I feel trapped and helpless
I want to break free
But I don’t have the strength
I scream but no one is there
My cuts get deeper every time I move
I break free, I run
I see a golden light
Then darkness I am helpless again

I see the sun
I want to be in it
I wish I can run and play
I wish it everyday
But you keep me locked up
In my body
I don't know why you won't let be
All I want is to be free
Please just let me go
I wish you could know
How much
I want the sunshine
It's cold
Where I am
All I want is my freedom

Our love is like the seasons
Always changing
Sometimes cold
Sometimes hot
Then sometimes right in the middle
Winter will be cold
But you will right there to keep me warm
Winter will be dark
But you'll show me the light
Spring will be the time we renew
Spring will be beautiful
Summer will be fun
Summer we will laugh
But what is constant in the seasons
Is I have you

I see the sunshine
I walk towards it
While the sun embraces me I smile
I am healthy
I am happy
I am free
I run
I dance
I sing
I am free
I lay in flowers
I see the sunlight above me
I close my eyes
For once I am free.

It's one of those days again
The day where I want to cause pain
I want to feel the blade run down my wrists
I want to feel the liquid down my arms
I want to see the red
The pain will be long lasting
And everyone will see the scars
But it would be worth it
For a bit
But at the same time
I would regret it
I would cry and want to forget
But in the moment
I would only want the pain.

I feel empty and terrified
I'm shaking and it’s not cold
My arm hurts and I know why
I’m sitting, thinking or reasons to feel safe
I don’t feel like I am the person I once was
I feel trapped
I'm screaming, trying to get out, I want to be free
I try to escape
I’m stuck someone help me

I stay up at night thinking about you
The way you hurt me
The way you built me up
Just to knock me down
The way you trapped me
The way I was forced to love you
The way you manipulated me
But while I think about that
I think about the way you held me
The way kissed me
But then I stop
Cause there is so much wrong
That you did
That the good things
Are just a fleeting thought

I feel a ghost of pain
I want to feel more
I want to see the red
I want the pain
I feel the ghost of something sharp
I want it in my hand
I touch my arm and imagine the pain
I want the pain
The pain will free me
I want to make the marks
I want them to cover my arm
I want the pain

It all started with a kiss
Your lips against mine
The softness of your lips
Then it ended
Just as quickly
As it started
Because of
Your destruction
Your hurt
Your pain
It's over now
And all I have left
Is a shadow of the kiss

I hold it in my hand
While I look at my wrist
Wanting the red to stain my skin
I hesitate
I wait
I contemplate
I put it down
I've won this round
But next time
I might not be so lucky
So now we play a game
Where we go round and round
Waiting for my weakness
But maybe
Just maybe
One day
The game will stop
But for now I'll just wait

I look in the mirror and realize it's not me
I see this disgusting creature where I should be
It moves the same as me
But it's not me
Who I am is beautiful
Who I am is strong
Who I am is thin
I look in the mirror and see disappointment
I see failure
Someone who is weak
I look in the mirror, I cry
I yell
I scream
I beg
I plead
I look in the mirror, I ask
When will be free?

As I stand here alone
I hear the sound of leaves crunching under shoes
I turn to see who it is
Hoping it's you
But nothing is there
      The wind starts to blow
All the leaves start to dance
It's so beautiful
It's free
It's amazing
Then I feel a hand clasp mine
I see it's you
We stand there, together
Watching the leaves dance
Then when they stop
You're gone
You were never there
Just a ghost of something I once had

I have an itch
That I want to take care of it
But it would cause me pain
Maybe pain is what I need right now
But it will leave scars that I'll regret
But the itch will fade
Now I don't know what to do
Maybe I should try something new

I look at the locket
I see the picture of you
You're smiling here
But you don't anymore
I wish we could go back
To when you were
Your smile is so beautiful
It makes me smile
But for now all I have
Is a locket
With a memory
Inside

You are the devil
I'm the sinner
I try to do good
But you put the dagger in deeper
I try to pull it out
No luck
It sinks deeper
I try again
It's stuck
You laugh and laugh
I try again it becomes loose
I pull on it
It's starts coming out of my chest
Then a mistake
You push it deeper and Laugh
I beg for freedom
My demons overthrow me
Then darkness
You've won

I feel unaccepted
I feel angry
I feel unloved
I want to scream
I want to run far away
I want to cause myself pain

I lie,
Cheat,
Steal,
I am weak
I’m fat,
Disgusting,
Ugly,
I am weak
I cry,
Hide,
Run away,
I am weak

All the world is at war
We are not safe
Red snow under our feet
Gun shots ahead
Then a green tree with lights
Men step over the trenches
We don't shoot
We walk towards them
Singing Songs
It’s Christmas on the Battlefield

Each day that passes it breaks more
I want it to be whole
I want it to stop hurting
I want it to stop breaking
But every time I put it back together
You shatter it again
I know I should just give up
But I still have hope
That one day you won't hurt me
That we can be happy and free
That one day I will love you fully, again
Others want to run away and never look back
But, I'm not ready to give up
Even though I am now broken

I fail
I'm weak
I shove food down my throat
What am I?
I'm a disappointment.
I lie
I cheat
I cut
What am I?
I'm a disappointment.

I hear your voice
It's distant
But it calls to me
I start to run
Towards it
Then I hear my voice
Calling to me
I stop
In the middle
Your voice
Telling me to go one way
My voice another
I look both ways
I turn around
I walk towards my voice
But then my voice dies
So I turn and run towards yours
It greets me as an old friend
As I get ready to walk away
I hear a whisper
Just a whisper
Of my voice

We are trapped and we can never be free
We scream but nobody can hear us
We cry and we can't stop
We are being overpowered and nobody can hear us
Blood is being scattered and no one cares
Motionless bodies are in the distance
More of us are becoming like them
There are no more screams to be heard
No more crying
No more blood being scattered
Now there is one of us left out of thousands
Then there is nothing
We are defeated and we can never win

I know it's forbidden
But I've never felt a love this strong
Constant butterflies
Heart racing
Just the thought of you makes me smile
Just looking at you makes my world seem like a better place
I spend hours awake at night just thinking about you
The way you make me smile
The way you make me laugh
The first time you kissed me
I hate that our love is forbidden
I want everyone to know how happy you make me
But for now it will be our secret

When I look at you time just stops
The world just stops spinning
And all I have is you
My love
My heart
My everything
And all we have is time
Time apart
Time to grow
Time to argue
Time to cry
And above all time together
Our hearts beating as one
Our hands intertwined
The look in your eyes
That makes me feel home
All we have is time
And I want to spend every minute
With you

I know you're out there
Just living
Without me
But soon
So very soon
We will say Hello
You'll be new
You'll be free
You'll love me
The way I need
The way I want
And I'll love you
The way you need
The way you want
And that's how we'll stay
One day
But it's starts with
Hello

Is this how my life will be
The constant round and round we do
The fights?
The hate?
The anger?
It exhausts me
But at the same time I want to fight for us
The Love
The Joy
The Fun
But I can't take this round and round
Please let me go or fight for us with me.

Snow gently falling
The one I love is calling
Cold winter air
Blowing through my hair
In the distance a light glistens
As I watch, I listen
For the sound of an Angel

I make mistakes
I try to fix them
I make them again
I try to fix them again
It's a vicious circle
It's a constant struggle
I try so hard not to make mistakes
But it's easy
To just give in
So I do
Then I feel like a failure

Why do I do it?
Why do I keep letting myself get hurt?
I know they will never love me
But I keep failing for their tricks
They always know what to say
The always know how to act
They just show me a little attention
Then I do whatever they want
I break my morals
I do what is wrong
I know the right path
Why do I always choose the wrong one?
Why do I keep letting them hurt me?

I feel a presence besides me
I want to believe it is you
I want you to hold me one more time
Tell me everything will be fine
Reassure me that you never left
But you have
And now
My life is more lonely
I find it hard to see the light
Because since you left it's been darkness
I want the phone to ring again
I want to hear your amazing stories
But the phone will never ring
I'll never hear another story
Your name is the only thing I have left of you

I'm surrounded by beautiful people
Skinny people
Strong people
I'm just a giant blob
Not an equal
They can do more
Be more
Feel me
I can't move the same
I don't feel the same
All I feel is hatred
Dispare
I look at myself and cry
Why can't I be like them
Why can't I be beautiful?

As I lay here
I think
About what I've done
What you've done
What we've done
And I think of saying goodbye
To you
To us
It will be hard,
But necessary
You've encouraged me to be bad
Do bad
Feel bad
Live bad
Soon
When I'm ready
It will be time for you to go
You will be forever gone
Never to return
To leave me alone
But free
Without your touch
Your evil words
Your temptations
Just me
And myself
Alone
And happy.
Oh how I wish this day will come
But for now
I'll just wait
Till the day we say goodbye

I sit here in the sunshine
With the flowers in bloom around me
Nothing but happiness
Then a dark shadow
The flowers start to die
The sun slips away
I look around to see why
And I see you
Walking towards me
A dark ominous figure
There to **** up all the Joy in this world
There to place me back in the darkness
I want to run
But you’re an addiction
I have to keep coming back to you
But one day I'll overcome it
But for now I'm stuck in the darkness with you.

I feel the snow fall
On my naked skin
I open my eyes
And see the red snow
Beneath my chained hands
I look up and see snow falling around me
I see a figure in the distance
It walks towards me
I see a faceless body
But I hear it laugh
And laugh
It then walks behind me
It tightens my chains
They dig deeper into my wrists
The snow turns more red
I feel the liquid run down my arms
Staining my skin red
You let the chains go
Still laughing walking away
Leaving me in snow
Stained red
Naked and alone

You're a light that has gone out
The Sun shines less
The flowers no longer bloom
My life seems more empty
I'm scared
You are no longer here to protect me
I will have to fight my own battles
I'm not ready
I need you with me
Why did you have to go?
Please come back
I need you
I can't do this without you.

I gaze through the window
I see you having fun
Oh how I long to join you
But I'm in chains
You see me
You just smile
Like you know something I don't
I try to move closer to the window
I hear my chains rattle
And I feel them pull me back
I watch as the sun goes down
It's now dark inside and out
I see a figure move
Is it you?
No it's just my hope
Slipping away

Each day I get stronger
You come back and make me weaker
My time with you destroyed me
I think about you everyday
But not in a good way
I wish you were no longer in my thoughts
I wish I could live my life
I'm glad I never became your wife
It's time now to let go
But you are still winning the show

I see the leaves around me
I look up and see naked trees
I hear a crunch behind me
I turn around
I see you
I smile
You don't
You pull out a knife
I back away
I fall over
You come closer
I try to kick you
You push my foot away
You come even closer
You lower the knife
You're about to stab me
I close my eyes
Nothing happens
I slowly open my eyes
You've gone
You were never there
Just a shadow
Nothing more

I see you
You haunt me
You are constantly in my thoughts
I wish you would go away
I never want you to stay
I know you don't know what I'm thinking
I wish I could tell you
But it will hurt me more
I don't want to cut again
All I need to do is pray
That I'll never see you on any given day

I feel the itch
It consumes me
It's constantly in my thoughts
It calls to me
I reach for it
I touch it
I hold it
I stole it
It's now mine
Or is it?