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Thebeau Jul 2022
I was driving to work the other day
when I saw a man standing on the corner,
He was holding a sign that read,
"My Ex-Wife had a better lawyer,
please help"

How could I be the judge and the jury
when everyone in my life is trying to convict me
of a crime in which I would never plead guilty

Seven.
For the number of times my brain whispered into my ear,
asking me to stop breathing

Six.
For the beginning of the address where you decided to.

Five.
For the age I was when I first realized you were a monster.

Four.
For the number of holes you put in the wall.

Three.
For the number of times you went through detox.

Two.
For the number of years I thought I missed you after you died.

One.
The number of years until your silver anniversary with my mother.

Zero.
For the amount of times you woke up after I told you
that I hated you the night before.

------

50% of marriages in the United States end in divorce,
I remember riding in the car with my mom when I was 14,
We were driving through the center of town on our way back home,
Suddenly she started crying,
This moment became a key memory for me.
She said the words, "We wouldn't have even gotten to 25.
I prayed that I could make the decision to get out.
But I just wanted a divorce, I didn't want him to die."
Thebeau Jan 2021
In the beginning there was peace,
then violence increased.

Let my end be my release.
Thebeau Dec 2020
I have so much to say
But I'm afraid to say it
As if the inner mechanisms of my mind
Would fall apart
Cog by cog
If I were to diagram how my mind spins in circles
I'd surely scare you away
But is that what I'm afraid of?

Hello, metal man.
Machine man.
They've taught you how to feel
How to hide behind your framework
Until you no longer resemble yourself
Until you are more cyborg than human
But what is it that you fear?
For your beady eyes still show resent
From a past you cannot remember.
Thebeau Nov 2020
If i had known

That life would progressively get ******* and *******

That this would be the world i would have to grow up in

Then i would've tried harder to **** myself then

i don't think i have it in me now
Thebeau May 2020
I miss the girl that I met in my small town,
I miss the girl that I would throw my arms around...
I miss the way the sun would make her eyes glisten,
and ******* I miss the way that she would listen...
I miss the hugs, the affection and the kisses,
And when we fought, it could stave off militias...
I miss the girl that had more problems than me,
I miss the girl who lives on Champain Street.

I miss the girl who made me feel this way
I miss the girl who brought meaning to my day...
I miss the time that I told you that I loved you,
I miss the times when I would talk because I'd trust you...
I miss the girl who wasn't a mistake,
I miss the girl I thought would never walk away...
But now you're gone and I live with my defeat,
I miss the girl who lived on Champain Street.
Thebeau Mar 2020
Not all days are going to produce your bubbly and ecstatic self,
Some days are going to produce a different version of you,
A version that can't get out of the bed because gravity is working against you,
A version of you that has no craving for social interaction,
A version of you that calls off of work because you just can't,
Some days it will feel like the world is working against you and after that day ends, when you move on to the next day, I can't promise that it won't happen again.

What I can tell you is that wherever you are in the world,
Whatever it is that brought this feeling over you or even if it was seemingly nothing,
There is a 100% chance that someone else in the world is feeling that same feeling, right now, just like you.

What I want to tell you is that it will be okay or that it will all be better soon,
but the only thing that I can tell you, is that you aren't alone in this feeling,
and gravity isn't only working against you.
Thebeau Mar 2020
I wanted to **** myself and you were screaming about attention.
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