There are certain tones that pierce us-
the tremulous "I..." which precedes the first
halting "...love you."
The static of a stilled phone line
a lace tying two ends of the country
that carried happy birthday to a dear ancient man
"Thank you sweetheart," in the same voice as his son
knotting my throat in the lonely homesickness
of a true Father's Daughter.
There are certain tones that pierce us-
those which remind us of what is most beloved
and what we must accept to lose.

I've been paid to pour sticky-sweet
dancing-juice down the throats
of men who can't afford
a ******
but want the salt of Bourbon Street
on their tongues when they wake up.
I've stumbled up to my door,
dropping the keys and loudly spitting out a
"Shh!"
to myself, to retain some sense
of dignity.
I've woken up with an army in my head,
shouts muddled because their leader
has been shot, and all they can do now
is stomp around and
make loud noise and
hurt.

It never hurt as much
as being awake without a hangover
and having nothing physical
to nurse.

In a dark corner, pondering the state of the world
as I write this, I take another drink
drowning in this thing, the drink I mean
opening my mind allowing me to see
everything much more clearly
for is this not what it does
heals wounds, numbs the pain
whilst killing you
how ironic
but I can't stop and I hate it
such a dependence, thoughts much more attuned
when intoxicated and alone
and God how I love it, how I hate it
I know I am weak
I say with cigarette and drink in hand
but it dulls the agony so why not
why not
there are those sober, suffering, judging
at least I can admit it
yes I admit it, I am weak
I love music, drink, loneliness, drugs, misery
I am most alive when I look out
and see those in denial of the horror
I know the truth, I know it is real
I accept it
my friend, this is what it is to be human
inspiration
I love the idea of peace, love, happiness
but the entire world won't accept it
so I drink
I smoke
I sit alone in a dark corner
and ponder
what if
what would I be if humanity coexisted

So long in search of a love like yours  
one that encompasses me completely
releasing all emotion
soul exposed bare and naked
to be examined and still accepted
what a revelation
that anyone would have that capability
attuned to every part of me
I respect you
seeing all my scars yet not even blinking
no cringing, no judging
only pure acceptance and love
a craving to heal, cure and dress my wounds
what a beautiful soul you must have, love
my counterpart, my companion

Ah, the earth and her brilliant beauty
radiating life, such a beautiful perfect circle
everlasting, eternal
how I love you, adore you
but then I see this, humanity
corrupted, angry, power hungry and so full of hate
and my heart bleeds
why is it we cannot live equally
share all the world and the love it has to offer
money? religion? human nature?
God, why can we not all look beyond it
children dying, innocents left bleeding on the streets
innocents who wanted no part in your war
and you took the one life they had and ripped it away
when all they wanted was love, security, peace
a child of all things
wanting to wake and play in the streets
knowing naught of why there is so much hatred
or even for that matter, what hate  is
so how do innocents become so hate filled
indoctrination, it is taught
I do not believe we are born so filled with this horror
so what is so hard about going beyond this
people full of love these days so rare to find
ones that dream of coexistence
why is this?
do they ignore the idea?
are they blind?
or do they just not care?
content to live in a world
a world where people are shot down
I know they see it
I know they know of it
how does their heart not bleed like mine
they see pictures, hear it on the news
whether they knew them or not their story is real
their suffering, their pain
it is heartbreaking
it is unfair
I know I do not have it so hard
but I see their lives riddled with suffering
and I feel I know them
I want to reach for them
save them all and I cannot
tearing at every fabric of my being
I feel so far from being real
when I speak of this and people say don't think about it
how the hell can I not?
I exist within this world
this world so fueled by hate and anger
how can I ignore others pain
why am I finding myself weeping daily
for someone I never knew
I knew their pain
I knew how unfair their life was
so why do I feel so alone in this feeling
humanity you are tearing my soul to pieces

Falling hard for someone I hardly know
I think of him and then my heart clenches
The way I feel for him , I want to show
But when I'm close, I stop within inches

I don't want to hold it in much longer
If I do I'll explode from head to toe
Maybe I'll say something to be stronger
It's not as if he'll hate me, be a foe

I step closer to him, voice calling out
My mouth snaps shut, my legs frozen in place
I have lockjaw, what is this all about
I can't step closer, my heart starts to race

I will wait for him to step toward me
What if he won't come, then we'll never be