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Tita Halaman Dec 2020
all the blame, all the hurt
all the pain, all heavy things on earth
I’ll carry it
I’ll carry you
for you
for us
and I passed by too many roads,
carrying your weight on my shoulders
and dearest, while you’re asleep
You know, we’re getting heavier,
slowly burying me
deep below to the ground
But oh God, my love’s still trying
Please,
take those weight away and let us breathe
I’m so tired, I need sleep
Forgive me, Oh Lord
But why am I always the one?
I am weak
I am hurt
I need her too
to lift me up
Tita Halaman Dec 2020
I’d rather play dumb
and pray
Oh God, I’d rather be wrong
For she’s always right
Forgive me, father
I won’t love myself that much this time
For if I’m a fool
Maybe, I am the fool,
she needs the most
And they’ll keep talking
I’ll  keep listening
I’ll keep praying
I’ll keep asking
Oh God, embrace me
I’m bleeding
I made me so strong
Yet, guess she’s stronger
Father, I’m so blue
Father, I’m so tired
I need love
Oh God, embrace me
Tita Halaman Dec 2020
“At the right time, young one”
They said
Yet, without a clue, without a sign
I’ll push through

On my way, day per day
No matter how slow, no matter how far
No matter how foolish on vile foolish eyes
My knuckles white, I’ll grip it tight
Out of sight, I’d still go ride
As fast as I can,
I’ll win this fight

So come, call me slower
In the middle of a bumpy road
I’ll always know anyway
As the author
I can
Tita Halaman Dec 2020
Eyes in dreams, in pixels
You kept it inside
In your sleeves, your denim;
You hid it, where no one can find
But you

Eyes in silence, while she’s waiting
You’ll shoot from behind
Eyes on your lens
You’ll find, you’ll point
Unconsciously
Straight to the baddest angle
With tones of darkest hues
She’ll shiver, she’ll drift
A feeling
She never wanted on stage
An illness
No one can create
No one can heal
But you

So come, picture me dreamer
Come, picture me better
Only to you, I’ll smile the most
The only pain that’s worth the cost
Tita Halaman Nov 2020
Freezing tears
Foolishly waiting
Why don’t I deserve?
To be happy
More than to be sad
All things I do
They’re all for you
But you chose to look
From the baddest angle
And I can’t help
But weep
All the time
Tita Halaman Nov 2020
Woman
I understood, since then
I got it, since then
I always read, I always hear
But that’s that?
Isn’t there something more?
Why am I even seeking?
Why am I always like this?
Here, my insatiable hunger for certainty
Speaks
Again
But there,
Dear credence, it’s you
So, I’ll just sleep
And trust
And believe
Tita Halaman Nov 2020
How true, I’ve been running
In a secret place, a hidden race
To finish five whole years in one

How true, I’m still searching
My safest space, a comfort place
On your shoulder, where I’m still no one

Brimmed with tears, I’ll face my years
I’d still walk when I’m tired
All alone, the saddest tone
Is this what my heart desired?

Why can’t you just help me?
Why can’t you just walk?
Why can’t you just speak?
And still, you’re lovely
Bet this world should award me
As the bravest foolish lonely
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