17
untold horrors
Innumerable errors
Front of no worries
Inside of painful flurries
Fighting down the guilt
The pain
The fear
The anger
The hate
Of actions
Of the past
Present
Full of resent
Never being good enough
For self standards
3 times
3 full restarts
3 times failed
Sadness
Not being able to be
What is needed
Knowing those laid to rest
Would be ashamed
And Enflamed
Being a self
That is despicable
Unreadable
Disagreeable
Unchanging
Lacking the will
To change
And fulfill
All that is wanted
Knowing that self
Is broken

We have no choice in our birth
Or the time we are brought into this earth
Henceforth tis only by a want
A choice not to be flaunt
It's a fight that will only put on delay
The day when we kiss this world away
Destined for a date unfathomable
But to some the beauty is discoverable
Each soul lives by self a self goal
Wonderful wants tucked into a unique skull
To some the end is a terrible fear
Others becon it near
"Love thy neighbor"
They may be poor
Or
Shut you out with the slam of a door
But, if you love you can do no more
We will all face the hooded reaper
It can end in a gentle whisper
Or a terrible fight of terror
For many including i
We don't wish to die
But there are those who suffer
Whose choice to live is to worse than the other
We all wish to save eachother
And yet must discover
Dieing is a salvation
To a burdened soul without any hope of a collection
Of their deserved happy memories
Denied to them since infancies
As awful truths as these
Death is no disease
I love you
And no matter what may be
That is true

I'm familiar
With anger and it's control
But this rage is new

After you were gone
You never really were
A wisp of you here
A flash of you there
Everywhere
At breakfast I remember your tips on how to cook
When choosing a song I feel the urge to start with one of your favorites
I wake up and go to say good morning
My hand hangs empty and cold
My walks are lonely and speechless
    You are gone from me physically
But you are stamped into my life
More you than me
Always there
In flashes
And wisps

Mind over matter
so they say
but the mind is fickle
unclear and ever changing
while matter cannot be destroyed or created
controlling matter
an un-diminishable force
is simply impossible

Look into the stars
The abyss of mystery
Absorb the splendor

When I gaze skyward
After darkness has settled in
When the worlds first true wonders begin to appear one by one like timid fireflies
I feel myself shrinking, becoming insignificant
One day, we will join them
today
However I'm shown my finite life

habbits don't all show through daily
Like a nail biter
Or the drug addict fighter
Unlike the masterbater
Some are shown over time
Like mine
all the betrayals
All the heartbreaks
All the times I sent a (:
When I knew.. It would lead her on
Or all the times
Hopes were built up
When they should have never been
Or thinkin more of me and I
Than of her and they
My habit is to be me
Which is awful as any person can be

Mastering emotions
Sounds astounding
No sudden tears
Or embarrassing blush
But
It becomes a drug
Secretly
Becoming easier each time
Only when feelings are few and life loses its joys
Is the mistaking known
Of the drug and addiction
Of the crime
And no emotion comes with the revelation
No more a human
A robot with flesh

The innocence dies  
There is a realization
The world is evil

Time**
  Doomed from the beginning
for we live by a thing that defines change
powerless against its incomprehendable hold
only allowed foggy memories of the once was
Tis neither cruel nor merciful
time is simply *changing

A truly painful
Decision, how can you stay
Part of my life yet?

If you want to know
What it is like to be free
Close your eyes and dream

If you want to know
What it is like to be free
Close your eyes and dream

What can it all be
An illusion infinite
Bringing forth nothing

Found amidst others
Number one on the short list
Ha ha here I am

Do you ever think about how you are you,
as a conscious being.
everyone else is only as themselves.
What is it like to be them?
What do they think about?
What makes them happy?
You are you and they are they
It cannot be changed.
I'm me and that's all I know as life, you're you and that's all you know as life.
We both are alive but only as
ourselves.

Would it been better
To have never existed
Than exist alone