, kneel down before her
And beg for pardon
I just could not

I look like a failure
That is what they tell me
Even if they don't spit it on my face
The results (my results)
Always reflect it
But deep inside
They do not know to what extent my struggles are
How best I work...
Sleeping late hours to ensure I grasp something
Running up and down to ensure I catch up with the rest of the runners
Despite my slow nature

I look like I am hopeless
My friends ask me why
Maybe because I don't talk much, I don't ask, I don't consult
But deep inside
They do not know for how long I have waited to prove them wrong
That in every second of my life I have
Been stitching together
My small fabrics of hopelessness
Because I hope that it will one day become hope...
An imperfect hope
That will eventually blossom!

Well, I am sure everybody walks through this..
The path of being desperate
Where she looks around and sees no answers
And gets tempted
Whether to drown or not
Although that was never in her options

Then she sits down
And asks, or rather meditates
That many prayers her God has answered
Except this one
No matter how strong she can be
She still doubts herself
Deep inside

And again she asks
It is not an Angel she wants
But a person of her dreams
A person who is only human
With both strengths and weaknesses
But the one with a human heart...
And a good heart

She stands
She feels like she is doing nothing
Even sleep which is always her pet
Leave alone reading
Even in her best songs she now sees no meaning
But again, she hopes and prays

My face be normal
I see you want to be beseeched
But my soul is full of grief
It does not recollect the infinite rubbles
When I say to it, "I need a fake smile"
Sorrows have become the songs of my heart
They have no mouth to tell
That all should resume
Walk, eat and shower
...An emotional brain
It only signals to my limbic system
Oh cry, oh frown, oh talk sickly of yourself
At least I need myself in no pieces
In front of the globe I was granted
But when I am alone
Then you can boil me
In your flooded oceans of gloom
Bestow up one me a picture of strength
And a shadow of meekness
Since the living on my earth have a delusion
For images of tears to belong
To the faint hearted

You know
I even want to die
Because I just realized
That I could end up being crushed
In the way my feelings
Are used to crushing for this someone
Crush...Crush

You know
I even want to laugh
At his innocence
I shake my head twice and thrice
Just to realize
That he never threw this crazy charm at me

You know
I even want to sleep
Because it is boring
The way I battle with my inside
Every time he passes near my territory
Then he escapes me
Coincidence abandoned me long ago, I just realized

You know
I even want to think
Because it seems like my brain is already extinct
Huh! His height, his elegance, his style
That is all it focuses on
My machine on top should go round and round
Meditating...
So it can stop imagining crushing fantasies
About a crush
Who may get me crushed!