Tell me,
how can you sing
words you don’t mean?
Forgive me,
I’ve never known, I’ve never heard
music
like that
Until,
you left

then, it filled me loathing
wondering, why can’t I?
stop
these tears
they show up, they disgust me
they fall, they swim
into places I have been
into cracks, onto pavements
of my never-ending dream
just to find out
that the queen
is just a girl, to your film
just a verse of a song, you don’t mean
just a myth, my reality can’t win

seems like everyone’s in a hurry
writing their future, changing their stories
so dear, wouldn’t it be lovely?
to cling some time in a memory
some things I wished I had before
some things I wrote and worked hard for
so now, to drive back once more
a solace, a comfort, a fill-in to my core

to you, how true
I’ll never win
I’ll hold your hand
I’ll wash them clean
I’ll kiss the blame
the lines between
your hair, your eyes
your frowning disguise
I’ll cry the pain
I’d lick the shame
and I won’t complain
for still,
I’m a lucky one
for I’ve never felt so true
I’ve never loved someone
a lucky one like you

tons of strokes laid onto sheets day by day
it won’t stop, it can’t hear what they say
it’ll always hope, it’ll always pray
one day, one morning
my forehead straight to sunbeams
I’d kiss the grief away
I’d ******* dreams and stay
for I’ll never quit, I’ll never fold
I’ll touch, I’ll lick, every pain I sold
one day, one morning
I might lose, yet never be losing
faith
so I’ll try again

Slip, flub, try
See? The aim’s still there
As the rich man cries
Whiff, chip, fly
The dream’s still there
Above the bluer skies
Here, he who pays the piper calls the tune
Yet, dime a dozen men can’t get the moon
So I repeat,
Slip, flub, try
And I won’t stop

coffee stains
bordering her purple lips
next to her umber cheeks
I’m so obsessed
that I can’t move
my soul’s so full
can’t eat my food
oh God, i need some help


oh Lou, I never thought, I never knew
you’ll leave me, but I’ll go find you
you’ll leave me but I’ll find...


the map you changed
the clouds you rearranged
the sky, you made it rain
and my cider spilled just like the truth
still,  you’ll go swerve, you’ll change your route
oh God, I need some help


oh Lou, I never thought, I never knew
you’ll leave me, but I’ll go find you
Don’t leave me Lou I’m meant for you oh oh

I never thought, I never knew
I’m never getting over you
Don’t leave me if you love me too


oh God I need
oh God I need
oh God I need
oh God I need
oh God, how come that we’re innocent?
if love’s an obvious evidence?

how true, you’ve been lonely
so like a bluebird from my window
you came, to beg for my eyes
you flew, for me to see your color
above this city, beneath the bluest skies  

yet, like a bluebird from my window
you should be free
I’m not the cure to your pain, I’ll never be
for to dream of the zenith, is all I do
I see nothing but zenith, how real, how true

If courage is pretty
bet you should award me
as the prettiest lady
with the perfect smile

To you,
if only courage is pretty
maybe, you will adore me
for eating flames, for gnawing chains
for holding tears, for facing years
for diving in your great wave
for swimming against the tide

To me, indeed
courage is pretty
Yet, why is that so, honey?
you do nothing
and you’re still lovely
bet this world should award me
as the prettiest lady
for I’ll never give you up

Flashing lights:
a car that has never been,
to a place that won’t let me in,
to the heights of a mournful dream

Reddish white:
a face staring,
at the rear-view mirror
See? Crying has never been this ugly
Go have yourself some pity
Why won’t you drive back home and let it be?
Go close your eyes and let it dry
One day, it’ll open
Once more, you’ll try

I’ll be back, I swear
Don’t leave, I’ll find you

never did I bloom
stirred by a fork,
stirred by a spoon;
swirled by the laws,
mixed by the tunes
Yet,
my eyes, they made them to watch
My soul, they made them to aim
to win the game,
to never blame,
to never be like them

Why would I hate?
Leaving at eight
Rolling the ball,
nine hours straight
If this gives me life;
a food to my plate
I’d rather fill my cup
and drink on Mondays again
Drop per drop
Little by little
There, go wait for me
I might be late
Yet,
I’ll be there

all the blame, all the hurt
all the pain, all heavy things on earth
I’ll carry it
I’ll carry you
for you
for us
and I passed by too many roads,
carrying your weight on my shoulders
and dearest, while you’re asleep
You know, we’re getting heavier,
slowly burying me
deep below to the ground
But oh God, my love’s still trying
Please,
take those weight away and let us breathe
I’m so tired, I need sleep
Forgive me, Oh Lord
But why am I always the one?
I am weak
I am hurt
I need her too
to lift me up

I’d rather play dumb
and pray
Oh God, I’d rather be wrong
For she’s always right
Forgive me, father
I won’t love myself that much this time
For if I’m a fool
Maybe, I am the fool,
she needs the most
And they’ll keep talking
I’ll  keep listening
I’ll keep praying
I’ll keep asking
Oh God, embrace me
I’m bleeding
I made me so strong
Yet, guess she’s stronger
Father, I’m so blue
Father, I’m so tired
I need love
Oh God, embrace me

“At the right time, young one”
They said
Yet, without a clue, without a sign
I’ll push through

On my way, day per day
No matter how slow, no matter how far
No matter how foolish on vile foolish eyes
My knuckles white, I’ll grip it tight
Out of sight, I’d still go ride
As fast as I can,
I’ll win this fight

So come, call me slower
In the middle of a bumpy road
I’ll always know anyway
As the author
I can

Eyes in dreams, in pixels
You kept it inside
In your sleeves, your denim;
You hid it, where no one can find
But you

Eyes in silence, while she’s waiting
You’ll shoot from behind
Eyes on your lens
You’ll find, you’ll point
Unconsciously
Straight to the baddest angle
With tones of darkest hues
She’ll shiver, she’ll drift
A feeling
She never wanted on stage
An illness
No one can create
No one can heal
But you

So come, picture me dreamer
Come, picture me better
Only to you, I’ll smile the most
The only pain that’s worth the cost

Freezing tears
Foolishly waiting
Why don’t I deserve?
To be happy
More than to be sad
All things I do
They’re all for you
But you chose to look
From the baddest angle
And I can’t help
But weep
All the time

Woman
I understood, since then
I got it, since then
I always read, I always hear
But that’s that?
Isn’t there something more?
Why am I even seeking?
Why am I always like this?
Here, my insatiable hunger for certainty
Speaks
Again
But there,
Dear credence, it’s you
So, I’ll just sleep
And trust
And believe

How true, I’ve been running
In a secret place, a hidden race
To finish five whole years in one

How true, I’m still searching
My safest space, a comfort place
On your shoulder, where I’m still no one

Brimmed with tears, I’ll face my years
I’d still walk when I’m tired
All alone, the saddest tone
Is this what my heart desired?

Why can’t you just help me?
Why can’t you just walk?
Why can’t you just speak?
And still, you’re lovely
Bet this world should award me
As the bravest foolish lonely

I thought, there’s death
at the park, on the pavement
where we walked straight

I thought, there’s death
under street lights, under buildings
for I never met
for I never knew
silence
until
it sang to me
without volumes
and it’s crazy
it’s pretty
such a sad lovely day with a cat lady

In my ocean of doubts
In my grim heavy clouds
There’s a speck in a corner
It burns, yet too little
So tiny, you might not see
So small, you might not hear
Yet I felt
For certain
It’s there
You’re here

Can I sing along?
To the sound of your photos and poems
Can I hold your straight face
And kiss your fiery forehead when you frown

Oh oooh
No ohh
Oh ooh
No ooh

How I wish
I’m good at guessing
Oh how I wish I’m always right
How I wish
I’m good at searching
Love on places with little light
With little light

Oh my my my dear, I miss laughing
You know I used to laugh and enjoy all the time
Oh no no no why am i so tucked in?
In your pale grey sleeves, I’m so in love

I’m so i love
With little light

No joke! Her heavy heart is all I dream
A fixed love beneath a deadpan’s burning skin
Zenith, I’ll go reaching
Zenith, I’ll go fly

If kidder kid falls for kidder women
Who broke the rule, swept it even?
Who missed comfort, who missed laughing?
Sparked a blank stare, am I changing?

Fun charms, fun charms!
Yet, wit without laughs just tucked me in
No joke! Her heavy heart is all I dream
A love beneath a deadpan’s skin

How come these melodies can bury me?
Down to the warmest shade of your cold blue sea
I felt, I fell, I drowned
I clung to the tone, I latched to the sound

Keyed up, uneasy
Counting time, before you meet me
Over cups of nerve, over cold coffee
On a table for two, you’d rush, you’d hurry

Here in a massive cramped pocket
Seeing shades, green and blue
Just a speck, bright yet faded
Here, still dancing around with you

Come, heedless, let me embrace
Your cold trunk, a futile phase
In every edge, in every place
We’ll move away from the center
With all my love, with all my grace
We’ll care about the other

We barely ask further, we always read
Assumptions and surmises our feelings feed
Go dig old messy books, as if it’ll matter
Whatever that was, to love is still to love her

No matter how dark, no matter how pale
Not when I win, not when I fail
The hopeful will never be hopeless
The sad will never be saddest
Lungs with grit, veins with dreams
She may look black, she may look green
Yet she’s the thankful and forgiving
The reason and the proof why I’m living
My soul, my spirit, my being

Would you believe me if I say
I tried to leave, so many times
As much as the words you read
As much as my strokes, my rhymes
Yet, as soon as I see
The path where I’m free
I found myself, longing
To the little love you give
The only little thing I’d settle for
To the cold heart you feed
The only beat, my rhythm
There’s nothing more, there’s nothing else
Reason why I let you bury me
Come, please bury me
Go cut my skin and make me bleed
Come, lay me down and bury me!
Only you, no one else can bury me
Only you, I’ll always crave for
Down to the vilest, tiniest detail
I’ll bruise my fists, I’ll knock my core
Though I know it’s not that little to ask
But would it be okay to hold you?
Your little love, as I go through

Voglio parlare, voglio sorridere
When will I? When will I?
Waves grow big, I still stand by
When will I? When will I?

Unconsciously, you’re filling me
From drops to cups, I’m now a sea
My caged thoughts, you set them free
Lucky for you, can’t you see?
From a tiny seed, I’m now a tree
Happy you’re happy, my cup of tea

So there, my lionhearted defier
Who plucked my doubts behind my sleeves
I was never good, nor even better
Yet among the alphabet, I’m his boldest letter

He rarely smiles, he rarely reacts
Yet I know his core, he paid a heed for sure
For around his neck, above his head, I lived
My co-pilot, the author of my journey’s creed

In every line, in every stroke
I traced the breeze, the feel, the folk
Here in my blood, in my skin, in my coat
Remembering Maria, a sketch, a note

For she’s a smouldering flower
That won’t run out of steam
Undeserved, yet too late; she’s already been
Here, loving everything
Here, begging to begin
Again, her being, her exception
While holding tears, while hiding fears
Can we write our new chapter?
Here, on the same page we deciphered
Then we’ll risk it all just to peruse
Poems we’ll lay down on empty books

Struck dumb, tongue-tied
Here on the edge of my seat
Like a cat on hot bricks
She jumped out of my skin
“Wake up, wine up!”
She said

Watching raindrops touch
Your hair, my walls
Shivery and cold
I melt, I float, I fall
Trying to be dull, subdued
Am I still loved, understood?  
Reassuring while hurting
Hiding while reading
Pardon me, you’re beautifully ineffable
No proof, no reason
No words, no effort, no season
An unfamiliar place for I’ve never been this full
I know I should win it, but aren’t we all fools?
With love, my love
I hid, yet I still found it

How can I drive just to rest?
My heavy head on you, my prickly chest
From crafty North to busy West
How can I wait and still fail the test

Have I told you, Maria?
You’ve built a man with strength and hope
Here next to you, beside your *****
He stared, he dreamed while your skies float

The smiles I make, the tears I hold
The tree I am is from your seeds of gold
Years and years, yet I can still recall
How your happy tunes fed my soul

No rush, not in a hurry
Yet, can someone eat her brain spaghetti?
Would someone decode? Her feelings left untold?
I’m tired, I’m worn out, I’m weary
We’re not even on the same page,  honey!

A new slant to my scene
Yet like trailer for a film
Looks exciting, I ween
A fool for you, my queen!

Words flow from bags to brows
It varies per soul, so I need to know
I need to read or try even so
Folks know, it’ll give me something extra
A blaring swift heartbeat extravaganza
Great then! while listening Poliça
Kinda thinking, black or mocha?

Pause! Hold on!
My queen, my rook
My horse, my pawn
I need to think before the dawn
Go light my stick, go play a song!

Well, It depends, honey!
Stretching limits, swilling coffee
Sniffing books, feeling lonely
You’ll hear it soon, don’t you worry!

Eyes on hands of your ticking clock
I need to think, I need to light up
My mind, It’ll sing until you say stop
Yet I need to think, I need to light up

Maybe just a bottle to cheer me up
Guess I’m out of bullets, I’m out of luck
Can you wait till I get back on track?
I just need to think, I just need to light up

Dull, closed, dead serious
Yet gaped open by her grit
Now like a fool, like a freak
Ten red flags, who will quit?
Tie my hands, I’ll take a seat
I’ll chew the rocks, endure the heat
So, would you let me swim against the current?
For thou can’t love just when it’s convenient

Over-loving, overwhelming
Always reaching, always dealing
Full of spirit, persevering
Blazing grit, hot and glowing

Who’s now downhearted, forlorn, blue?
Up for the whole nine yards for you
A melancholic thought, yet I’ll get through
Taken for granted as i take it too

My hands in between
Knives from my fellowmen
All sharp, they sheen
Hot to trot, eager to win
Yet no fear, I’ll go closer
Stab me then, the harder, the better!
Won’t feel it anyway
My mind’s at peace, won’t let you play
Instead, I’ll carry you, I’ll lift you up
You’ll hear me cheer, you’ll hear me clap
And under you, you’ll see a glowing face
It’s me who won over my yesterday’s race