Crossed legs with her fingers crossed
A shameless allure, a power-hunger supreme
She’s been tempting the skin to keep craving to win, like an intriguing lipstick flower
in an evergreen

Unconsciously, you’re filling me
From drops to cups, I’m now a sea
My caged thoughts, you set them free
Lucky for you, can’t you see?
From a tiny seed, I’m now a tree
Happy you’re happy, my cup of tea

Eyes in dreams, in pixels
You kept it inside
In your sleeves, your denim;
You hid it, where no one can find
But you

Eyes in silence, while she’s waiting
You’ll shoot from behind
Eyes on your lens
You’ll find, you’ll point
Unconsciously
Straight to the baddest angle
With tones of darkest hues
She’ll shiver, she’ll drift
A feeling
She never wanted on stage
An illness
No one can create
No one can heal
But you

So come, picture me dreamer
Come, picture me better
Only to you, I’ll smile the most
The only pain that’s worth the cost

I’d rather play dumb
and pray
Oh God, I’d rather be wrong
For she’s always right
Forgive me, father
I won’t love myself that much this time
For if I’m a fool
Maybe, I am the fool,
she needs the most
And they’ll keep talking
I’ll  keep listening
I’ll keep praying
I’ll keep asking
Oh God, embrace me
I’m bleeding
I made me so strong
Yet, guess she’s stronger
Father, I’m so blue
Father, I’m so tired
I need love
Oh God, embrace me

all the blame, all the hurt
all the pain, all heavy things on earth
I’ll carry it
I’ll carry you
for you
for us
and I passed by too many roads,
carrying your weight on my shoulders
and dearest, while you’re asleep
You know, we’re getting heavier,
slowly burying me
deep below to the ground
But oh God, my love’s still trying
Please,
take those weight away and let us breathe
I’m so tired, I need sleep
Forgive me, Oh Lord
But why am I always the one?
I am weak
I am hurt
I need her too
to lift me up

all the way, I’m trying
anyway, I’m used to dying
and rising back up like a phoenix
a vivider fervid flashing hues
In win or die trying, I’ll never lose
A dancer in the storm, an artist in the rain
It’s all in the mind, a cheat to this game

Yet, we’re more of a black ant, than red
Kinder, haven’t you heard?
Safer, less likely to hurt?
We succumb our humble heads in scents and hues
We dye our bad blood,
Ambers, Fuchsias, Carmines, Blues
The game of cutting ourselves bleeding
Bursting, splats, like party confetti
To win the heart is to reign royal the world
To lick your dog-eat-dog ears with our flowery words

Grease-stained were his hands and toes
Yet cleaner than the cleanest from the castles of foes
Bruised knees, he was no one
Til he bruised it
More

filling up, coping up
beneath a guesswork of a frightened mind
quiet, yet moving
sad, yet hopeful
deciphering fright, coming up roses
as we read and hear, wise stoic phrases
diverting fear, kindling gloom
one day, what’s used to be normal will resume

How true, I’ve been running
In a secret place, a hidden race
To finish five whole years in one

How true, I’m still searching
My safest space, a comfort place
On your shoulder, where I’m still no one

Brimmed with tears, I’ll face my years
I’d still walk when I’m tired
All alone, the saddest tone
Is this what my heart desired?

Why can’t you just help me?
Why can’t you just walk?
Why can’t you just speak?
And still, you’re lovely
Bet this world should award me
As the bravest foolish lonely

“At the right time, young one”
They said
Yet, without a clue, without a sign
I’ll push through

On my way, day per day
No matter how slow, no matter how far
No matter how foolish on vile foolish eyes
My knuckles white, I’ll grip it tight
Out of sight, I’d still go ride
As fast as I can,
I’ll win this fight

So come, call me slower
In the middle of a bumpy road
I’ll always know anyway
As the author
I can

Woman
I understood, since then
I got it, since then
I always read, I always hear
But that’s that?
Isn’t there something more?
Why am I even seeking?
Why am I always like this?
Here, my insatiable hunger for certainty
Speaks
Again
But there,
Dear credence, it’s you
So, I’ll just sleep
And trust
And believe

Assembling pathways, breeding flowers
Over clouds, I’m scattering colors
Shaping growth, sprinkling party confetti
Flying heights, for childhood’s happy

Little did we know, little smiles do grow
It’ll hug you, you’ll glow
It’ll succor you when you’re slow
Here, where my big leaps are for

It’s like climbing on top of the world that’s sinking
It’s like piecing together a shattered mirror
It’s like building sandcastles at the tide’s edge
It’s like walking a tightrope over a chasm
My mind’s a party confetti
Bursts of color, yet messy
And I keep celebrating small wins
Out of grief, out of suffering
And funny how the mind just keeps coping
A mad good party kind of feeling

Voglio parlare, voglio sorridere
When will I? When will I?
Waves grow big, I still stand by
When will I? When will I?

If kidder kid falls for kidder women
Who broke the rule, swept it even?
Who missed comfort, who missed laughing?
Sparked a blank stare, am I changing?

Fun charms, fun charms!
Yet, wit without laughs just tucked me in
No joke! Her heavy heart is all I dream
A love beneath a deadpan’s skin

All time I’ve been looking,
One zealous, euphoric being
Is this real what i’m seeing?
A blue-dressed woman waving

Now, stumbling, now shaking
Tickled by her soul, I’m melting
So smitten that I’m making haste
Slowly please, just slowly chase

One sunny day, she’ll call you up
Bring you strings, a pick, a strap
Have I told you i wrote a song?
Though you always mute, you make me long

You’re a six o’clock to seven
Yet in my analogs, you’re bursting
While I’m a four o’clock to five
At my zenith, singing

How magical i still can hear
The colors, the melody, it’s real!
Would you mind to share your years?
With a song that brought me smiles and tears

In my father’s house are many mansions
Pigmented with white, pleasant and bright
Pure is just the heart who can get in
A gooseflesh scene, to cleanse such sin
To remind the wild world my father has been
In the near cold river, I’ll bathe my skin
Blessed I am for I am redeemed

On the grounds of this, it’ll endlessly summon
Some worn out knees, forcefully bent to bloom
Brutally folded, to spring out crisp and sharp
Yes, yesterdays did think they killed a body
Yet, yesterdays just crushed it into tiny pretty things
No limb will truly collapse til she gets lucky
A worked out unprivileged, with her lovelier stories

I, who keep leaving for a living
I, who keep moving with a cloud show
Filling the hollow, digging the shallow
I, who keep hurting my ears
I, who keep flying in tears
I, whose happy are lightyears

Quitting the short-lived fun—swallower of lifetimes
Oh strict fidelity, deprived for stability
This dull party quitter
Bores the many for longer happy
This weary dull builder, built up!

Keyed up, uneasy
Counting time, before you meet me
Over cups of nerve, over cold coffee
On a table for two, you’d rush, you’d hurry

For she’s a smouldering flower
That won’t run out of steam
Undeserved, yet too late; she’s already been
Here, loving everything
Here, begging to begin
Again, her being, her exception
While holding tears, while hiding fears
Can we write our new chapter?
Here, on the same page we deciphered
Then we’ll risk it all just to peruse
Poems we’ll lay down on empty books

I thought, there’s death
at the park, on the pavement
where we walked straight

I thought, there’s death
under street lights, under buildings
for I never met
for I never knew
silence
until
it sang to me
without volumes
and it’s crazy
it’s pretty
such a sad lovely day with a cat lady

So there, my lionhearted defier
Who plucked my doubts behind my sleeves
I was never good, nor even better
Yet among the alphabet, I’m his boldest letter

He rarely smiles, he rarely reacts
Yet I know his core, he paid a heed for sure
For around his neck, above his head, I lived
My co-pilot, the author of my journey’s creed

In my ocean of doubts
In my grim heavy clouds
There’s a speck in a corner
It burns, yet too little
So tiny, you might not see
So small, you might not hear
Yet I felt
For certain
It’s there
You’re here

Today,
I’m a thunder, diving headfirst to the ground
I’m wild river racing downstream
I’m a maverick rider on a lawless trail
I’m a boisterous revolution stirring the still waters
I’m a bold outlaw defying old rules
In these corners, I’m a garden breeding my own flowers
Breathing my own breath
Choosing my own colors

Short-lived smiles, fickle minds
Thou can’t choose, thou can’t pick
Y’all need this, you little freaks!
Fifty Nine, Sixty!
Now hit me up! I’m free!
Consume me, drown me
Time’s up? Almost! Hurry!

Have I told you, Maria?
You’ve built a man with strength and hope
Here next to you, beside your *****
He stared, he dreamed while your skies float

The smiles I make, the tears I hold
The tree I am is from your seeds of gold
Years and years, yet I can still recall
How your happy tunes fed my soul

Like a bold moth flying into the flame
I was unreasonably brave
Like a wide-mouthed jar
I was ready to catch all stars
I was a live wire, so thrilled to electrify
Yet my high heat, was a fresh face novice
Yet my bursts of joy, was an innocent mind
And it’s the poison who killed me
So today, in afterlife
I walk on eggshells, I’m weary
My hands are like the surgeon’s
Unhurried, steady

You’ll turn off the lights
You’ll lie next to me
You’ll whisper, “Pray”
We’ll close our eyes

I’ll thank, I’ll wish, I’ll ask
You’ll hear, you’ll listen
You’ll hug me, we’ll sleep
I’ll glow, I’ll live

I’ll turn off the lights
I’ll lie, I’ll pray
I’ll cry, I’ll close my eyes
I’ll glow, I’ll live, if you ever come back

An echt heart aching
A mistake, a misunderstanding
Clever with my own meaning
To forgive, to learn something

Imperfect dames, surely we are
Forgive us, world, for we’re way too far
As meat for our starving egos
As nosh for our black pitch scars

Come hold me, come touch me
Tell me, remind me, love me
We ain’t just our egos’ food
We’re smarter, we’re  brighter and we’ll be good

Can I sing along?
To the sound of your photos and poems
Can I hold your straight face
And kiss your fiery forehead when you frown

Oh oooh
No ohh
Oh ooh
No ooh

How I wish
I’m good at guessing
Oh how I wish I’m always right
How I wish
I’m good at searching
Love on places with little light
With little light

Oh my my my dear, I miss laughing
You know I used to laugh and enjoy all the time
Oh no no no why am i so tucked in?
In your pale grey sleeves, I’m so in love

I’m so i love
With little light

No joke! Her heavy heart is all I dream
A fixed love beneath a deadpan’s burning skin
Zenith, I’ll go reaching
Zenith, I’ll go fly

We barely ask further, we always read
Assumptions and surmises our feelings feed
Go dig old messy books, as if it’ll matter
Whatever that was, to love is still to love her

How come these melodies can bury me?
Down to the warmest shade of your cold blue sea
I felt, I fell, I drowned
I clung to the tone, I latched to the sound

A modern day woman, would you call me?
A wild fervent against all and sundry
The mob said i deserve more, they always worry
Kinda late though, Look! I started already

A high bar set from my torn old letter
Would she even be someone better?
How far will this Pollyanna go?
Will I reap what i sow?

Eyes on hands of your ticking clock
I need to think, I need to light up
My mind, It’ll sing until you say stop
Yet I need to think, I need to light up

Maybe just a bottle to cheer me up
Guess I’m out of bullets, I’m out of luck
Can you wait till I get back on track?
I just need to think, I just need to light up

Here in a massive cramped pocket
Seeing shades, green and blue
Just a speck, bright yet faded
Here, still dancing around with you

Come, heedless, let me embrace
Your cold trunk, a futile phase
In every edge, in every place
We’ll move away from the center
With all my love, with all my grace
We’ll care about the other

No rush, not in a hurry
Yet, can someone eat her brain spaghetti?
Would someone decode? Her feelings left untold?
I’m tired, I’m worn out, I’m weary
We’re not even on the same page,  honey!

Unyielding blaze on her nasty face
Her sapient ways over lonely days
Thump her then! What a fetching stimulant
She's just a kid, a tireless ignorant!

**** her twice, she'll get up thrice
Eyes on prize, as she cracks wise
Dear queen of fast track lanes,
Can you stop winning all these games?

Words flow from bags to brows
It varies per soul, so I need to know
I need to read or try even so
Folks know, it’ll give me something extra
A blaring swift heartbeat extravaganza
Great then! while listening Poliça
Kinda thinking, black or mocha?

Struck dumb, tongue-tied
Here on the edge of my seat
Like a cat on hot bricks
She jumped out of my skin
“Wake up, wine up!”
She said

A new slant to my scene
Yet like trailer for a film
Looks exciting, I ween
A fool for you, my queen!

No matter how dark, no matter how pale
Not when I win, not when I fail
The hopeful will never be hopeless
The sad will never be saddest
Lungs with grit, veins with dreams
She may look black, she may look green
Yet she’s the thankful and forgiving
The reason and the proof why I’m living
My soul, my spirit, my being

Always every anger was once love
Trickled down to our cheeks
A hopeful prayer through our lips
We put down the sword, we put down the leaves
Letting the palms be ashes
Fiery splatters, blazing splashes
A repentance kind of party
Is it really remorse and its beauty?
Why won’t you convince me?

Dogs can even smell the sadness in me
It leaks from my soul
It jumps out from my skin
Yet one step higher is where we always belong, don’t we?
One step higher is the gleaming golden trophy
And we’d craft our chances
We’d grow our wings
To leave them behind…

Was knowing less, was bruiseless
Thus impetuous, hence careless
A high diver, a high spirit
Only to find out,
I have drowned, just in shallow chances
I have melted, just in shallow phrases
And it built me,
A tactical diver, a toned spirit
Less smiles, more doubts
In knowing love, in knowing life
Side by side