Life,
Pain,
Betrayal,
Loss,
Grief,
Depression,
Hatred,
Are all related.
Happiness,
Joy,
Laughter,
Are just illusions
And a phrase.
Like a candle
It can only last so long
Until it is no more.
Then reality sinks back in.
You are worse
Worse than before the candle
Now you know
What it’s like
To have the smell
The smell you now long for
So you try to find another
Way to feel the way you did
But it never last
You are having to face the truth
But the thing about the truth
Is it always changing.

I didn’t fall in love with you
I walked into love with you
With my eyes wide open
Choosing to take
Every step along the way
But I also believe
We are fated
To do things
But we’d choose anyway
And I’d choose you;
In a hundred worlds
In any reality
I’d find you
And choose you.

I try to smile,
When I see you
Really I do!
But when you notice
me looking,
You look away, without
A smile on your face.
That smile is
A way of showing
Others your emotions.
But your face,
Is not showing
Evidence of a real
Smile.
This pounds at my heart
Like a crazed mother
Lock up, in a box.
Looking for her missing child.
She pounds on the fiberglass
Begging to be set free
If for nothing but her
Child.
But she doesn’t get set free
The box only gets tighter.
It’s as if it was a rubber band
Around your finger.
You feel the throbbing,
Your blood is howling
at you to set it free
But you don’t
not because you won’t
But because you can’t.
So your face remains emotionless
The face that has such an angelic appearance
That it resembles something unworldly.
Just like lucifer your lips, they
Pumulied into the darkness
But with that fall
Your smile fell too.
To nothing
It’s almost unrecognizable,
Because it’s not the
You I know and love

I always hear how
I’m not alone
But when it’s 4 am
And my eyes burn
With tear-stained cheeks
And there’s nobody there
To hear my muffled cries
I think to myself  . . .
Where is he at,
what happened to not being alone?

While I was trying to sleep last night
I realized something.
I am not worthy of his goodness.
I know he doesn’t know the darkest sides of me
the side I pushed down and hide
The monster within, my devil on the shoulder

Demons who are evil
has done more good than me
I am broken and damaged
My heart is broken in two
A better representative it's shattered

I do like you a lot in fact
I am falling in love with you
And I know I’m ugly, possessive, and stupid
I’m also selfish and rude.

I Know that I ruin everything I  touch
But I can’t help but touch him
The force, a gravitational pull
Pulling at my heart
And yet I know the outcome

I’ll end up chipping a piece of my heart
Only to have it fall into the dark and evil obsess
Known as my soul. And never be returned
As for where you searched my soul willingly
To find and embrace who I am
Broken and damaged.

I know that red tulips are
Representations of undying love. But what if
It’s not the love that dies but me?
Would he care? Or even be grazed by it?
Would it hurt him as much as it would hurt me?

As if he could stay for long
Once he sees the broken and shattered soul I bare he’ll run
And hide never to be found again.
So I don’t know what I’d be doing
Without him by my side would I be here
Would I choose to live on?

Would he want that
After I ruin his life, unwillingly
I never knew what it was like to do this but
I can’t say I’m surprised by it
He acts as if he cares for my well being.
But what if my well being isn’t well?
Would I choose to bother him about it?
Would I be that burden he has to carry

The devil claws at me to **** him and let him go
But I can’t I love him too much to **** him,
A beautiful soul, that is so pure
and innocent with a purpose,
If only that purpose is me,
But, when he looks at me it feels as if
I’m being born again, only in his eyes
Why . . . Why can’t I stop Loving him

It’s as if he has a gravitational pull
Too powerful to escape, and it just keeps
Pulling me in till I just want to stop myself
it felt like I have been hit by a train
Rolling down tracks at racing speeds
Trying to find a propose

I want to stop caring for him
But every time I try to push away
I just get closer and again
I can’t help but feel lonely
When I’m not by him.

I know he is better off without me
But I’m selffish and  I loved him, but I’m
Scared I’ll drive him away forever. forever
I don’t know what to do

But keep to myself that I am in love with him
I will be there by his side as long as he needs
But for now, I will just hide in the bottom of my heart in order to survive

If I didn’t hide I wouldn’t be able to
Help myself from telling him everything,
And showing him how I feel,
This love is too powerful to understand

But if I were to die tonight
Would he cry, or at least remember me.
Would he carry on my memory?

And if he were to remember me why
Could it be he secretly loved me as well
No way . . .  wait, Nah, but maybe, eh
Doubt it

There is pain within this heart
My pain within my sadness though my eyes
My eyes are like a burden as clear as crystals
The pain in my soul
The soul that is layered with shields
The shield are a new necessity
The only way to survive
But there’s still pain
Pain that will someday wither away my soul