I wear a hat,
Just a cap,
I wear it raised slightly with it tilted, a little to the right,

I carry my vanity in it,
People look at me with a label,
But different than the one I fear,
So I stand up a little taller with my new found vanity,

I am happy with my image,
I don't care if my parents look at me questioning what they raised,

I don't care if people think I look intimidating trying to see the criminal through the sunglasses,

Because for once I feel I can be individual and still be comfortable with myself.

I have a messed up life,
But it doesn't matter anyway,
But why bore you with this dull trife,
It doesn't matter anyway,
There are things to do,
Places to be,
No one has the time for chatter,
It doesn't matter anyway,
So walk on I say,
I'll just be alone,
I'm fine,
But it's not like it matters anyway,
I don't want to be held,
Told that I am loved,
As I sit trapped in a black room alone inside my head,
But don't worry you don't listen anyway,
I'll tell you about the words that peck at me,
I'll tell you about the ideas of what I could do wrong run on repeat inside of my head,
I'll tell you about my dreams,
I'll tell you about my fears,
I'll be happy thinking that I got something through,
But you won't listen,
You never do,
But that okay it doesn't matter anyway.

I wear a mask to hide my desperation and insecurity,
I have a mask that shows pride,
I have a mask that shows generosity and kindness,
I have a mask that shows power and leadership,
I have a mask that shows loyalty and respect,
I have a mask that shows never who I really am.
I have many masks,
Most you won't see,
But they are still there.

I have power in my mind,
Ideas that would blow the world away,
I have visions that would change the world,
I think for the thought of others,
I have power in my mind,
But to say what I think,
What visions that I see,
What ideas I have,
Is not possible because of fear of my stupidity.

As the days of celebrations approach,
I seem to do nothing but wrong,
I'll do the littlest of things wrong,
But I won't know that it is wrong,

So I'll ask my God's what it is that I have done to offend them,
They will not answer me,
The silence of my brothers and sisters is all I'll get,

But I'll try to move on,
To make these days of celebrations worth it,
With my mind so infected I won't know if this will be my last...

I stand here alone,
Unable to speak,
My back turned pretending pride,
As my mother walks away,
My heart dies as I want to help her ,
But I keep walking,
My dam pride forcing me to step farther away,
I can't grasp control of my body,
What am I proud of,
Nothing,
I walking away achieves nothing,
So I turn around and let go of my pride,
"Mom,"
The tears that well in my eyes as she turns around,
"I'm so sorry mom, I..."
But she silences me as I am embraced by her body.

I have a place I call my own,
I enter it every time I step out the door,
I create an image of my fantasy in the reality,
I am a proud outspoken person where you can't see what I have,
I am just like everybody else,
I have a label that defines me as normal and not as something else,
I am so happy when I visit this place,
I leave every time I go home,
To face the reality that defines me that makes me leave my world.

I lean against the tree looking at her while I strum my guitar lazily,
She sings while avoiding eye contact,
"You're beautiful"
She snorts out a laugh,
"You're still beautiful"
Her eyes twinkle as they let a glance pass,
I continue to strum my guitar,
She lays in the grass looking at the stars,
I see the universe through her eyes,
The night is quite except for the guitar and the wind,
I shake my head and I think how I'm so lucky to have her,
This old broken man with a perfect girl like her,
I love her and I lye beside her,
Seeing her in the universe.

Living is for the happy,
Dying is for the not,
But lying gets us nowhere,
So trying to be happy is like dying on the inside,
Trying to stay afloat in an ocean of depressing things.

I look into her eyes,
Now is the perfect time,
Underneath the stars blanketed by an oak tree,
Christmas lights covered in Japenese lantern shades hang from the branches,

They bring out the sparkle out in her eyes,
I look at her eating crackers,
I love her freckles and how they describe her personality,

I pull out my guitar and play a tune,
As I strum my song,
Our song,
I am certain I know what I am doing,

After I stare at her and her I,
I decide,
I put my guitar down gently on the grass,
I get out of my sitting position,
And go on one knee in front of her,

"Pardis Sarin, I realize that it's only been 3 months, but I have never in my entire life felt so certain of this choice  that I am about to make, and I love you so much and I want to be with you forever."
She begins to realize what I am doing,
She starts tearing up,
Her eyes sparkle even more intensely,
"Now that the cheesy corny parts over,
I have one single question to ask you."
.............
I pause the question,
I pull out the box,
"Will you Pardis Sarin,
be my apartment buddy?"
She is shocked,
I open the box and pull out a ring,
"Okay lets do this again...
Will you marry me Pardis Sarin?"
She starts crying uncontrollably,
"Did I do something wrong?"
I get concerned, I get up and hug her,
"Yes,"
I barely hear the word through the sobbing and the layer of clothes her face is stuffed into,
"To which one?"
"Both you idiot,"
We kiss under the oak tree as the stars twinkle.

Flowers are pretty when they bloom,
When they incubate their petals they look like blunt spears,
They fear losing their dear children,
When they die so does the plant,
Leaving a plot of where life used to exist,
Their unborn children sprout and float through the air,
Until they find a friend to attach to,
They hold on and grow with their new found friend,
As they grow their flower suffocates its friend,
Until only the flower is left.

The dim light that fell within the boundaries of my thoughts,
Illuminated my heart,
As you told me that it was going to be okay,
The light began to grow,
And ignited a flame,

As I began to crawl out of the cave of my insecurities,
You held out your hand,
Giving me the strength to begin my long battle towards self confidence,

My motivation did not waver,
As your quiet patience has kindled the fire that pushes me on,
I have made progress,
Yet the journey is far from over,

I am still afraid of society's judgements,
But I'm beginning to stop pretending to be the person I want to be,
I am tolerating myself and my real image,

The leaves sway in the wind,
While the setting sun highlights the trees delicate tones,
With its pure white flowers and bright green leaves,

The spring flowers have already bloomed and gone,
Such as mother nature  intended it to be,
Yet one tree has remained with a full bloom,

While among it lay the burned remains of its brothers and sisters,
So delicate,
So alone,

The rays of light are just strong enough,
This tree that stands has become a symbol of hope for what remains of humanity,
A white flag in the horizon,

This lone tree stands at the centre,
The centre of no man's land,
With smoke and bullets
This tree stands among a desolate unforgiving landscape,

Today the last of humanity will complete it's goal,
This tree will be the last of what once was,
The only living thing on planet earth,

In the future this tree will stand,
It alone has the greatest responsibility,
To spread its seeds to rebuild mankind,
The tree accepts this responsibility,

But mother nature nods her head,
"No more."
The tree will never bloom again and never shed it's seeds,

The tree begins to drop its seedless pure white petals,
The weightless petals gently reach the dirt without a sound,
Yet the weight of a single petal landing has sent shock waves around the empty world,

This is truly the end.

Have you ever questioned things,
Have you ever wondered  how a plane can fly?
You already know how the science works,
But still it still awes you,

Have you ever wondered how big our planet really is,
Yes we know it has some 7 billion people,
And is some millions of kilometres wide,
That's just the thing 7,000,000,000 people live on this planet we call earth yet we see this number as 7.
We crawl on this earth claiming our tiny few bits of property building our lives upon it and growing others to pass on our stories,
We pay so little attention to our world and of what we do is contorted and twisted to appease the audiences,
So explore the world,
Get out of your tiny little worlds,
Create something that is unthought of,
Imagine the possibilities,
Be the person you want to be,
Love who you love and not who tells you to love them,

In society we consume approximately
28,980,000 tons of food a year. Yet we waste 9,920,801,798 tons of food a year. We complain on how other children in other countries can't get enough food, yet we can barely afford to feed our own. In a an average sized household in the U.S. Approximately only 80% of the food purchased is actually consumed. We complain about rising food prices, what if we stopped throwing so much food away, or at least lower the production of food we make. Still why do we throw away so much food?
Have you ever noticed when you go downtown the amount of fast food restaurants, bars, pubs, restaurants in general, diners, food trucks, they all have a commercial kitchen that carry food. In each building are approximately 3-7 commercial kitchens  in every building. Then multiply that by the number of buildings...

That is a lot of food consumed, and only a third of the food in a commercial kitchen is actually consumed and not thrown away.  

Yet we go on with our daily lives unconscious, uncaring, with our busy lives to notice the outside world and its problems, but we are still unconscious, uncaring and to busy with our daily lives to even pay attention to what happened in our own neighbourhood. So next time you go out to eat pay attention to the amount of food you leave on your plate.

I am a puppy small and free,
At least in my cage that is,
I run around my cage all day content with the circles I make,
"Get out Get Out " people tell me,
I don't because I am content with running in circles stuck in my cage of independence,
I whimper when my parents speak to me,
I cry to be let out,
But I am content with running in circles stuck in my cage of independence,
I want to get out but what would I do after that.

People ask me what it feels to have depression,
I answer the question, "This question is not your real question, ask me the real question."
People ask me what is depression, to a depressed person,
"It's like a drug that feels so good, but can **** you at any time."
People ask me how I cope with this depression,
"Take more of it, just like tylenol"

Age 19- 2018 Graduation from High school

Age 25- 2024 Graduation for physiology

Age 25- 2024 Get a job in physiology, maybe start dating

Age 27- 2026 Maybe I’ll get married

Age 28- 2027 Maybe we will have a child

Age 29- 2028 Maybe we will buy a house with a really heavy mortgage

Age 49- 2048 Maybe our kid would move out

Age 51- 2050 Maybe we will buy a new house

Age 69- 2068 Maybe finally we will be able pay off the mortgage

Age 72- 2071 Maybe I could finally retire

Age 83- 2082 Maybe I will look back and wonder if I am satisfied with what I have done.

I regret nothing,
Nothing being everything,
I regret that I don't understand,
I regret standing,
I regret crying in front of you,
I regret telling you the truth,
I regret lying,
I regret being me,
I regret having this disease in my head,
I regret having thoughts,
I regret feeling the way I do...

I regret nothing other than living.

****** me,
****** me,
Relive me of my pain,
Strangle me until I go limp,
Stab me until I bleed out,
Burn me and spit upon me as I indulge in the relief of my pain.

We have rights as human beings living within our borders. We are taught never to get in trouble with the law in another country. The reason, many countries have corrupt governments, they appeal to simple bribes and convict the innocent falsely. In some countries they do not even control their country but rather by gangs who have "deals" with their government not to interfere with international affairs. If the international community saw this "friendship" would make the government look weak, corrupt and not able to control its people.

We also have people hired by these governments to inflict these laws, yet there are many cases of a police officer who used his privileges unjustly because the person thought that they would never be arrested because they were above the law. They take their status and use it as an advantage , they ****, they assault, they arrest, just because of ***, financial status, religion, and race. When they are prosecuted their sentence is reduced due to the fact that they are fellow officers who would do the same for them.

Even if we have a legal system that is fair and just, we might think that the convicted will be prosecuted fairly, and the innocent and victims cared for. Yet there are so many gaps in our legal system that sometimes the guilty run free and the innocent convicted wrongly.

How will our government ensure that society is safe from the dangerous, and the innocent protected? How will the government insure that people who have been convicted can become part of society again and not be a threat? How can the government insure that that phycological distressed people don't get guns? How can they do this and still have the ability to let people use guns?

I follow my own road,
Unable to determine really what road that is,
All I know is that,
It's not a big road,
Nor a paved one,
I am on a gravel road stretching for miles,
I don't speed on this road,
I'm driving below the speed limit,
I imagine that my road that I am taking is winding and undecided,
I'm driving a classic Bugatti Type 57sc Atlantic,
In a pale sky blue colour,
I don't care how long it takes for my path to straighten,
I just want to enjoy the ride,
Until life catches up.

I reep my blood,
Yet you are unsatisfied,
The bridges I cross to satisfy my...your thoughts,

The pain I suffer because I...you think of depressing things,
The music I listen to and walk the edge of cliffs,
Yet you push me closer to the edge,

But I can't do it yet,
The music is to loud for now,
I wonder how much longer it will be to loud for,
My doctor gave me more pills to take,

I won't take them,
Afraid I'll purposely overdose on them,

I go to school,
I am in grade 12,
I go to an idiot school,
People who have "damage,"
I know that's mean,
But that is how damaged I am,
I don't really care though,
I don't really care if you do,
Judge me,
Scrutinize me I don't care,
At least I'm going to school and learning something,
While you sit here and read my poem getting nowhere.

If you think that your passwords are   Un-hackable, change them anyway...

In a recent study it is shown that women are 80% more likely than men to use the word "password" as their password. This gives hackers a #1 target. Along with "password" other easy combinations follow "1234" "4321" "123456" etc...

So what do we do to prevent pervs from getting our credit card password and buying all the stuff off of any perverted website...
Think about your password really hard, write down what it is on a private file "in/out of the computer", never ever have the same password for anything.

What is our government doing to make sure that they don't get hacked?
The governments preventative measures to insure that there is no "cyber terrorism" they have hackers hired to literally hack the U.S. Government. Then if they get through (which happens a lot) the government then immediately fixes it.

The way the government is insuring and enforcing security in the country is failing, due to the amount of "supposed" and "legally" obtained land around the world, the more they collect the less smaller the number of people you have to protect the area. The amount of money going into the country itself is much less than what is invested into international military involvement. Why spend so much?
Because Americans have a lot of pride, they think that the world owes it to them because their so rich. Yet the U.S. Has a debt of $19.3 trillion dollars.

Every year the US government spends $598.49 billion dollars, why? Since the US loves to put its big shiny boot into everyone's *****, a lot of people start disliking them, so the US ready to **** it's pants builds up a military that makes them look tougher.

I rise thinking what I can do better today,
When I fail at that I think is there another way,
At night when it's all over I think about what I can do better tomorrow,
I hate doing these endless pointless circles that eventually end at a cliff.

We judge, we convict, we abolish, we abuse, we scrutinize, we ****, and we ****.

Until we think that we have completely eradicated it from the infected. But let history prove itself worthy, we are still a bunch of selfish children who want everything perfect, and everything that does not qualify as perfect in our world must die.

We think that because of history being the way it is we are not aloud to explore different "options" because it's against this thing that controls our lives called "religion".
We were never told that we actually had the option of not following that religion.

But people still did it, but in secret, so they made laws and said it was for the best of the community and themselves. If found out they were sent to an asylum where they were ***** until they felt nothing else after that. They were then maybe lucky to be released, most who actually got out alive without dying from the ****, committed suicide within the month.

People think that we have fixed our issues around this situation of freedom of sexuality. Yet people still can't accept this because this thing called "religion" clouds their minds. These disputes have caused the destruction of families, and once almost divided a whole country.
And all of this just to have the freedom to express who you want to marry, who you want to be, or what you want to have.

Woe is me,
Woe is me,
Is what you say I say to thee,
But I say woe is you and not to thee,
But don't you see if woe is thee then woe is to thy as is to thee,
Why yes if woe is to thy then woe is to thee as is to thy both the same ,
I hate Shakespeare some days

Spit in my face and laugh at the shame of society.
I am but a fantasy placed in the world for the use of anyone.
I am a tool for you to use for whatever, I am a thing that contributes for nothing that everybody hates.

Sing to me my sweet release,
Sing to me my sweet relief,
Sing to me my love song,
Sing to me my hope song,
Sing to me my life song,
Sing to me my hate song,
Sing to me my hurt song,
Sing to me my death song,

I have skin,
Very thin skin now,
I had thick skin back then,
Before the relentless Gods burned off my layers,
Now they poke at my thin layer,
Piercing a small bit so that I mend it,
They do it again and again taunting me with this never ending game,
But it's not a game in their eyes,
They see it as them helping me.

Society is but a continuous cycle we are born, we live our lives, born others, raise them, and then we die. It happens repeatedly over and over again in an unending predictable cycle. But sometimes this predictable cycle is broken an earthquake happens and the pattern is broken in the affected area. But then in a few years it just goes back to the unending cycle.
See society does not function without a repeatable pattern that's just how we work. When you learn something new like riding a bike a step out of the pattern, but eventually you start going on it more and more then it becomes a pattern. But why continue in this pattern. Is it as easy as asking for something different at a restaurant. Wrong after you do that once then you'll try it again and then you'll try it another time, eventually it becomes a full blown pattern.

Society is funny,
Really truly funny,
We have one society (the world)
Then you have smaller societies such as continents, countries, cities, cultural groups within the city, etc...
But the smallest of societies we create are small groups of people that you meet everyday i.e. Work, the bus stop, coffee shop. But how is a society created in such a small group of people?
Society is a word used to describe how people around other people are supposed to act around a group. So when you have a coffee shop and the same people go there everyday and sit in the same spot, then it is expected by other people to know that you can't sit there because everyone else has there own spot. Thus if someone not part of this society comes into the cafe and sits in another persons spot then the conformity of this society is broken.

I wonder some days,
As if my life is in a haze,
My parents just say it's a faze,
I don't think that is how it plays,
All I hear and see around me are nays,
As I struggle to do my pays,
As long as it stays,
It will take many days.

I want to be anywhere but here,
I have accumulated a lot of fear,
Here in this unforgiving world,
You won't ever see me shed a tear when I leave,

You'll hear a giant sigh of relief,
I'll watch you from above,
Rambling about how you regret what you've done,

O dear! You'll say in fear of me coming back,
Don't worry I won't come back to sneer at you,

People who called me a quire will forget,
But I'll steer them to remember me,
So in my final words I'll say,

"All who fear,
All who shed a tear,
All who would love to be freer,
All who don't sneer,
All who seek sheer power,
You will be remembered by me."

There's someone in my bed,
They look familiar,
She's sleeping,
I look at her,
I close the door and walk downstairs,
I sit at the couch,
There are three men sitting around the couch,
I walk to the kitchen and see a woman cooking something,
They are all strangers,
No, wait!
I am the stranger in my home.

I'm on my hands and knees,
Blood everywhere,
I being the one that is bleeding,
I try to get up,

But my thoughts return the blows,
This time my ears start to bleed,
I am losing quickly,
I start seeing stars,

I just lye there,
My mind goes for another strike at me,
NO!!!
I scream shooting up,

Scattering my minds blow,
I grab my thoughts and tear them apart,
My weapon,
The thought of my family and their dispair.

I get up out of my bed,
I check myself in the mirror,
Nothing,
I walk out of my room,

I have no scars to show the fight of..... for my life.

I love you like a drug,
You shake me off with a shrug,
"Sugar baby," I tell you while we hug,
You think I'm a huge lug,
"I got you a mug" I said
"It says Doug"
"It's the thought that counts " I said  
She rolls her eyes and sends me to Doug's dog house.

For doctors to think that you have suicidal tendencies they often rely on extreme factors  such as suicidal attempts etc.
I am depressed,
Thoroughly depressed,
Some days I feel suicidal and I start thinking about it,
But just think,
You become happy (for a second) as you realize that the world won't have to **** you along anymore,
This is my state of suicidal depression.

I just spoke with my mother,
She is helpful when she doesn't talk about me,
When she talks about me its on how funny I am that I mess up so easily,
On how funny my disability is,
On how funny it is that I don't get something that a "normal" kid would get,
On what a 9 year old gets and I don't,
On how much I can't do,
On telling me what I can't do because I can't adapt,
On telling me why I can't do something when I don't want to hear it because I always know why,
On what's basic knowledge of a 2 year old I still don't have,
So I talked to my mom today and I feel a lot better about myself.

I look at people walk with these squares in their hands,
Laughing at something no one else sees,
Talking to no one,
Listing and dancing to silence,
Seeing a virtual reality in reality,
This new thing called "Pokémon go" came out where it requires the user to "go outside" yet there is no "avoid the obstacles" objective to the game. So why are we so addicted to such a thing? I have no idea, I don't and will never involve myself in such an immersive virtual reality that is free.

I have read books about having chips in our heads that are computer screens visualized to our eyes. This scares me, why? Because then we are truly impaired, mentally blind in a sense towards our physical surroundings. If you could choose to look at a 3-D image of wildlife without their "ocular" restrictive materials but rather have them just pop up in your head. Or would you rather look at the breaking seams of reality, while the rest of society looks dazed and lost, as they continue to watch their eyes for the latest celebrity scandal.
See these things have their benefits yes, but we don't care about the societal deficiencies we pick up as more and more people get these chips implanted.

My heart races as I approach,
I sit down on the couch,
Trying to appear casual,
My palms are sticky from sweat,
I try focusing my attention to the tv,
But my mind spins,
Hold it, wait till it goes to commercial, I tell myself,
I wait past yet another commercial break fighting a battle in my head,
Finally I can't hold it in any longer,

"Mom, I need to tell you something."

Leviathan,
Well what is it than,
Shall I call the man,
No,
What shall it be than,
Shall I call the woman,
No,
Then dam to you as I stand here as your slave,
What,
The boy,
Who's boy,
Alright I shall demand that the boy be sent forth at once,
But he's just a boy,
I look at the face of life as I hand off the world

Was the dark painted with careful delicate strokes,

Or was it burned with the intent of creation,
As the ashes formed the dying stars,

Creativity has its purpose on canvas,
It has become a symbol of hope for the broken brushes,

The canvas plays with meanings as critics share their prophecies of emotional understanding,
But nobody really knows,
As the paint and blood vaguely hide the truth,

Only the broken brush responsible for creation knows what secrets hide in the image,
As it's mind will paint what can it's eyes can not visually express,
To understand the image is to understand the mind of the broken brush,

But even that is far more complex than the easy imagination we create as we see ourselves as the creator,
The observer feels enlightened by the sense of "understanding"
If the observer truly could understand the image,
They would have seen the creators own blood used as paint,

Smack, jab, punch,
I hit the ground blood on the floor I get back up,
Kick, jab, punch,
I hit the ground teeth on the floor I get back up,
Knee, jab, punch,
I hit the ground I see a bone sticking out I get back up,
Elbow, jab, punch,
I hit the ground and my arms twisted I get back up,
Stab, jab, punch,
I hit the ground and lye there and I don't get back up,
Lift, carry, off,

We build the society of the imperfect finally perfected,
The immortal spirited body,
A kiss of life,
Follow these 10 laws or be punished by discrimination in the church,
Make sure to spread the word to the hopeless and imperfect,
Give money,
But not to much to become imperfect,
Be humble in your greed,
Eat the bread that you sow for yourself,
Drink the wine mixed with water,
Don't forget to pretend that it's holy,
When the man speaks make sure to listen,
He'll instruct you about the revolution.