My name is Nathan.
I have never aspired for much,
Only that my existence have an impact
On those who chose the burden
Of my friendship.

I'm only kidding though,
I act as though only darkness
Remains inside me but in actuality:
I have just been cultivating
A brighter light.

My path turned to gravel
For a while there,
By rocky, I really mean
The jagged, fractured stone
Gave way to open space-

- But it looks like I caught myself
Just in time.
I am reminded in this moment,
With the slow beating of my heart
That I exist on my own.

The recognition doesn't matter
Because one day you'll all see.
The warrior time has made me.
One day I'll help to change things
For all of us.

My name will one day be a symbol
Of strength.
Because the true measure isn't
About what you can lift.
But the weight that you can carry.

I can't grieve,
not for things I don't understand
not for things that haven't happened to me.
I can't offer you support or share your grief,
it's not my own and therefore, any emotions I feel or display,
is partially false.

   I don't tell you this to be rude. I tell you because it's the truth.
It's a truth I feel I should expose. Don't ask me to grieve with you,
I cannot.
Don't ask me to feel and understand your pain always,
because I may not be able to.
Don't judge me for not being able to relate,
Sometimes it's just not possible.
In return I won't judge or ask of you anything I cannot do myself.

The truth is…I feel many things, deeply.
I feel pain, sorrow, anger, remorse, regret, happiness and nervousness.
I can feel them all but sometimes there are somethings I shut out.
Grieving, and experiences I myself have no idea how to handle or deal with. I shut them out, because sometimes there isn't room for more.
    Truth, I think of myself as a cup.
I'm always filled to the brim with feelings to deal with.
If there's any room I'll share in yours. But trust me to decide if there's room.
  The truth is I love too deeply, and care too much to feel much else. All I want is someone to understand that silence, repressed emotions, and anger are the only way I know to deal with it. I want someone to understand, I'm not being mean.
I'm surviving.