It all started
In the second grade
You see
The second grade
So long
You ask
How could that be?
How could you go on
So long
So long
How could I not see?
While you saw
Only
what I wanted
You to see
And I only wanted
You

To be happy

So I let you fall in love
with a mirage of me

You see
Now
A monster
A monster
I’ve always seen
That same old monster
That I’ve always been
Since I was a child
Yes
While I was a teen
When I was ten
Nine
Eight
Seven
Six

Since I was born
Since I was made
Since this all started
In the second grade

The rain
Falls gentle
Through the cracks in the window
Against the wind
That will send
My cold bones to sway
I call on the quiet
To answer the phone
Shove the bills to corner  
I might sleep through the day

Hunger is friendly
When money is sparse
And sleep is a lover
When friendship is cruel
Work to be done
Bills to be paid
Sleep rushes in  
I’m set adrift on its wave

A field full of flowers
Calls from the corner
Stares I can’t see
When my eyes close at last
Not a hunger here
No deadlines to fear
I lay my head in the grass
And the world is pure

God
God
God
They've taken my voice
Or I gave it away
Was there ever a choice?
Did I decide one cold night
To sell my tongue
For the heat
Of a place by the fire
That coveted seat

I stand in the back
Wrap my hands around my neck
Feel the blood beneath my fingers
And watch the ship wreck

Never a scream
Never a sound
I am buried in silence
And kept safe
underground

This joy is so fleeting
This feeling so passing
All I can do is wonder  
Wonder without asking

Because the world has no input
On the strength of my hate
On the hours spent mourning
Too happy a fate

When my hands struggle to stifle
A mouth that won’t stop saying no
When my brain calls for action
But my body won’t go

Until that joy burrows once more
Like a parasite under my skin
A foreign treasure
Stolen again

Then my mouth moves too fast
To answer its calls
And my hands are kept busy
Tearing down walls

To be built and rebuilt
By an enemy brain
Until I wonder once more
If I’m going insane

But I cannot ask
About these things I can’t tell
So I imprison in poems
What I dream I could yell

We dance in a garden
Violets bloom from my eyes
And I pluck at the *****-pink
Tears that she cries

Soft skin
Just like petals
Fallen against winter snow
Wilting like daisies
Against the green grass below

I hold a rose to my cheek
Ripe for the pluck
Crushed tight in a palm
Where the lightning once struck

But the storm has passed
Now we’re swaying again
Eyes closed to the garden
Painted across our skin

It’s not been long since I was a child
Not so long since it was okay
To dream of the impossible
Until childhood’s swept away

Once I dreamt of magic
And saw Broadway in your eyes
I thought we’d dream forever
Now I search for paler skies

You call me indecisive
Because I can’t choose what to do
But in reality I chose long ago
To chase a dream that won’t come true

Still when you are dancing
I see you close your eyes
And I know that in the dark awaits
A dream that never dies

Falling
For you
Is like falling
To sleep
You're the sun on my skin
The last peace that I keep

I was born for your arms
Born for this rest
No research, no doubt
You're the end to my quest

Undeterred by the morning
When you withdraw like the ocean
Away from my shore
Because I know with each parting
We will meet once more

When night falls at last
I fall into you
Content in the knowledge
That those who sleep without passion
Do not sleep like we do