Sitting in quiet contemplation staring at the ceiling.
Senses overcome by these overwhelming feelings.
Is something wrong? Is it not you but me?
Of course I’m the cause what else could it be?
Are you cheating like my ex who I left to be happy with you?
Is it something I said, ****, what the hell did I do?
Or is it all just in my head, because of all I just went through?

I love you my darling, though my brain won’t let it go.
If you want to leave I understand but I must know.
Something is wrong if not with you than with I.
I keep watching people I love pass me by.  
I can not let you go, I have fallen so hard and so fast.
I really hope that this finally a relationship that will last.
I can not hide forever and hope I get brave before I’m in your past.

I will love you forever much like a few that came before.
Picking up what few pieces of me are still on the floor.
I write this not for you to see, but to let out these wretched contemplations,
Writhing within my head twisting my thoughts with vile machinations.
They have always been here and have ruined so much.
Making me question myself and leaving me out of touch.
Making me lean hard against my most faithful crutch.

Falling, flailing, descending to new lows,
Feel it wash over, from my head, to my toes,
I should already be dead, from so many blows,
But I guess one more? **** it who knows.

Spinning, grinning, laughing the whole way down,
Smile for a minute, before it turns to frown,
In these foolish emotions, I begin to drown,
Don't know whether to end it all, or just leave town.

I wish I were more, I wish I was smarter,
Wish I was stronger, wish I could fight harder,
Wish I had you, wish I didn't keep falling farther,
Wish I were a better man, and not just another martyr.

I am not worth much, this much is true,
It is much more, than just my point of view,
Its what happened over and again, I wish I had something new,
Wish I had what I wanted, I wish I had you...

Sitting, lying,
Alone in my bed,
Thinking, crying,
Thoughts in my head,
Is it a game?
Or am I confused?
Why is it shame?
When first I'm enthused,
What have I done?
What do I do?
When I see the sun,
And I wish to see you?

Do I sit and stare,
In envious rage?
When I want to be there,
Instead of this cage?
I love you so,
And it kills me to part,
I just want you to know,
You have my heart.

I wish we could be,
Though, it can't be so,
Just you and me,
But I already know,
So I won't ask,
I will accept my fate,
In your love, I bask,
And could never hate.

So again I say,
I am sorry,
For being this way,
And causing you worry,
I let myself,
Get too caught up,
When I should just shelf,
Anything I think up.

I wish it were easy,
To let it all go,
Easy, to not have you with me,
But **** it, do I need you so,
When I shed tears,
Don't fret darling,
It's only because my fears,
Are so very charming.

Goodnight, and good bye,
Only differ at the end,
They always make me cry,
But I try and pretend,
It doesn't burn,
But the fire is gigantic,
For you I yearn,
And my mind starts to panic.

I love you. Again,
And again, over once more,
So make me grin,
And forget before,
Even if its only for now,
And I hate myself when you away,
I wish there were a way how,
I could make you stay, just one more day.

Every time, it's always the same,
I fall in love, but it can never be,
Either circumstance, or it was just a game,
Is it always them? Or always me?

Am I just another one?
Am I just a waste?
Am I just a bit of fun?
Am I just a taste?

Dragging on,
Dark to light,
Days are long,
As is the night,
But it is true,
Even after a day,
I still miss you,
As if you've been away,
For a lifetime and change.