I would see your eyes glimmer...

I would see your smile,
How can you tell me now that it wasn't real,
when I could see how real it was?

Why did it feel like a punishment to go without speaking to you,
when now it has become the norm?
But it means less now, doesn't it?

How could you scold me for saying "I love you" too much,
when all I am is a mess that needs to be accepted and comforted too?
That alone should've tipped me off.. that it was time to go...

..And that the glimmering stopped in your eyes.

But now, she sees my smile,

She sees how much I care,
and she cares back just the same, maybe even more,
and I can see how real it is,

She hates our time apart,
it is frequent, but it amplifies the time we do have together,
and it means even more,

She reminds me every chance she gets that she loves me,
Because she wants to hear it from me too, and we both need the unnecessary reassurance,
and that's our confirmation that we belong where we are...

...And it amplifies both her smile and mine.

Tell me,
Tell me who you are, and what you came to do,
Tell me what it is to love like I did you,
Tell me what it is for you to not feel the same,
Tell me what it is for a division to bring no pain,
I cannot wrap my mind around the concept of understanding,
Which is, in and of itself, a paradox,
Though, the thoughts which keep me awake at night aren't those of dreams or paradoxes,
They're of wonder, and lust, my interpretation of "just",
But tell me,
Tell me now,
What is it like to have two personalities?
I know, because I do,
But putting it into words would be impossible,
Why is it that Jekyll doesn't Hyde?
Tell me here, in this wonderous space,
What is it?
What is it that brought us here?

ABCDEFGHIDONTKNOWHOWTOLOVEANYMOREJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ

Sometimes we wear our emotions...
our feelings... our hearts...
on our skin... on our sleeves...

Out there, for the world to see,
And for pain to chime in with its pleasuring decree,
I've turned my skin inside out,
To escape the extrovert that I had become,
It wasnt me,
To see myself run wild and free,
To fall, to feel pain, to get back up,
To try to gain, the momentum I had before,
Before I retreated to the inside of myself,
And it was experience that I henceforth lacked,
In that I was poor,

I reversed myself again,
My heart on my sleeve,
For everyone to see,
Was this me?
Or was I bereaved...
Of the past... of the comfort...

I ran,
And I fell,
And I got up,
And I fell,
And I got up,
And I told myself that I was falling because I was only running with one leg,
I hadn't yet dedicated myself to the task,
In thought, I had to bask,
To become the person strong enough to use their entire ability that they were given,

Have you ever been ******* at someone because they're so good at something but say that they are terrible?
Like if they paint a picasso and call it trash, claiming that they just enjoy painting but arent any good at it?
Meanwhile you wish you could grow to their capability, but can't?

It's that jealousy that live dishes out,
And it's not the main course,
It's the appetizer,
Because the main course is a ****-sandwich,
And life serves a lot of those,
And sometimes, you're forced to accept seconds, and thirds, and fourths, and many more,
But you'll learn to accept them with a smile on your face,
Because it's still a meal,
Its nourishment in the form of a lesson,
And that's whether you like it or not.

Pull the trigger,
Pop it twice,
Your words are now my only vise.

It feels like at this moment,
Time is money,

I used to ask my dad how much he made, not because I wanted his money, but because I wanted to know how much I needed to give him to pay attention to me,

I felt lost and didn't know how to be found, but then I was able to purchase my way back to reality,

The homeless man on the street doesn't know how to purchase a new reality, so that's the one he lives,

These rose glasses are terrible and I want them to be gone, but at the same time I don't know if I could continue to live in the world without them,

There used to be a strong bond in the word love, but we have abandoned it.
It means almost nothing anymore.

We abandoned our realities, and no amount of money can patch what we have since ****** up.

Dear Mister-
No.
Too targeting.

Dear regrets,
I am here to humbly inform you that you have both planted a seed and sprouted roots. There are many many things that I wish I could undo. You gave me terrors. You made me not understand. You confused me. You made me the way I am. For that, I am grateful. You taught me a lesson. You molded me. You helped shape my missions and write my destiny.
Regards,
Me.

Dear Mrs-
No.
Of course not.
Too direct.

Dear Feeling of Insecurity,
How was it? Persisting all those years. Did you even take a break? You chipped away for days until days became weeks, and then weeks until weeks became months, and then months until months became years. How DID you do it? Rather impressive if I must say so myself. It doesn't matter anymore. You are gone. You gave me a false vision of what I was. It took me a while but I broke that vision and now I can see the real me. For that, I can no longer trust you. I'm not sure though, that I ever did.
Regards,
Me.

Dear Mister-
Terrible.
I can't say your name.

Dear Dysfunctionality,
You are fake. Everytime you stepped into my life you left as soon as I had time to adjust. It seems your goal was to shred mine apart. I hate that. I can never forgive you for what you inspired me to do, but I can forgive you for inspiring me to do this. You helped me in a way that you don't understand. I mean, look who I am?
Regards,
Me.

Dear everyo-
Swallow the lump in your throat and read on.

Dear Suicidal Thoughts,
You almost got me. You had me standing on the edge. I was so close that even a slight breeze would have knocked me down. How does it make you feel to know now that you have been overcome? Does it belittle you as much as you did, me? I sure hope so. Maybe you'll know what it was like to think about those letters. The only thing I can say now is thank God that there isn't a way to do it without causing pain to those you care about. I wouldn't be writing this if there was.
Regards,
The new me.