A hanus ***** born from the flame
When you do things wrong, I'm still to blame
Ugly in the face, heart and mind
A hateful soul Id regret to find
Using your hate yet you still lose this war
You're the ugliest soul I've ever seen before

Mortal words describing beauty so pure
Words don't exist for that I'm sure
But she was a goddess in my humble eyes
Mortal words hold many truths but many lies
Lying through the teeth like most mortals do
Though I cannot lie when I'm describing you
Because of you I know what I feel
Never I thought a woman could be real

To write about this girl is no easy task
How do you describe perfection?
I could tell you about how she makes me feel
How she calms my head when it gets to loud
How shes my guiding light when I'm lost in the crowd
How I can't go a day without craving her touch
If you couldnt tell I miss her so much
I could tell you how she brightens my day
Or some other basic cliche
More true is that she is my very world
In this neverending universe
The reason the sun rises to end the dark nights
The reason rain falls so we can dance in the puddles
The reason I strive to be a better man
There is nothing I want more than to see her succeed
She's not the girl I want but the only girl I need
I keep falling in love with her every single day
Shes the definition of perfection in every single way

Its crazy how one night can make me regress
I ****** up all my progress
Hating myself for a stupid mistake
Maybe my happiness was all just fake
Maybe I wasn't making any progress at all
Or maybe I'm always doomed to fall
I just want to give up and accept my fate
And let myself be consumed by hate
It's easier to go back to hiding in my bed
Praying that soon I'll be dead

And just like that I turn 22
Yet a month ago I didn't think I was going to see this year through
Coming to terms with my own mortality
I never thought this would be my reality
But here I am now, still alive
Years of pain I'd never thought I'd survive
Though the pain may never truly fade away
I'm glad I get to live to see another day

Please forgive me while I write
Lonely thoughts wonder the night
Choking on my sins alone
Sitting on a shattered thrown
Begging for you to hear my voice
Your arrogance was the right choice
Knowing this was my final fate
I should repent these sins before it's too late

i know you don't like me
and that you think that you're better
and above my existence
and wanna forget we were together
and you think cause i smoke and drink
i'm a *** and a waste
but for all that it is
i ignore all your hate
because i know that you hate me
because of stuff that you did
you miss me don't you
and it makes you wanna *****
i can't absorb all the responsibility
for the issues we have
between us two
i have to have my own back
for once at least
and not let you just trample
over all of my feelings
or make an example
out of me and my willingness to die for you
love twisted and mistaken
i would have taken most anything
to prevent this devastation
but it would have never mattered what i did
or didn't do
i can do my part
but can't rely on you
to do yours
or treat me like a human
i'm **** now
and awful and stupid
at least in your eyes
that's what i've become
i'm flawed but i'm kind
and you're blind and young
just as i had to be to let you in
and how i have to be to let you go
you broke my ******* heart
but i won't let you have my soul

i did it before you
i'll do it without you
you meant something
but now you have to be nothing
i hate it
but its how it has to be
if i ever want to be happy
i know this isn't real
and i'm talking to myself
but now that you're gone
this is what i have to do
to feel just a little okay
and move on little by little each day
one day you will truly
truly be nothing
would you like that?
are you ready for that?

i hope not
(and i hope it stings
is that wrong of me?)