Fireworks go off.
Boom. Bang.  Fizzle.

I'm inside reading a book.
Some drunk writer rambling about work.
I hear the oohs and the ahhs of civility outside these four walls
and I look at the bottle of scotch nearest me and grab it.
It goes down and warms my stomach.
I stand up,
walk to the window,
move the curtains out of the way,
and watch outside.
I see people
and their families
standing on front porches,
chaired up in their driveways,
some ***** standing in the streets.
All have their gazes pointed to the sky.
I look.
I wait.

Boom.
Bang.
Fizzle.

Blasts of color and noise
then the dark grey smoke
staining the night sky.
I take another drink from the bottle.
I sit down.
Close my eyes.
I see fireworks
exploding in the sky.

Our nights end the same

My dog and I

I stretch out on the couch and read a few chapters in whatever book I'm reading
Probably something by Hemingway or Paulsen

She's laying on the floor grinding down the knuckle on a bone that she picked clean days ago

There's a cold bottle of beer or a gin drink or a glass of ice and water sitting next to me on the table and they never seem to last long enough
So I always put my book down and grab another, make another, drink another

I look away from my book and watch her chew the bone and she looks at me and I see the corners of her mouth  curl up into a smile and she slowly stands up and does the stretching thing that she does and wanders to the back door
Moves the curtains aside and lays down by the glass and looks out into the darkness

I finish the chapter and stand up, walk to the back door and open it, letting her run out wild in the yard

I smile as she leaps like a horse over her small swimming pool and bounces like a rabbit thru the yard

I close the door and go back to the couch and drink my drink and continue reading
Or maybe I watch a little tv
Even tho I'm not paying much attention and there is seldom anything on
Maybe I stand up to adjust the antennae to get the channel in
But maybe I just shut the tv back off and read instead

My dog scratches at the door and I know she wants to come back in and it is near time to go to bed anyway so I let her in and say let's go to sleep
She grabs her bone and runs upstairs, lays the bone down at the top of the steps, and lays in front of the door to the master bedroom, never entering without me beside her

I brush my teeth and grab my work clothes and go upstairs where she is still at the door waiting

I walk into the bedroom and she follows

I shut off the lights and climb into bed in the dark and she jumps up on the bed and lays down beside me

Waiting for me to pet her head or rub her belly before she gets back up and moves down towards the bottom of the bed and curls up at my feet

We fall asleep until the alarm goes off and it's time to get back up for another day.

The melody plays
Haunting and slow
Getting our blood
Coursing thru

I react to your touch
Soft and careful
Like you're scared
I'm fragile

It's true
I could break
Beneath you

But I'd piece
Myself back
Together
To shatter
Beneath
Your touch
Soft
And delicate
Like a flower
Decaying

I move closer
Feeling the heat
Aching from
Your skin
Like its never
Been touched
And has long
Wanted to be
Caressed,
Worshipped,
And begging
To be
Released
Beneath
My touch

The softest moans
Become the hardest
Screams
When skin
Collides
And the melody plays
To the tangle
Of our
Lonesome ache

I don't like being jaded
But the passion has left me
I can't fathom feeling
Too cynical to be so hopeless
Romantic nights seem like fiction
I wait for you but I know I wait in vain

Cause I'm right back where I started
And the world is moving
But I swear I'm standing still watching it all go by

Can't believe it never meant anything to you
But I should've known better
The way you ignored all my handwritten love letters
Yeah I should've known better
Than to let you trick me with your smile

Cause I'm right back where I started
And the world is moving
But I swear I'm standing still watching it all go by

I can't fathom feeling
Too cynical to be this hopeless
Romantic moments
Too hard to imagine
I can't fathom

Cause I'm right back where I started
And the world is moving
But I swear I'm standing still watching it all go by

This jaded passion
I can't imagine it passing
I hold onto where you used to sleep
There's a different body
Lying next to me
So why does this bed feel so empty?

I'm right back where I started
And the world is moving
But I swear I'm standing still watching it all go by

Right back where I started
(But I'm still standing)
Right back where I started
(But I'm still standing)

Untangle my insides
Blessed to touch the skies
I think I'll break you
I'm told
If its in the clear
I fold myself into you

Don't taste
The rapture
You're too sweet
To understand

Lets take back
What we've conquered
Never to set foot
In heaven
Let's take back
And bless the heathens

Don't taste
The rapture
You're too sweet
To understand

How it wraps around you
Envelopes you
How it wraps around you
Envies you

Unweave my nerves
I'm a thousand miles
Of desert
I sell for a price
If you bid high
Lets take back
And touch the skies

Don't take to
The rapture
You're too sweet
To understand

Let's wake up early
Dressed in each others arms
Beneath the covers all wrinkled
From a night spent less than sleeping
Let's bookmark our bedside books
And head down to the cafe
Sit in the morning air
And drink our coffees
And smoke our cigarettes
Until we feel life in our veins come alive
Let's talk about books, writings, romance
Lets talk about anything that sounds beautiful from your lips
Let's plan out our whole day
With site seeing and adventures
Then ignore them as we retreat
Back to our hotel room to end our day
As it began
Dressed in each others arms
Wrapped beneath wrinkled covers
And not sleeping

My beard needs trimmed

I savor the beer
Lingering on the blonde and black hairs of my mustache

If I trimmed it
I might be sober

My whiskey breath
Gets trapped by all the hair
I inhale
Drunk on the smell and memories

If I trimmed it
I might be sober

I took a week off of writing. I told myself it was because I was pulling odd hours at work and only sleeping for three hours here and there whenever I was free to do so. I told myself this. All week long I told myself this, knowing that every time the thought crossed my mind that it was a lie. I repeated this lie over and over to the point that I almost was lucky enough to believe it.

But at the end, I couldn't maintain the lie. I was stuck. I did not run out of words and I did not run out of ideas. They were scrambled up in my head begging to be plucked and put in order. I ignored their pleas. I ignored everything. It's a special talent of mine.

The truth that I came to realize was that I had ran out of the ability to care. I didn't care to write. I didn't care about the swarm of nouns, verbs, adjectives, and other elementary school english crap buzzing about in my head; thru my veins. I didn't care if they ever came out or faded into some obscene death. I didn't care any longer if my words continued to be ignored. I didn't care if the couple of people that read them missed them. I didn't care if it showed five days, ten weeks, fifteen years between the last thing I wrote to the most recent.

I didn't care.

I still don't care.

But try to keep a writer from writing and his heart will no longer care to keep beating.

I'm not sure if I even care about that.

*But I'm writing.

Can't focus

Mind obliterated

Sitting on rooftops
Paved over with tar

We're highways
Never reaching the sun
Always reaching for the stars

Tasting the taste
Of better promised days

Stitch our shadows to our feet
In the right light
We can stand taller

At dark we all cower
In cardboard boxes
We've made forts out of
Broken sidewalk chalk
And cracked pavement

We've slept in clouds
And woke when we hit the ground

Machines hum all day long
Singing electronic songs
And we sing along

*Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

When I write
I think I am more influenced
by the the depths of the ocean,
the gradual crawl of clouds,
the impression your body leaves
when it's wrapped into mine;
than I am by any other concept
or external force.

The ears
             and minds
of impressionable thousands,
nay---
         millions,
                  listen to me
        when I talk.
It's a special feeling
                          that makes me smile
             because
I can control
                           what people do
or think.
              I am serious:
You Do Not Want To **** With Me

Sleep wanders without consent
Vilified of contemptuous regret
Placated thru abyssed depravity
Unbeknownst by virtues deplored
The external, eternal mystification
Of burning eyes wide burdened

I've never known the days
To tick away so slowly
As they have of late
Waiting for my age
To reach retirement
When my body feels
As if it's already there

My forging hammer

Lies reclined



My bellows, too

Have lost their wind



My fires extinct

My forge decayed



And in the dust

My vices layed 



My coal is spent

My iron is gone

My anvil is broke
My work is done



My work is done

My work is done

My work is done

*My chisels
Lie dull

My saws, too
Have lost their edge

My trees are felled
My lumber decayed

And in the sawdust
My clamps layed

My angles are bent
My jigs are gone
My tools are rusted
My work is done

My work is done
My work is done
My work is done

The best part about having the radio on
Driving down an out in the middle of nowhere road
Is my girl singing the lyrics to every song that comes on
In the seat next to me
With a smile in her eyes
That shines brighter than the moonlight

i don't feel like writing. the words lie still in the pit of my belly.
the tornado has settled. the damages of my past lay in the wreckage.
i don't feel like writing. the words lay broken and eroding in the aftermath.

I want to write you a novel
   About the story of us.
      Have it sell over a billion copies
         And become a world wide best seller.
            It would become the new basis
               On which romance and love is judged.






         But the words will never be good enough;
           The world will never be strong enough.

                      And if it is a true romance,
There will be at least one broken heart by the end...

Forests of snow covered evergreens and chimney smoke
From wooden cabins; we wake to ice on our windows
Crisp fog in our hearts;
Curl up next to me
Light the fire and let it burn bright
You can stay the night if you wish
I'll be here in the morning, I swear I won't go if you say to stay
There's pancakes on the stove
And hot coffee percolating, just waiting to be kissed by your lips
Can you feel the chill in the empty rooms?
Maybe we should keep them company
Even if for a moment longer
Even if it means nothing at all..
Let's not waste this hunger
Learn to celebrate
Learn to hold hands so close
Share our breath as the cold moves in...
We've got places to be, people to meet
But we can pretend
Play songs with our imagination
There's another life far from here
We can avoid, we're not meant to keep taking up space
When the cold moves in
I know what you're thinking
I wish I were thinking it too
Does your body shiver next to mine
I'll hold you tight in my arms
Please hold me back and don't let me stray
I'm a wanderer but my feet are weary and my bones creak with age
Hold me tight all night
And I swear I'll stay if you ask me to
Winter's closing in, the leaves have fallen and littered the ground
Hibernation is the key for these dead months
We'll never leave the bed
Cocoon ourselves instead
The sun will rise, the sun will fall
I'll have you; you'll have me
Thru it all
Wrapped up in
A bear skin rug

Watching thru the open window
There's a figure dancing
Or is she convulsing
Waiting for the right moment
She bite the nails on her fingertips
Eagerly awaiting

Me, I'm away from you
Me, I'm without you
Me, I'm nothing
Me, I'm everything
Me, I am

The steps creek beneath my feet
Careful as I am
To place them without sound
I wonder does she hear me
As I close the distance
Between her desires and

Me, I'm away from you
Me, I'm without you
Me, I'm nothing
Me, I'm everything
Me, I am

Watching her silhouette
Sway back and forth
Beneath the crack
Of her bedroom door
She's lit by candlelight
Just a slab of wood away from

Me, I'm away from you
Me, I'm without you
Me, I'm nothing
Me, I'm everything
Me, I am

Hopelessly I tremble
My hand reaches for uncertainty
The **** turns with a silent click
There's a pulse burning in my veins
Aching to be let loose
And then darkness surrounds

Me, I'm away from you
Me, I'm without you
Me, I'm nothing
Me, I'm everything
Me, I am

She dances
For a death that never comes

I bleed these words for you from my fingertips 
Poetry spilling on paper for you
To read and crumble and toss over your shoulder 
but I'm never far behind 
Tho its true that I lag sometime 
but that's just because the view
 is so good And craves to be admired 
from where I'm standing
I can trace the outline of the way your hips shake 
in the summer dress you wear when it's winter 
and the goosebumps on your arm 
let me know that it's cold outside 
and you need a fire to stay warm 
so I build you a fire with flashbacks of our lives 
igniting the wood from the house we built 
and we hold each other in the warmth of the life 
we built burning brightly in the clear night sky

Marcus wiped the sweat from the long strands of greying hair on his brows, laid down on the ground behind a thin covering of overgrown bush, and leveled the Winchester's stock against the potmarked cheek of his face and firmly planted the **** of the rifle into his shoulder. He squinted his left eye closed and focused his right thru the mounted telescope until the crosshairs and his target became clear. He eased the index finger on his right hand against the trigger and carefully began to squeeze until he heard the satisfying bang of the rifle and felt the kick in his shoulder. He watched in slow motion as the bullet left the barrel of his Winchester, spinning in its rotation, burrow into the thick left chest muscle of the animal he had been tracking for the past four days and rip out with a geyser of blood on the right shoulder. The animal staggered in a stupefied daze for a few feet before collapsing where it stood and resigning itself to its inevitable death.

Marcus stood up and dusted the dirt off of his tweed hunters jacket and cotton canvas pants and slung his Winchester over his shoulder and began to descend the slight hill that he had shot from. He felt a breeze pick up from the west and knew that a storm was on its way and that he had only a short time left to collect his trophy. Marcus began a slow jog towards the downed animal when the terrain leveled out and noted how quickly the breeze had picked up in its coolness when it touched the exposed skin of his face. It was going to be a heavy storm. He ran a little faster, his riffle swinging and bumping across his back as he quickened with every step until he started to feel a burn in his side. He slowed down enough to a comfortable cadence and continued on towards the beast.

Rain started to fall from the low ominous looking clouds. Slowly at first so that Marcus could barely feel any trickle of wetness hit him until it suddenly became a downpour and he had to seek refuge beneath the low hanging branches of a pine tree. He dried his face off with a handkerchief and watched the rain berate the ground from between the pine needles.

He kept watch on his prey and the weather and after thirty minutes of continuing rain decided that he could and should make his way to the wounded animal and left the safety of the tree just as a bolt of lightning shot down from the sky and stuck the top of the pine, lighting it aflame and sending a loud crack thru the air around Marcus. For a few moments he forgot to breathe until his basic instincts kicked in and his brain screamed at his lungs to inhale.

Marcus stalked carefully towards the animal, following a blood trail that had been left when he had shot the animal in the leg a few moments before his wounding shop. He came upon the animal attempting to hide in patches of overgrown grass and, removing his riffle from his shoulder, parted the grass with the barrel of his gun until he was looking into the scared blue eyes of his ****. His blonde hair was matted with drying blood and his body smeared with dirt and fresh blood. Marcus looked at him and let a derisive laugh escape his mouth as he watched the mans lips twitch and heard the gurgles in his throat as he attempted speech.

"P-p-plea-se don---'t k-illlllll m-eh," the blonde man finally managed to spit out between splurts of blood and death rattles.

Marcus unsheathed his Bowie knife and knelt down beside the man and cradled his head in his arms.

"Hush. Hush. It will all be over soon. You've been a good hunt. You've evaded me longer than anyone else ever has. I commend you for that. I appreciate your sacrifice. But it was inevitable that I should **** you. You know this don't you? There was no escaping. Surely you knew this?" He looked at the mans face and saw a resigned hatred in his blue eyes. Marcus was taken aback for a moment but quickly gathered himself back together. "Now, now. Don't be like that. You gave it your best. You really did. It's just...that I'm better."

Marcus took his knife and put it against his ****'s throat and quickly plunged and slid the blade across his neck. He listened closely and relished the sounds of the mans life leaving his body.

Marcus sat there smiling, holding his trophy closely; as the rain continued to fall.

A lonesome day out on the lake
The sun rises and it sets
The moon does the same
In their little dance
The crickets sing me a melody
A thousand songs that all play that lonesome tune
The fish are nibbling and I'd sure like a bite
But underwater they don't hear my screams
The wind rocks the waves and the boat rocks between the two
And I'm untouched

Shed your skin
You've got another
Lie you've been caught
Living in

Breathe deep
And hold your
Breath
Choke on the words
Still lingering
In your throat

Withdrawal
From the tremors
Quivering in your
Insides

Piece together
The whispers
We utter with
Solemn virtues

{I've waited too long
For this
I've waited too long
For this}

Breathe deep
And hold your
Breath
Choke on the words
Still lingering
In your throat

{A riot
A sacrifice
A crooked life}

Breathe deep
And hold your
Breath
*Choke on the words
Still lingering
On your lips

The music is loud
Booming bass and throbbing drops
Dance beats for the college kids
I feel like an old man standing here against the wall
Watching the young men dance fools of themselves
And their plastic women who all move as if they are void of individualness
The beer in my hand is frosty and ice cold due to its aluminum bottling
But it is not improving the distance that I feel between me and everyone at this night club
The party I'm with escapes the dance floor to the roof's terrace
Bouncers that look like your typical fresh faced jocks complete with acne scars
Inform us that it's plastic cups only up top
We pour our beers into plastic cups
They instantly begin to warm
The view is pretty
If you like looking at a city
Unworthy of its history
The air is cool and clean
Blowing across my skin
As my hearing struggles to ignore
The dance music blaring
And my eyes are assaulted by more frat-boy tribal dancing
I can't tell if the fresh air is improving my buzz
Or making me feel worse
My beer is empty
Everyone else still has full cups
I don't understand the mathematics
I go down to the bar
And buy another one
I don't open a tab
I've found those can be dangerous when I'm in this mood
Or any mood
I sneak the aluminum bottle upstairs with me
Enjoy the frosty coldness of my beer for the 5 minutes it takes me to drink it
Everyone is still on their first cup
But there's a beer run coming
It's quitting time
Mothers need to get home
Workers need to get sleep
I need quiet
There's beer left that no one wants to drink
I'm the garbage disposal
We say our good byes
Exchanging hellos and farewells in single conversation
We leave our separate ways
Wishing everyone a safe drive home
It's silent now
What I wouldn't do to hear some booming bass and throbbing drops
To drown out this silence

I’m barely holding
the strings of reality together
I close my eyes
and I still see the silence enclosing
My blood burns and boils
without the option of an eruption
Keep the skin taught
like fragile emotions
God has a plan Be ******
Tethering to an anchor
cast into an abyss
It may barely be perceptible
When you trace lexicons
Like ****** ticks
But I’ve had enough of this

A kiss sweetly planted on the cheek
Moving slowly down the neck
The subtle tinge of hair follicles rising
From the soft brush of a lover's hand across the skin
An elicit moan escapes from a mouth
Hungrily waiting with anticipation
For lips to seal passionately against their own
The silk fabric of bed sheets bound endlessly entangled
As bodies sway to rhythmic dances as ancient as the world itself

Birds tweet summer songs to each other
Wind carries these songs along the waves of the world
Humans interrupt nature with unnatural sounds
Somewhere bears are pawing at berries and scooping them into their mouth
They're also catching salmon riding upriver to spawn
These are dangerous areas to fish but excellent fishing grounds
The wind howls
I listen to hear if it howls for Mary
Maybe it whistles a cat-call for her instead
The sun shines down
I hoard every ray in every pore of my skin
I soak the world in