She sat alone
Alone and at home
Where her screams were silent
But her mind was violent
Her insecurities hid deep inside
And they indeed did eat her alive
A tear rolled down her face
As her heart began to race
She took her blade and tore her skin
Where her depression lied deep within
This went on for days, months, years,
And until she cried her very last tears
She decided she had enough
The world around her as too much tough
She took a gun to her head
Congratulations society
She's dead

I attract lost souls
those who cannot sleep at night
they ponder life and deeper meanings
I decipher their fears
protecting them from fright

they are wounded and ungaurded
their houses broken with sadness
and alone in solitude
I am their guiding light
but I am the only one with the dimmest madness

If there's empty spaces in your heart
They'll make you think it's wrong
Like having empty spaces
Means you can never be strong
But I've learnt that all these spaces
Means there's room to grow
And the people that once filled them
We're always meant to be let go
And all these Empty spaces
Create a strange sort of pull
That attract so many people
You wouldn't meet if they were full
So if you're made of empty spaces
Don't ever think it's wrong
Because maybe they're just empty
Until the right person comes along

I looked at a picture of us
I was 7 you were 5
You had the most breathtaking smile
What happened to that little girl
That dreamed the impossible
That would hide behind mom
When she was shy
That would look at me
As if I was her protector
You don't smile much anymore
And the things that do make you smile
Aren't really who you are
I miss the little girl
That believed in herself
And that she could do anything
I'm sorry that I couldn't protect you
From a world that broke your heart
I just want to see you
Smile like you use to
You deserve to smile again
But the sad part is
I heard you say
You don't smile the same
Anymore.

I wonder
How many pills
Or cuts
Or"accidents"
Or break downs
Or panic attacks
Or "bad days"
Would it take to prove
I resemble a tree
I look strong on the outside
But when a part of me snaps
Inside
There is nothing left but my rotting years

I was alone
and the darkness said hello
he has
always
been
my
first
love
I was alone
and the darkness
kissed my brow
and said hello
when
my friends planned parties
I would not be
invited to
he held me down and showed me
how to stick *******
down my throat
I was alone
and my darkness said hello
it has been seven years
since a blade
first graced my skin
and he is the only one
I have ever
let in.

This is the poem
For all the lovers
Who are not loved in return

This is the poem
For all the thinkers
Trapped inside their heads

This is the poem
For all the lonely ones
Without someone to hold

This is the poem
For all the alcoholics
Drinking themselves to sleep

This is the poem
For all the writers
Stuck between the lines

This is the poem
For all the tired ones
Losing sleep over themselves

This is the poem
For everyone listed above
For no one else
No exceptions

It comes and goes as it rushes over me to take me in all at once. I blow out the smoke of my last cigarette and that's when all of it comes crashing down all at once. Oh god I hate myself and I can feel it coming in waves

She moved on, and
I feel sorry for you
Because she thought
You were the most amazing boy ever
If she could have had any guy
In the world
She still would have picked you
Now, you're just
Another part of her past
A memory more faded every day
And someday, she'll find the one
She deserves, and he will make
Her the happiest
Girl in the world

as humans we are like chameleons
in that. depending on
what's put in front of us
we change
what you want today
you might want tomorrow
and the beautiful thing is that,
that is okay
you grow, you change, you adapt
don't let today define your tomorrow
you have to let go of the edge
you cling to in order to fly

Some are hidden by
Long sleeves baggy sweatshirts
Behind bloodshot eyes
And stale breath
Written in light graphite
On crinkled sheets
In shoeboxes
Therapy sessions
And 2am text messages

It's 4 am
Your perfume is on
Everything, on me.
On all the world - you
Are all around, you
Are all of my tattered
Senses and no poetry
No song, no writing,
Nothing in the world,
Will make this better

I always thought
that I was never handsome enough
or skinny enough
I always thought that I laughed too loudly
and that I should have daintier hands
or a gap between my thighs
that my hair didn't always
fall perfectly
and that I was way too sensitive
when it came to sad movies or rejection
I always thought that when the world
saw me these were all the flaws pointed out
but no the world doesn't see me that way
the only one that saw me that way was you

at first her blue eyes
reminded me of innocence
I was so hopelessly in love
her; she was my everything, the only
person I trusted
then one day a switch flipped
and she didn't love me anymore
now her blue eyes just remind
me of sadness and pain

I wish I could laugh.
Laugh like it doesn't matter
Like you don't matter
To a lot of people you don't
That's the problem though
I'm not one of those people
You matter a lot
And it hurts
It hurts because I wanted more
But when more wasn't available
I was still happy with friendship
And that's what I thought we were.
Friends.
But apparently not
I wish I could say it with a laugh
Ha. Ha
Guess I was wrong again
You're embarrassed of me?
Join the club.
You want me to leave you alone?
Well all you had to do was ask
Want me to stop hanging around?
Done! And done!
...
But I can't
Because I don't have a mask
Well not one durable enough
To hide these eyes
Eyes full of tears
Eyes full of anger
Guess this is goodbye then
Because I deserve better
Than to be around a soul
Who continues to stab me
Jab at me with his words
I have enough wounds
Without you.

It's kind of sad actually
Because after years
And years
And years
Of feeling
It's like
One day my brain was done
All of my feelings have been felt
It's sad cause I can't feel
Anything anymore
It's like a never ending pit
In my stomach
That pumps and pumps
This addicting kind of numbness
Into me
My stomach gets hot and my heart,.
It gets cold..
I cry because I realize I have lost
And this is



                        Game over.

I dreamed I stood in silence
beneath a shattered golden sky
while the stars rained down like tears
blinked from a universal eye,
and in my fist I held
all that I've ever truly owned
yet my fingers closed on air
clutching only my skin and bone
but something in that gesture
hinted at more than I could see
that like my skin, the air
was just as much a part of me
and I'd found that I owned nothing
for I already had it all
I was the gold that streaked the sky
and every star still yet to fall
it was this that I held onto
when I finally awoke
to find a sky the brightest blue
that showed no sign that it ever broke

I think I finally figured out
Why I have a deep love for balloons
as a child my mom only let me have
Them on rare family occasions
They were only seen at birthday parties
Or holiday celebrations
As a child I was happy.
As a teenager in high school
My mother didn't care weather I had them or not
I had a job
I was making my own money
So I bought my own balloons
Almost every week
As a teenager I am not happy.
The thing about balloons is
They can fly away at any given moment
They can go soaring way up
High in the sky when ever someone lets them go
Once you let go, you'll never be able
To grab that balloon again
And that's something I wish I could do
I just want to fly away and never come back again.

The longing I feel for you
At 4:54 am Breaks me
I didn't want to love like this
The facade of not needing
Anyone cracks under the
Gentle weight of your warm
Breath as I lay wrapped
In your tight arm
Our feet touch
Our legs intertwine and I
Realize this is what happiness
Is
No bells or whistles
It didn't cost anything
Just you and I in a dark and quiet
Room and I am home
You have crept into the deepest parts of me
Your words...
Your touch on my skin...
The way you look serious all the time
Has infiltrated my existence
You quite silently tiptoed past
The yellow tape across my
Shattered and weary heart
That read "crime scene do not pass"
You dared to cross even when
The warning signs were clearly labeled
My mind races in the telling
Me I don't deserve this love
I pray I do not wake to find that this
Precious love was
Just
A
Dream.

Normal kids go to sleep
Before 11
The slackers go to bed
After 12
The broken kids
Stay up all night with there
Headphones in staring at
The vast nothing
Because their minds at never at rest
Their tired physically and emotionally
But
Peace will never reach their soul
So I'm those very moments in between
Hating how
Sad and broken they feel
Between hating life
They wish, they pray, dream for that moment
Where peace will sweep over their mind
And in the midst of it all
When they finally drift into the nothing of their minds will finally be at rest
Just to start the chaos in the morning
To another depressing day.

a sunken chest
on the ocean ground
to never be found
was where she found me

there she stirred
my every thought
my every word
so gently, so profoundly

now I am kept
from dreams I dreamt
when once I slept
so soundly

who the **** made you
hate yourself to where
you can barely look at yourself
in the mirror anymore
who the **** made you hate the way your voice sounds
so you stopped singing and talking
who the **** made you stop
seeing galaxies in your eyes
who? who did that to you?
the sad part is I didn't even have
to say there name
because you know who broke you.

Just imagine..
That girl in your class
She's abused at home but
She's bullied at school
She wears long sleeve shirts
And pants all the time
She gets beat up and called a freak
And messages that tell her
To **** herself..

She goes home to her room
Her parents are fighting
Again..
She says goodbye,
She takes some pills and makes
Deep slashes in her wrist.
She gets dizzy,
Her mom comes in and finds her
She thinks it is her fault

But no it's yours because of those
Words you said..
She could not take it
Those words were hurting her
Just imagine the hurt you caused
That family..

It clears. And the sun
Throws light on the dust
On the windows, the

Constancy of that
Mist. To see "if the
Weather is with us"

And it is
It is amazing
How much a
Window lets in

Or out. Part of a
Cross from a tower
On a puddle on

A connecting walk,
White water pipes that
Sidle up the sides of

White buildings to tie
Tin cornices to
Ground, other windows

Polished by indrections
Of reflections, Quiet. The sky.

Today
Is the day
To stop pretending
That you're okay
With not being okay

Yesterday
Could have been the day
You lied your last
"I'm fine"

Tomorrow
Could be the day
That you actually
Mean it

If you
Do not
Pull the weeds
In the garden
The flowers
Will never
Grow

Please don't say
That you love me
Because you never truly did
Love me.
Maybe you liked,
              Or even loved
The thought of being
With me.
But you have never loved me,
You see,
Because you destroyed me.

And because of that,
          I am sure,
That you never loved me.

I think I hit
The point in life
Where
I'm just done

I cried
I fought
I tried

But everything is crashing down

My demons
They are screaming louder
Trying to eat away
At the rest of me

And this time
I'm not going
To fight back

And when I said it
Realized you heard
"Everything is fine"
While I heard
"It couldn't get any worse"

It is sad
That some
People
Aren't waiting
For their
Happy Ending
Anymore.


They are
Just
Waiting for
The end..

Smile brighter to cover the pain
Go ahead. Act like life is all just
A big game.
Laugh harder to hide your shame
Don't let them know you're going
Insane.

They might try to fix you
When we both know
You'll never be the same

You stood there behind me
As I threatened to jump
Although everyone had left
You choose to stay
And I stepped closer to the edge
You joined me and took ahold of my hand
In confusion I asked what are you doing
In reply you said
" my reason for life has always been you
And so if you jump I will too"
I broke out in tears
Unable to believe
That someone like you
Could ever love me
I knew then that
Death was not the answer
That it never would be
And that what I really always wanted
Was to spend
The rest of my life
With you.
You saved my life that day
And I don't think I'll ever be able
To thank you enough

Isn't it ironic?
How I comfort people with problems
And not fixing my own
How I wipe others tears
While mine are continuously rolling?
How I know their pain
Yet they don't know mine?
How I tell them to not hide
While I hide my tears inside?
How I encourage them
Yet I discourage myself?
How I assure them everything will be okay
And I do not believe it myself?
How I treat each one as precious human beings
Yet they treat me like ****?
How I prioritize
While they treat me as an option?
How I sacrifice and give everything
And receive nothing at all?
Yes it is ironic
But that my life, I have a choice
To end it or to live it
It's gods gift
I'll live it for now
Time changes I may end it too, someday.

but that's what I learned over years
you don't fall in love with someone
because they're perfect
you fall in love in spite the fact
that they're not,
you'll love every little detail
about a person
their crooked teeth
chapped lips
the way they smile
and the way there eyes light up when they get happy
all of the things that make a person unique
and in the end I guess opposites really do
attract
I had dreams of New York skylines
and you dreamed of the country
we meshed together
perfectly..
but I think that's what left me heartbroken
because in the end we could never really be together.

I want you
To undress
Your heart,
And show me
How much
It hurts,
So that
I can show you
How I intend
To make it stop.

I trusted you but you left
I tried to give you my all
And show you that I
Loved you
And show you that I
Cared for you
To show you that I wanted you

But I didn't end my life for you
To leave me here crying
On the side of the road
Drunk

I've seen guys like you
It's called my dad
My mother would throw herself at him
And make him happy
Do anything in the world
And he just pushed her away

You are nothing
You are not a man
You are not even close
You don't hit a woman you keep
Your hands off of her

I told you no
For the first time
After loving you for a long time
And
You left
I gave you my world
You left
I gave you my everything
You left

Now go learn to be a man
Cause you're not leaving me
Anymore
I may be drunk and
Sad
But
Guess what
You didn't leave this time

I left

If I Showed you my tear drops
Would you collect them like rain?
Store them in jars
That are labeled with pain
Would you follow their tracks
From my eyes down my cheeks
As they write all the stories
I'm too scared to speak
Would you stop them with kisses?
Bring their flow to a halt?
As you teach me that pain
Isn't always my fault
Would you hold my face gently
As you dry both my eyes?
and whisper the words
"You're too precious to cry"
If I showed you my teardrops
Would you show me your own?
And learn all though we are lonely
We are never alone

There is a big difference between
Going to school and being educated
And I never knew that until somebody
Told me that memorizing
And learning
Are not the same thing at all

And I soon understood what they meant
When I couldn't memorize a recipe
But still have to learn how to bake

Or I could memorize numbers for hours
But still have to learn why they matter
And what their purpose is

But mostly, it sunk in when
I realized that I could memorize the way
Your mouth formed its words
But I had to learn the hard way
That I never knew if what
You would put in my belly
We're butterflies
Or bricks

I was so undeserving,
And yet, you were
So relentless.
                I pushed ~ You pulled
                I wept  ~ You embraced
                I bled  ~ You repaired
                I stopped ~ You smiled
I was a disaster~
The worst of its kind
                     And yet you still
                      Had the audacity
                       To let me know
                                  That I was beautiful

I think
She's caught
Between who
She is
And who she
Wants to be

I fear
You'll wake up one night
missing me
And it will be far too late.

I've been told
That people in the army
Do more by 7:00am
Than I do
In an entire day
But if I wake at 6:59am
And turn to you
To trace the outline of your lips
With mine
I will have done enough
And killed no one
In the process

I can hold myself together durning the day
I can occupy myself with
mindless tasks or,
Sleep to escape it all
But at night is when
I start to unravel
And my eyes
They leak
And my insides spill out
And pool into my lap
And I'm struggling to keep my head
Above the water
And it has always been too
Shallow
To drown in but
I think it's finally
Deep enough.

Tonight I realized that
You weren't the one who
Wrecked me,
Ruined me,
Or destroyed me,
It was me
Because only I
Have the power to do that
To myself
                        I destroyed myself
                         By loving you.

I can't seem to put it in a poetic way
how she broke me
how she forever turned me cold
all I can come up with is that
I was her piece of art
her favorite,
then she noticed a mistake
and threw me away
then started again on another canvas.

You met me at a very strange time
In my life
When I didn't want to be saved
When all I wanted
Was to be buried alive
And I don't know how
But
You made me want to save myself
And that's how
I knew
You were dangerous

I am the human contradiction
I have no self confidence
Yet I have a massive ego
I want to turn my life around
Yet I want to die
I want people to think I have no weakness
Yet all I want to do is cry
I want to be the best at everything
But I don't want to try
I want to stop hurting myself
But that's all I seem to do
I don't want people seeing my scars
Yet I want them to know I'm scared
When I wake up I want to be happy
But I don't want to wake up anymore

He convinced her
To jump
Promising that he would catch her
But as soon
As she
Started to fall
He was already turning around

I'm trying to forget about something I never really new

Wow

Suicide is the only thing
That you can control
In your life
And that's why it's considered a sin
Because your beating God
At his own game