Swal. Low.  you d.  
                            o.  W.
                                     n

La // pp // ing you u^P^^

it's a slow & steady
  b _ u _ r  _ n

throat
ribs
gut

it's the 《memory》of
your t. o. u. ch
                    {slight of hand}
Oh/o/o
thewayyoualways
come &  _ go//come &  _ go

I'll never really
KnoW// JusT HoW MuCH
I'll pay
     }} in - the - end {{{{
for; such ^a ^lovely ^little ^
cuP

spin* ning*
in the wo _ n _ der
all\of\the\words
she. said.
& there; there is her °°laughter°
who can remember a thing
>after
that
¿

How the feel. of. you. lingers
<been looking for some.... one; I
can be a\lone __ with>
... in your arms i seemed to get myself
a//  Way from;...me

time just didn't 't' i' c' k' ' '  the same
Nospacebetweenyouandme
tan~g\l~~ed~ uP in-your-sheets

On your mouth I;
(((no longer treading water)))
could.     b. R. e. a. t. H.     again

I'mtryingtoexplain;,...

how; your hands-in-my-hair
made my loneliness leave.  me. alone.
notforminutesbut for {h} ours

and:,...Since having^your^tongue^
things just-won't-taste-the-Same
My memory guards. the. meaning;
.... of my FaVoRiTe New Years ...day

I've had them FA{ithinkiwanttodateguys}ST

I've had them SL{imsooverthis}OW

I've had a wi{justdome}fe

I've had a di{idontwantanykids}vorce

But this time it was all coffee arm wrestling sexwax....and
whiskey
.... then
[                                     ]

I.Fell.
Hard.
I think it smacked me...
stupid.
I think it's got me...
******.
To think; I think; if I can write
the...right...
words...
It will change the whole
song.
I must be moronic//
my brain is just complete mush.
The band long since left the stage....
and the mics have all been hushed.
There is no combination; or action; or words
I know; I know; I know;
that can change your mind or change.the.
world.
enough for US to ever...work...
I keep telling my simple self
{some small part knows the truth}
But here I am still s p i l l i n g l e t t e r s...
...I s t i l l keep w a n t i n g......
you.

& there i go
it's a slippery
sl  o _ PE
starts
in ^my^ chest^
pulled
< ti   ght>
just
a }pinch{
at. first.
shades
" i n "ch i "ng
d
   O
       Wn
behind. each. of.
my. EyEs.
the - moment - i - know
i've gone
#toofar;
while~ you~
nevereven

    left.

it's × burnt × toast
&allofthethings;
you. let. go.
until _ _ there is [   nothing.  ]
}tohold{
& you-don't-know
if the ~salt~~water~
really matters
it could. be. the. waves.
the cl°ink°° of the ice
in ^her ^cocktail
or >her >eyes >or >her >nose
¿who knows?
a \ NY \way\
what-does-it-matter-now
{haditever}
| whatever |she wanted
》ebbs》《 and 》《flows》
her £ips
~ your ~mo~uth~~
&
#gone

so,...your: BusinesS CarD
rests.  in.   my.   car.
i  | stared | at it, today,...
eyes     tr _ a _ cin _g   
the   l  e  t  t  e  r  s  
ofyourname.
the weight
(of it in my hand).
so >much >heavier>
,... now.
° ° ° time lost
in-these-moments;
€yes full of tears.
& with a heavy sigh,...
[i gently tucK it]
back /in /its / _  place.

When the words
are no long er my
...allies
How I still covet
each... l e t t e r
shared
,...yet;now
she swears
<< timing >>
owns
every\Y\thing
& I
don't even...k{NO}w
whatthatmeans

can't keep your hands
  .off.
yet i know  <youknow>
i'm so rarely On. your. mind.
you _ keep _ youself _ so
busy
you have-so-little-time
be | smashme | tween
momentsofyourlife
i ~make  ~you ~sing
i<breathe<you> back> to> life
& once it's. Done.
you {back}step
in^^double^^time^^
while i'm busy
...//...mark. ing. .. //. ..   mine...

I think I dreamed you up...probably/maybe
it's the whiskey
Here one minute...late night phone calls....then
gone
-------it's only an illusion
I'm stuck on----
That would be the gentler truth...any other...
than your vanishing...
cause you knew all the authors...we chimed
in on
...stanzas
You had no idea; how much it all
mattered...
I so caught up
...I weaved you words polished in wine
to be greeted by...
silence...
left/a/lone
to write sappy lines....

How I woulda, coulda,...shoulda...

taken.my.time.

I would thank...you
There is such beauty in your...pain
And there is the...healer in.me.
but the ache let's me know I'm alive
I've loved you in my hea(rt)d
and my hea(d)rt longs to.know.you.more.
I was so rarely lonely...before,...I met you
...and it doesn't/wouldn't/couldn't/won't have
to make sense to anyone,...but me and {maybe} you
//how you seeped into my bones//linger in my mouth//your pirate smile smuggles my thoughts//
And,....tell me now, darling; how do I get
through...tonight...today
{knowing you are out there}
And we con-nect-ed....
SO...ManY...Dots...
andwordsmatter.
When it went  //     silen.t.    //
well...
it just knocked me to the floor...
...and i've been laying/lying/laid/lain there
ever...
...since...

I'm so spun out
spinning
spun
spit  me out

slipping
sliding
sinking
d
o
w
n

to an empty space,...where
there is no room for love...because
you don't believe and you
don't need it

i keep ne _ ed _ ing to
thank\you;though
you. taught. me.
what I need/want
sssadlyyyy
It. Is.  So. Very.
Ha{impossible}rd.
To. Find.
words 》and 》whiskey
makeitalright
&there;'s some<kind of>beauty
,...in that
though ~ i'd ~ prefer ~ you
in. my. sheets.

we are
the po _ : ems andtherhymes
finish. my. thought. with. my. thought.
un\ex\pect\ed
out of time
so >caught >up
idon'thearthechimes any//more
wander&wonder;
¿what was it for¿
what. was. it.
for.

iknowiknowiknow
you are just  _ that _ ache
that hurt. that. will. not.
go.
》》》》away
LEss of an op^en^ wou^^^^nd than 108
,...days a _ go
}whenthe15thofNovember}} was my
fa ~vor~ite~
MorE than a purple bruise
₩hat was there//somethingaboutme; you thought. you. could. use.
[until _ you _ did _ n't]
my blind can't help me now
you seeped into^ these^ bones
&itjustwon;'t;leave
me
a
[lone]

I drink from the b°ot°tle°
,...these days
Let's just cut-to-the-chase
what I thought mattered
was your wasted space
But no matter//no worry
I'm glad. for. this. ache.
at least I have felt it
I don't. have. any. shame.
I refuse to feel sorry (or any regret)
you own so much beauty
I'm just another some//body who
....F
        E
             L
                  L
... for it

don't _ know
>>don't >>care
you/are/just lodged. in. my. ribs.
youarejustnestedinside
& it's alright
i\don't\mind
i walk the dog
i £ive my £ife
it's ~ only ~ when ~ i see the
sun ^^rise^^ the
bl°ue° sky°
whenever. i. breathe.
or think¡ about¡ life¡
that _ i _ even
》no 》》tice

i just. want. you.
<as ever>
allthevowels
& consonants
whatever-it-meant
it was just _ you
& me &
allofthewords
sounds of fall _ ing
into ~ some ~ thing ~ that
| mattered |
& nobody really
fills  me ^ up ^
like ¥ou
however /sideways/
it > all > went.
it meant it all
to me
heart-on-my-sleeve
[i supppse]
just a wish is all
it could
be;
#dammitdarling
i was. so. sure.
i fit >on >your >mouth
so
perfectly

Hung...
over.
Trying to get over...it
Half the time,..I don't even know what.I'm.
Doing...
There's been too much w (h) in e .
...I know
that much.

what a thing to;
think.
as _ if_ i _ ever
hadtheguts
[for this]
pour it out》 let her in
swallowed whole &
left alone.
suck it uP
now//now
i know//how
it's my.   own.    ******.
fault.

i just want
to feel
something
again
because you showed me
there was more and now
i've forgotten
how to inhale
it doesn't come so
easily
spinning all my
hours
stuck in between
your hazel & the silence
that
waits for me there

i don't even
know why i
look
as if i wasn't
so. thoroughly. aware.
of what you
Do To Me
oh~ you'll~ be~ there~
you & your tragic grace
orangeeyebrows&gypsytears;
ravenwings&torridwords;
you-just-go-ahead &
dance there
with/your/beer
& i'll just try. not. to. die.
each time;
because it's the knowing
even >in >the >moments >be >fore
how _ I'll _ regret _ it
in the ^same ^instant ^
one can feel so completely
[      empty.     ]
only< after << feeling so
completely
F  [[u]]  LL

singing》out》 loud on road trips
the One I can be a. Lone. //wITH
place a flower° in ° your°  hair°
walk....for...hours...withoutacare

Smile _ touch _  laugh _  gush
wecanhardlygetenough
coffee. stains. on. magazines.
the wine we spill all/over/the/sheets

stars _ color _ light _ sand
how you alwaysholdmyhand
your lips the soft. est. thing. I've known
how,...where=you=are is always home

.. >you'd > drive > for > miles
just to spendafewhours
[[[[     blanket forts.  ]]]]
and *** in the #shower

the one who knows just-what-to-say
and so/me/tim/es knows to>go>away
the only one @with whom I cry
,...admit. mistakes. \don't need to {hide}

You have mY heart,...I gave You it
Howsaditis we haven't...
>> met

those things {i thought}
i need;
poetry&whiskey
& quiet time
[alone]
you ~ ARe
noneofthese
& yet
i feel
@home

if// only// you// could
Let. It. Go.
youhavesomuch
~~~~ All of you
ripe to be l o v e d
And the songs we could s
                                             i
                                               N
                                                 Nnnng...
Making love>>by reading words
youhavesomuch
but no-one-can-
t _ o _ u _ c _ h
   y o u
& oh. how. i.  want. to.
Sooooo,...now I sit-on-that-throne
....No
o _ n _ e
com^pare^^^s
to
   you
thecomfortyou'vefound
in your dr
               (own)
                      ing》》》》
I saw what>you're>made>of

and;....I know that it-sca//red-you
   you
,...so un₩illing
To Know Your Own
,...w_ o _ r _ th,...

this. place. is.
haunt. ed.
{buildings aren't just
buildings}
& feelings aren't
|  forgotten  |
i can {still} see~your~
apartment
<<< more-than-a
memory <<<
¡there¡ we made out
in /my \car
& we walked
these/same/blocks
you
^On^My^Arm^
set in my breath
you;
so 'stu'ck in 'my 'head
i can stay a₩ay
yet
there. you. are.
¿₩hen ₩ill it
| end |?

You, so carefully reckless
so lovely..
so delicious...your words/thoughts/vision...
...these Flavors of Entanglement
Form the most.savory.morsel
.... that makes this...
wanting you...
a...Jagged Little Pill

And you already know
.... I'd hand over my ribs to be your anything;
tiptoe-ing toward "Everything"...
How I've wanted to have you and to hold you..,,  Now is the Time
.... I'd give all I have and I.think.you.should.know.that...
"You Owe Me Nothing"...and yet, I choke down these empty bites/Space Cakes/
...just as you know and I k(no)w in the end, this is the end....
... of the story that only
began,....

I should spend my minutes... singing "Sorry to Myself" instead...of
Soaking up the hours, here,....
I "Flinch" 'at your name'...
And long so absently present
Because I know "UR"
. ...you're there...
I found you,...'in a universe of cosmic tears'

Darling, you must know.... It's a bitter thing to swallow
"That I Would Be Good"...'whether with or without you'
...But you won't have me...
..and "Till You"...
I didn't know what it was...
... to be "Incomplete"
left alone...
to Feast on the Scraps

And it's not and will/not/be...there is no "Permission" granted here....'spinning my wheels around'....
Stifled... down,...
"Not As We"
....and it won't be me...
And isn't it "Ironic" how "You Learn"
...the best...
from the silent things?

And it's wrenching and it's...
... honest; how such  "Precious Illusions" grind/my/bones.
One hand tossing you my...marrow
And "One Hand in My Pocket"

You, you, you...with your words and your... lips...
"So Pure" {How 'I love how you dance'}
Knocked/me/out/of/my/senses
And threw my "Head Over Feet"...
Although...."Uninvited"
...I "Thank U" for showing me
"All I Really Want"
..even knowing...knowing...
All our connects are Under Rug Swept
... I have no place in "Your House"
...You, you, you.... in your self imposed "Moratorium"

I,...a **** distance away...
Supposed Former Infatuation ******
Savor the sweet incessant taste of; loNGING ...it lingers,in my mouth...in my teeth
For you,/me, /we
To be
"SIMPLE Together"
"In Limbo No More"

I know/I know better,.. I have to let.it.be.
It may be some time
...It's going to take awhile longer
...I "Can't Not"
Hunger for you
{Held in the craving}...the
Havoc and Bright Lights....
blinded in focus ...of the So-called Chaos ..
....of my wanting you

Someday I'll be "Hands Clean"
...In the moments between,...my " Torch" is
still lit...
"I Remain"...  bound in a feeling,..an awe,...An. .....overwhelming
consumption-of-my-guts...
from "That Particular Time"...when we spoke of.... words...and The Collection
Of all the/things/that/matter...
ignoring all the space
b  e  t  w  e  e  n
...Rejecting the // time....

And I call it significant...
... "You Oughta Know".

There was something in the way
she left nail marks in my...
shoulders...
and she rode me for hours...
and she liked to be up against
the shower...
and she told me to dosomethingabout_it...
and she liked to watch my eyes...with me
behind her...
and she begged me to tell her things in her
moment...
and she wanted all that I could give her.
The night we crashed into the table,../with
wine wetting the moments;
and on the carpet in the bedroom.
The way she took me in the kitchen,
{pressed against cool Lemon tiles; with
dinner burning}...
and she thought that I ought to
****/the/brat/right/outta/her...
it was so much to savor...
but knowing how I know her
...what she really needed was someone to
save
...her.

there's been...enough... wine
but...not,...enough
time...to for-
get
a
Bout
You.

That's gonna take

more.

If only\i didn't
feel. you. in. my. skin.
If only\my bones could
forget° where° they've been°
If only\my mouth could taste
anything other. than. you.
If only\i'd been more than
just your' sw'ee't lit'tle' fo'ol'
If only\i could be
what ~you're ~looking ~for
If only\i could stop
w _ ant _ ing m _ ore
If only\i'd never
had-you-in-my-mouth
If only\my love had been
the. love. that. counts.
If only\i could peel myself
^off ^of ^the ^floor
If only\wishes
could | open | the door
If only\our moments
hadmeantsomuchmore
If only\i could forget you
& know what it is was
FoR...

135 po _ems should due
but ****-of-all-*****
i'm still ******. up. on. you.
¿What the ****
AM i ******* supposed
to do¿
Drank》 all》 the》 *******》 whiskey
the ******* vodkaginwinebeer
Too
yet; here i am on the floor
AgaiN
******* thinking. it. through.
******* need to move on;
#Need - to - **** - someone - new
*******\****\this
fuckingfuck
&
**** *******
trUth

in the rearview mir\r\o\r
- everything is clear (n)er -
it was always all. about. you
Just-A-Breath-Between-Disasters

i was.so.sure. i could keep you
(then//It was all that seemed to matter)
your leavingwassudden
...your damage was g. r. a. d\ u\  al...

trymybest to drink-you-away
the ghost of your smile
is a per>sis>tent>spector
(and I know/no/now)
How-Much-I-Do-Not-Want-You-Any-Longer

O<but>h~-

how-

you _have __

ling  er.   e          d

of course,... I get it
Where/can/it/go
why.bother.even.try/ing
You're playing it smart
Protecting your
...heart.
For me...it's was just.too.late...
too many...connects;
...not every{any}
one is...like you,...and so that/is/my/problem.
The more im pos si ble// = so romantic
It's like fuel to a fire
...and the years/lifetime be/tween //me and you
scream how much more....learning
I have to do
And there is no fault...really,
...longing is.the.beast...
We've both been here before
You already know...
She {insatiable brute} will not
stop...//...harnessed heart...//leading
thoughts and pulling parts...until...
...maybe,...we have the guts
To set -- her --
Free;
onto you//into me

green eyes
pale skin
you- know- me- already
so much better than most
...the endless loop
of your mouth/and/your/words...
too young to walk
around with your ghost,...
old enough to know
what .you're. worth.
and the miles
...and years between us
...don't scare me...
but the steps I take
with~out~you
KEEP me
from getting any
sleep