The truths now unfold
The story is now told
Crying eyes
Hidden lies
Just too many goodbyes


Now it is forever like before
But now is different
I have closed the door
Sorry is just a word
And now the memories will become blurred

They all claim to anyways

But do you?
Do you understand
Tears rolling down your cheeks at 3 am
Do you understand
Permanent sadness?
Do you understand the hollow feeling
You get when you know
You'll always be alone?
Do you really think you understand?!?
I screamed to them

All they could manage
Was a small gulp
As they tore their eyes away
And said they understand

Suicide is the only thing
That you can control
In your life
And that's why it's considered a sin
Because your beating God
At his own game

10 years of old
Fatty meals chubby thighs
Runway models with well defined bones
Saying no to a burger and chips
After all a moment on lips, a lifetime on hips

12 years old
Balanced meals and pinching thighs
Brainwashed friends with pro Ana
And wanting to hurl
After all boys don't like fat girls

14 years old
Skipping meals and thinner thighs
Five mile run for one cube of cheese
Counting calories not wanting meals
After all nothing tastes as good as skinny feels

16 years old
No meals and gap in thighs
Arms like match sticks, poking out ribs
Size two dress and body so mini
After all this is what society likes right?

Some are hidden by
Long sleeves baggy sweatshirts
Behind bloodshot eyes
And stale breath
Written in light graphite
On crinkled sheets
In shoeboxes
Therapy sessions
And 2am text messages

There is a big difference between
Going to school and being educated
And I never knew that until somebody
Told me that memorizing
And learning
Are not the same thing at all

And I soon understood what they meant
When I couldn't memorize a recipe
But still have to learn how to bake

Or I could memorize numbers for hours
But still have to learn why they matter
And what their purpose is

But mostly, it sunk in when
I realized that I could memorize the way
Your mouth formed its words
But I had to learn the hard way
That I never knew if what
You would put in my belly
We're butterflies
Or bricks

I taste you on my tongue
When you twist it in knots
I feel you in my bones
And I hear you in my thoughts

Somewhere along the line
Too quickly to be caught
You grew around me like
One big forget me not