this is not a secret anymore
but it is because i feel it.
my heart isn't
responding that much
and it could be the
cigarette contents.

but never mind that
for the obscurest thing
no words can describe
is how frail my body
turned out.

my tongue feels like
it is always swelling
from trying to bend
all the necessary words
i tried to speak under
these anxious episodes
i try to hide.

and my feet burns
so as that tragic
moments that took
me second thoughts
before the steps
that seemed to break
my spirit.

Ever, I remember you.
You put this curse
on me very well that I can't
seem to believe
that you got the guts
all along to destroy
something beautiful.

I will always remember
the beautiful parts.

the roots in my head
are violently
spreading and
no certain amount of
chain smoking could make it stop.

if i'm seeing things right,
how could anyone be so
calm when everything
is heading towards a
pointless meaning
and the blinded are
deceived by the
temporal irrelevance of their
genuine hobbies.

i'm restrained enough
with this work and earn thing
already and one more push is all it
takes to end this *******.

oh god, is this a trap you set
for us seers?
and if you are so great you
know what I truly mean.

my voice echoes in this empty house
on a thursday morning in a time
where you no longer walk the floors
and touch the walls of it.

i imagine our time, our short youth;
the sun rays passing through the shades
of my room sides on your sleeping skin
your soft arms, everything.

i can't describe clearly enough
for i didn't get to look long
enough for the last time.

i miss you from the other side.
i can't make the perfect poem.

i feel like i shouldn't be here
or shouldn't be thinking in an
era where thinking makes you all
different and all that stuff.

because of this, i needed more
than ten fingers to count
how many times i've had
these vague conversations
with myself
discussing things that
non-thinkers wouldn't last
a second to spare to even try to
make a whim out of it with
the likes of me

i don't need everyone to agree
with all what i have in mind
but it seems that this tranformation
my slightly unfortunate
youth donated is making me
all weary
and the conversations i had
with myself is making me all
lonely

being accepted in your
natural ways is a myth
hell, the best example
is how these local band people
always act and think you should please
them 'cause of their rockstar bull
and that they do something out of
the common
well they are all narcissists to me

and these idealists are miles
away from the actualities
so there's really no way to find
a way to get out of this cycle

it's the 'nobody notices it'
part of the spark that angers
me during some occasions
when i'm having a chat with
myself that brings me to
a state of being upset
for nothing
like a teenager's angst
that leads me nowhere
but more realization
of how lonely i get.

Mesmerizing
Captivating
Tantalizing
Divine

Those are the words.
Just the words I say to describe the
happiest
merriest
of memories

all of it washed away by the rain
from the roof down to me

flickering images,
I say my heart pumps
Declines invitations

A bird in a cage, not so original
but I think I can twist this call

A dead bird trying not to think about
any Bukowski quote

Just here lying, thinking of ways
on how to sleep and thinking of
these words here. .

and just how long. .
will my lungs accept the smokes
every time wars evict me from consciousness

mom and dad
I believe you didn't brought me here
just for nothing

the only thing that is clear
is that no one understands
that natural enemies
makes a ******

I'm both.

I'm pretending.

I'm always following.

the instructions.

Though sleeping naked isn't part of it.

and smoking my life away too.

to have fun is to be rich.

but to be happy is to have a lot.
Of people that loves you and will
stand for you

And that's what my greedy business
is all about.

Most are ******* who forces
me to accept to afford loses
and give ins.

Good thing only me and few people appreciates
math rock and bad writing.

every day is a great depression
my neck lives on the payroll
sometimes it tightens up
and that's where the loan shark
shows its dorsal fin. . .

freddie mercury sang it, roared the truth
but like van gogh's audience,
not all knows it. . .

these kids who hangout at malls
will never see it coming
but i sure do now and before then. . .

jesus is an insult
his believers are an insult
and they buried the reality. . .

i am so tired
but i don't have a choice
for i have to finish somewhere. . .

at some point
in the river floating with the fishes
with a mark on my neck
that says, "paid in full."