you’re the newest thing on my mind in a while.
I feel so curious like a young child.
I feel as if this’ll never go mild or old, even if we end up writing so many stories.
This. Is. Glorious.
Its like I was fighting through the stuffy air to reach a fresh breath for so long, that I thought anything and everything that pure was gone.
It feels almost wrong, I mean it’s like I don’t deserve whats been given, it’s like I deserve the lump of coal like bad children on christmas, but you placed in some trust and gave me gold, as soon as I saw it shine, I was sold.

I kept running from things like this, always the same old excuses and I refuse to let this slip away, I refuse to let myself throw away something beautiful for same old pitiful life I used to live.

what's up is down, what's left is right, moon fall is the sunrise but where is my sunshine?
Depression and thoughts of suicide have a arrived and sadly it's just another unprescribed ****** to cope with it, **** i used to think it'd be better with my throat slit or a nice noose that'll fit.

I can't believe I got that low, I can't believe i let a void inside of me open more becoming a black hole, I can't believed I let it warp time leaving me in this mold.

My brains was on the fritz, every word sounds like a glitch. Like a computer full of viruses gone haywire, trying to fix it but my minds is too tired so I let it over take me and the place I called my home, in the end it just left me secluded and all alone.


I can't believe I felt so alone, I can't believe I felt so cold, I felt no warmth in this frame. What a shame, but I fight and fight because my brother and I are the last of our names and I despise the thoughts of suicide, I despise another cigarette session to deal with my depression. I despise the thought of being alone again.

As days pass by, each word still grazes my brain like a random bullet being shot into the open, I hope it hits me then because then i wouldn't have to dabble in the words you've left behind on my bedroom floor.

I've become a sponge and all I do is absorb and absorb, and I can implore that this feeling is rotting into my core, into my being and I'm feigning for a way out of this hole I call home, the pain is beginning to make a mark on my bones, oh these demons oh these ******* demons, my head is their home and my cover is blown, Im yelling to death take me feet first down into the dirt because this ache will always hurt.

I've built up a herse, to keep the wretched curse away from the rest of my mind, it's already infected so much and I'm beginning to use it as a crutch but I'm clutching on to the fabrics of hope and I hope gods got a bigger plan for me in his rubric because that would be fantastic.

I just want to live in tranquility for the sake of my own humanity, but sadly I allow myself to feel, to feel burdens of others, my hearts too big and my minds to dumb, I act in acts of selflessness never can I truly be selfish but I think gods plan was for me to help the helpless.

They feel less and I feel less but I'm left with the thoughts of I am something more than I think I am and even though that message never gets through, i believed I planted seeds in all of you and they grew, for when my time expires, I've ignited some fires and those flames will never fade, they will only cascade the earth in light and warmth, spreading truth and wisdom and I cannot fathom the work of the hands above who has blessed me with such graces and honesty.

I'm tryna stay cool calm and collective but this **** is becoming repetitive, it's a pet peeve, oh what a web we weave when we practice to deceive and the seeds planted grew a rotten tree, it's apples are bad, bad to the core they try to entice us, and I implore you to stay away because they're the rotten entities we've absorbed and this ***** a metaphor for the **** we've been living in, our major sins, ****** and lust, we've left nothing for our kin but dust.

I'm ready to combust because enough is enough, we took an oath to coat the cold and home the homeless but nonetheless we leave them hopeless so put a cold gat to my head lay me to rest, I tried my best But wait I don't wanna leave I'm trying to make this place better and it's sickening it's a burden to know what  I'm gonna have  children live in, in cities living unfreely living under fake man made deities, false realities. Television screens and propaganda forever, our minds are tethered and we see nothing with open eyes, we don't realize the lies.

I wish we'd arise a stand together as one because with unity we can live peacefully but sadly we live in separation and it's manifestation is through ******, **** and racism.

The Devils in the details and every time pray I'm scared it fails but I hope sooner or later it'll prevail. Everything's so rotten and everyone's forgotten what it is to love and respect, we've grown to just judge and reject. I ask you look in the mirror and reflect on what you've been taught, this...this ill minded dialect.

Its insane how much a person could mean to you in such little time. I climbed mountains to learn to love but every time I passed a certain point people loved to shove me off and I'd fall down, straight into the ground yet I met you while we were both on the ground and the feelings were so so profound, I thought I'd live on this throne, this mound of wasted emotions  but I threw away that crown and I left that kingdom cause I'd rather be a peasant and live with you in a small happy home then live in that castle alone.

I'm throwing my heart ache out the window and I sold my vices so I can learn to cope normally because finally I think I found someone to love me for me.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

In God we trust? More like its the dollar we trust.

On nation under God? More like a nation built upon frauds.

We indulge in sin and flesh it's what we know best, we're a nation and a society that's beginning to forget about magnanimity and learning to live falsely.

We cross off the cross and dump our conscious and we're drowning and i don't think we'll ever reach the surface, we're living fast everything is a race but we just don't seem realize we're beginning to deface what's life's meant to be, it seems we've abandoned the ideas of peace & love and decided to pick up hate and inequality, we're like trend driven teens, this hate has become our new craze. When I reflect on us acting like teens, I also hope that this **** is a phase, because this life has become a maze and each path leads no where, something needs to change.

I tried looking into your eyes to make sense of all this mess but I lost my breathe and lost myself in the mess you call your head.

I lost myself in brown eyes that are warm but worn. Now darling I'd rip every thorn from your side just to see that smile shine bright.

I know that head is locked up tight with secrets that just eat you alive and your demons thrive off that ache.

I lost myself in dreams of waking up next to you, it all seems so real but I wake up with no one next to me, no one to feel, I just wish it was real.

I want you to lose yourself in me, so I can clear that mess from your head, so you can be held every time a tear is shed.

And I know so many people would leave you out in the cold but darling I'd hold you so close you'd never be cold again because I just cant let you go through that pain, it drives me insane to know that everything is picking at your brain.

Know your burdens are shared and I'll be ****** to leave you all  alone, because being alone is what tears my skin apart and breaks my bones but with you I fell less of that and more warmth in my heart and less mess in my own head.

I love you in the purest form of who you are and who you are going to be, I love in the best and worst of your days, I swear it'd never bother me.

I lost myself in you, I don't know how but I'm glad I did.

I dreamed of a small suburb house, living with my kids and spouse, but i missed my season to plant the seed that if it could sprout, I'd be so proud


Fall comes and goes now and now i fall to my knees, because the cold weather chills me to the bone it reminds me, you're gone and I'm alone.

I sit and stare at the night skies, watching the nights fade to dawn and knowing a the same lonely days have arrived, thoughts collide in and out and I just drown myself in the doubt and sorrow dreading that I have a tomorrow.

I reaped what I sowed and sold the bits of yarn for fools gold. God, its such an embarrassing story to be told and by the sounds of it, it's gotten old. I'm sick of the same old things playing over and over in my head, I'm sick of the things I've forced fed.

The dream of a small surburb house has turned into a dream of just an old house, abandoned and forgotten, the windows broken and the only thing that makes a noise is the howling wind through the cracks and crevasses.

Breathe, breathe.

Count to ten, count to ten.

Stare at the clock, watch the hands move.

I'm nervous, the room is quiet, I'm waiting outside, waiting for my new born son to arrive. Thoughts collide in and out of my head. The doctor calls me in and said "let's meet your new baby boy" I held him for the first time and stared at my wife, "honey look our own bundle of joy"

She laughs with tears in her eyes, he's finally arrived.


Breathe, breathe


Another drink, another drink

Stare at the walls till they fade

Its been a year now and the only place you can find me is at the bottom of a bottle or on the couch, my wife and I don't even sleep in the same bed, my drunken thoughts collide in and out my head, that baby has stolen everything from me and I'm so angry.

Jesus Christ, my vices have become my new religion and resentment has become the pavement of this road I'm walking and the devil is stalking right behind, to pour me another glass of liquor so I never have a sober moment, I'll sit still with no movement.

Breathe, breathe

Another beer, another beer


State through the windshield of my truck that's in front of the garage we call home.

More years have flew by, I lost my job and I lost our home, my two kids have no true roof over their head, they just have a mother who works endlessly to fulfill their every dream. What am I doing to my family? God, if you're their why have you forsaken me? I just can't let go of this bottle it's my only home but I'm so alone, I have nothing to show for this "home" it's boarded up windows and ***** floors, what sickening entity have I absorbed?
Constant thoughts of suicide have finally arrived.


Breathe, breathe

Another bottle, another bottle

I'll sit in the garage of the new house we bought and drink myself to death.

Its been 10 years now, drunk and angry my son acts playfully "it's late what are you doing up?" He just wants to spend time with dad, I can't shake the feeling of being drunkly mad, so a hit to his face should make him go away or maybe, if I tell him I hate him he won't stay. Fight after fight, with my wife she files for divorce, of course I try to fight back but I don't have what it takes all I do is lack so I pack my stuff and head out the door, my bones are rotting to the core, I'm fine I'll just head to the store and by a pack.

Breathe, breathe


Another pill, another pill

I stare at the mirror, at who I've become.

I'm sick, alcohol never did the trick.

I'm sick and my best friends are prozac,  xanax, acetaminophen and dextromethorphan..when I did become an orphan? This despondent skin I call home is blistering in the winds of the winter, so please just let me wither, in this ****** weather, because whether or not I wanna save myself, my mind is tethered. 

I cannot fathom, how I miss my family but tore them apart individually and entirely.

All I ask is you forgive me while trying to forget me.

Dear friend,

I know things aren't right, I know this life is slowly taking the fight out of you but I've seen you stand while bleeding and beaten black and blue.

I've been by your side with every triumph and failure, ever endeavour.
I've been here for every heartbreak, trying to fix the cracks they create, to pick up the pieces of you and hold them till you're ready to be whole again.

I love you more than words can express, more than you could feel but loving you can be a headache, a heartbreak.

But I love you.

I've been here for years, so cheers to this, cheers to 6 years and many more to come.

I'm speaking honestly through this poetry, 'cause I want all of you to get close to me...


I speak words that need to be spoken, for the broken, its a task I take because I know someone needs a break, sick of all the fake smiles, I just wanna breath easy for a while, but it's ******* the lungs like an asthmatic trying to run for fun, it takes the joy out of something hes meant to enjoy.

My conscious ignored the cation signs, of selflessness, its disastrous but the reaper is dining on my soul and to him it's so ******* delicious.