The day came to an end as the fiery embers of the burning sun hung low and hid behind bruised clouds, setting into the darkening ground far off into the horizon. I looked down and checked the aged and black shaft of the arrow that I absentmindedly twirled between the worn life grooves of my hand. It had been shot many times and taken just as many lives but still remained true and sturdy. The broad head could have used a little sharpening but was still sharp enough to tear and rip thru the thick flesh of most big game. I muttered softly and straggly as I checked the nock. The hoarseness in my voice telling me that it had been a long time since I took a sip from my flask. The smell of courage hung in the air of my breath after a few small gulps; enough to feel the warmth spread evenly over the taste of my tongue and into my bloodstream, coursing it's burn thruout the extremities of my body. I watched out of the broken tree limbs, thorn bush, and **** grass makeshift blind and kept my eyes peeled on the decaying sunlit landscape for any signs of movement as the hunger in my stomach grumbled it's ache aloud. I took another drink to quiet it down and notched the arrow onto the string of my Hoyt compound bow, reading the arrow and my nerves for the **** that I had been anticipating and waiting for the past twelve hours but had also been waiting and anticipating for many days of my long and tired life...

I try to write a happy romance,
          An epic tale of love,
   But someone always leaves,
          Or dies in the end;
        
        Thanks Hemingway.

Every night gets lonely
Sittin by the phone waiting for you to call me
All I want to do is hear your voice
But you left me with no choice
I felt myself give in
When I heard you leaving

So I'm drinking with my heroes
Tryin to forget all I know
Tonight I'm drinking to you
Tryin to forget all I know
(Cause...)

Every night gets lonely
I can still feel you haunting
All those good times had to end
But why am I the one left standing

Tonight I just couldn't take it
Took one more hit from the bottle
Had to quiet these thoughts
To hear myself thinking
Felt myself give in
When I saw you leaving

So I'm drinking with myself
Tryin to forget all I know
Tonight I'm drinking to you
Tryin to forget all I know
(Cause...)

Every night gets lonely
I can still feel you haunting
All those good times had to end
But why am I the one left standing

Tonight I'm about to break
So I took one last drink
Felt myself give in
When I felt your spirit leaving

Every night gets lonely
I can still feel you haunting
All those good times had to end
But why am I the one left standing

Birds tweet summer songs to each other
Wind carries these songs along the waves of the world
Humans interrupt nature with unnatural sounds
Somewhere bears are pawing at berries and scooping them into their mouth
They're also catching salmon riding upriver to spawn
These are dangerous areas to fish but excellent fishing grounds
The wind howls
I listen to hear if it howls for Mary
Maybe it whistles a cat-call for her instead
The sun shines down
I hoard every ray in every pore of my skin
I soak the world in

Pack the car

Let’s go on a road trip 

We’ll camp beneath the stars

Every chance we get

Wake to roadhouse breakfast

And a decent cup of coffee

All along the way

From one coast to the other

And when we hit that shoreline

We’ll get a boat

And sail around the world

Docking in every port

Taking in the breath of cultures

We never imagined existed

And try exotic cuisine 

That seemed questionable at the time

But tasted delicious

As it settled in our stomachs

And we’ll know every corner of this Earth

And finally be able to call it our home

And as our wanderlust satisfies

We’ll take off to the skies

Far past the atmosphere

And into an even greater unknown

I know we said we'd wait here
But it all became too much
How could we be so mistaken
To let it get this far
And just give up

Some things are better
Left finished
Or so we say

I know we said we'd wait here
But we failed to stay
How could we be so mistaken
To let it get this far
And just give up

This is tearing me apart
But I pull these strings tighter
To hold myself together
To keep from falling apart

But some things are better
Left finished
Or so we say

I feel your tears on my collarbone
They're making me feel so alone
I'm removed from everything
But your touch is too much
And I can't bear to leave

But some things are better
Left finished
Or so we say

This hasn't settled
These dreams will never fade
I'm a better man today
But that doesn't make up for yesterday

So here I am now
So much has changed
And everything's the same

But some things are better
Left finished

Take everyday like it will be your last
But live so that you'll see tomorrow
And all the days after

Don't live a life drowning in a past
Where memories are only comforting
Until they twist and turn to sorrow

Learn a skill or craft to better your understanding
Of what brings us all together
And offer it to others in need
Without losing the advantages you bring

Find the worth of your own life
Before you seek your worth in another

Want the world at your fingertips
But remember the simple things in life
Bring the most joy

          Enjoy the sun shining down
                       On your skin
     And feel the moon kiss you at night
                    Dance in the rain
            And move with the wind
          Plant your roots in the earth
        But never settle where you are

Reap the rewards and benefits
Of living your life
In the *grey

We write late into the night,
words carved from barstools, conversations, and car drives.
Words borne from indecency, drawn out brawls, and fragmented memories
We write until the sun comes alive
and we see beastly revolutions
turn into beauty drenched by its brilliant rays
We write the tragedy the night has become
and immortalize our immoral defeats
for prosperity and time capsule memories
so that when we are old and broken and faded
we may recall the stories of our youth
with glimmers of hope
that there is
and always will be
the rebellion of life
coursing its way thru our veins
and that someday
we will go into the night again
And live like we were immortal

"I’m taking a sabbatical from writing today to honor the sabbath."

"But you’re not religious." She quipped back.

"I found God over night. He came to me in a pitcher of margaritas." I explained.

"You didn’t find God. You found a hangover. Now go and write."

"No, I found God in my drunkenness. The hangover is the work of Satan. He’s a mighty cunning *******."

"Quit making excuses. Go write. You’ve a deadline to meet."

"But God…" I had no response. I knew I needed to write. **** the blurred vision and the permatrails and the vice squeezing my head, words needed chosen and laid out and edited. Words I didn’t want to write but words that I had little choice not to.

"Ffffffuuuuuucccckkkkk." I whined and instantly hated myself for it.

"Look, we’ve been down this road before. Go make yourself a couple ****** Mary’s, sit out in the sun, and work on the next book. It’s easy."

"Easy? Fine you write it. I’ll be the agent."

"You’d **** as an agent, it involves talking to people."

"Yeah, ok. *******. Just make sure that when I do the rounds for this book you put me up in some hotels with a good bar."

"Yeah yeah yeah, I know you get paid in bourbon."

I laughed. She laughed. I hung up the phone, made some ****** Mary’s, went outside, sat under the sun and sweated out last nights drinks and God and Satan while adding to the days intake, and worked on the next chapter.

Been working all day long
My hands are soiled
And my mind is gone

Been working all day long
There's dirt beneath my fingernails
As I strum these strings along

Been working all day long
Not a dime to my name
Somehow it all feels wrong

Been working all day long
Fattening another man's pockets
In a job he don't belong

Been working all day long
Busting my knuckles
And singing this work song

There was envy twitching in her fingertips as she watched the hands of another woman hold the hands of the man that was once hers only a few months before. She balled her hands into a fist. Clenching tighter and tighter until her nails dug into her flesh and the palms of her hands started to trickle blood between the growing whiteness of her knuckles. Her eyes were welling up with tears that she held back long enough to see his and her lips and tongues entwine and their bodies pull closer together so that any amount of space between their two bodies dissolved.

She collapsed where she stood giving into her tears and closed her eyes hoping to never open them again…

It's quiet here.





It's always quiet here.


There's a background noise
I can't associate
Drones and fluorescent hums
Low registers caught in the dust

Silence

Voices
But I'm not listening

Or I can't hear

Is there a difference anymore?

Something said
Or maybe I'm imagining it
No ones here

I've checked.

Echoes of long ago
Echo thru the frames
Pictures, walls, doorways
Creaking
A story settling in its foundation


Bury it.

Burn it.




It's quiet here.
I think I heard myself breathing.

I wasn't.

I checked.

I lay on my back pretending I am floating on water
Thinking what dreams you are watching with your eyes tightly closed

Am I missing a world I'm not seeing thru your eyes

I wonder if you'd like to run thru lush overgrown forests with me like a wild beast never knowing humankind
Gliding in and out of the greenest grass and the tallest trees

Or barefoot in the sand on a beach slowly giving way to the waves of an ocean washing inland
I let the water swirl around my feet, pulling sand free and taking me with it

I question if you are doing the same if you were to share my dream

Do you watch the sunset and see the colors I see dancing like an oasis in the distance

Does the same moon shine down for you and bathe us in the same glow on clear sky filled nights

I close my eyes and I taste your dreams as novas explore our atmosphere
And for a second I swear I can hear you whisper when the wind blows

For a second I swear I can hear you whisper that you'll be in my dreams
when the wind blows

So I close my eyes and let the wind carry me into the wildest dreams I'll ever dream

These hands have not
Touched a pen
In such a long while
I think of all the words
I mean to write
And how they all fall silent
Before they reach
The page

This voice has not
Spoken a word
In such a long while
I think of all the things
I mean to say
And how they all fall silent
Before they escape
My lips

Has the well run dry
Or did it just lose its funding
Of heartbreak, ache, and mistakes?

             *What is there to drink
     When the land is no longer livable
              And we've moved on
                 To better pastures?

I don't believe in love
I haven't for the longest
And loneliest of times

I believe in convenience
Sometimes even coincidences

Small moments in a lifetime of living
Where someone, somewhere clicks
With your lifestyle, your ideology, your youness;
The who you are at that exact moment in who you're becoming

Sometimes they stick around as long as you want
Sometimes longer, much longer
Sometimes they don't stick around nearly long enough
And sometimes you only wish you would've met

You say another place, another time, another life
There's always another to grasp onto

You give chances

1 chance
2 chances
3...

At some point you draw the proverbial line
Cut off all ties
Become numb to the memories...

It haunts you
Somewhere deep where you can't remember it
But you know it's there
And you're back to where you started

With yourself
Becoming yourself
Being yourself...

Until the next love comes along
And you settle comfortably,
At times horribly uncomfortably,
Into the role of Us and We
For as long as you both shall..................

I haven’t written in ages he thought as he sat down at his desk and stared at the blank piece of lined white notebook paper that stared equally back at him. He grabbed a pen from its holder and noted all the bite marks on the cap and wondered if all were from him or if some of the marks were from former flames, ones that had stood over his shoulder and peered down while he was writing.

He shook the thoughts from his head. It had been a long time since there had been any spark with anyone, hardly enough for a flame.

Ben put the pen nib to the paper and began writing. Words were forming on them but they were not his own and they did not stay. They would fade. They would crumble. They would be as if they never were.

He rubbed his head, paying attention to the bridge between his eyebrows as if the massaging of that one area would elicit an idea.

It did not.

He continued to stare.

The paper continued to stare.

He heard the carbonation fizzing in a gin drink he made before sitting down but could not motivate himself to lift the drink and take it to his lips. He was at a loss and knew there was no way out.

The end of the pen cap rolled onto the floor. The pen followed. Ben slumped down in his seat and rested his head on the paper. He fell asleep and dreamt of robots hunting with Ted Nugent, of swimming in obsidian clouds as the planet below obliterated itself in war, of a girl he knew in college that he had a crush on but never had the guts to talk to. Ben dreamt a thousand dreams and a thousand stories but when he woke up his mind remained blank and full of static.

He stared at the paper.

The paper stared back.

Ben closed his eyes.

The paper continued staring.

Life's a shame
***** weather
And broken pain
A life so cold
A summer ago
Lost in a haze
I could not see
Could not touch
The things meant for me

Don't give me death
Just set me free

Wounded wounds
The kind that bleed
I've stitched myself
Beneath Ohio skies
Potholed roads
Traveled long ago
Lead to nowhere
I've been
Wanting to leave

Don't give me death
Just set me free

I spit out another piece of carnivorous cancerous lung & stub out the carrion embers of another cigarette as I watch her silhouette slink  

out from behind the curtains & out of view with a serpentine slither that sent shivers down my spine. I lost my breath. I felt my insides

constricting. Felt my skin stretch tight across my cracking & fracturing rib bones & begin to separate, tearing my flesh on jagged

split bones & then I shook the fear from my head & caught my breath. She was heaven & hell & my apocalypse. A beautiful rhythm of dissonance

cutting into me with a cadaverous smile that spreads across her face so wickedly. She holds perfection in one hand & obsession in the other.

She walked out of view, leaving me beneath the old oak tree that stood outside her window. I used to climb it when we were younger. I walked

from beneath the sheltered shade of the tree & back into the acidic rain  pouring down from ominous obsidian clouds & slowly felt my skin

melting from my muscles & then my bones, leaving a trail of myself in the wake of my stumbling footsteps. My body will be a pile of ashes

blowing thru the dark tangled strands of her hair when she looks outside. My death rattle shaking her from memories of her long dead friend

who used to climb the tree outside of her window to see her...

Drown me
In this cold

Tell me
I'm not alone

Fall into the grey
I peel myself away

Hang myself up
For another day

Shredded
On the outside

Scorched
On the inside

Still burning
To remember

What I can't
Forget

It's hard to know
What peace can bring

When I'm always at war
With the image

I've perceived
Of myself

It's hard to know
How bright I can burn

When I'm drowning
In this cold

Some people say

That you need to be fixed

But I like it 

Just the way you are

When you fall apart

My broken girl 

With a broken heart

You’re just as beautiful

In your ache

As when you pretend

To not be awake

When we’re in our bed

Wrapped in sheets so tight

And my arm drifts

Over you to pull you closer

And I whisper words

You long to hear 

And words I’ve longed to say

You’ll always be my favorite heartache

My perfectly broken girl

With a broken heart

Granite face
Heart of stone

No tremble
Through my bones

Stoic eyes
Silent tongue

An image of a ghost
Unflinching

I’m good at hiding
The way I am feeling

The snake sheds its skin
To begin life again
Slither, crawl into your tomb
Entering the open wound

   But I'd give it all away
   For one more memory
   To slip this poisonous kiss
   Between your lips

     I can't control this any more
Peeling off layers from before
     I can't control this any more
Shedding the skin I once wore
     I can't control this any more

Coiled on the ground
Sheltered from the sun
Your desire has me done
Buried deep, never found

   But I'd give it all away
   For one more memory
   To slip this poisonous kiss
   Between your lips

     I can't control this any more
Peeling off layers from before
     I can't control this any more
Shedding the skin I once wore
     I can't control this any more

               I am constricted
               I am conflicted
               I am restricted
               I am inflicted

   But I'd give it all away
   For one more memory
   And slip this poisonous kiss
   Between your lips

I can't control this
     (Peeling off the layers)
I can't control this
     (Shedding my skin)
I can't control this

Anymore.

The more you move up in the world the more you get paid.
The more you get paid the more you accustom yourself to a way of life.
The more you get accustomed to a way of life the more you forget what living is.

Hop that morning train going down the line
Ride the rails and see the country side
Busk the streets and sleep beneath the stars
Life doesn't wait just because you have bills due.