This burden is Oceans heavy.
Or does it run away from me from
the sacs that are my eyes?
Deadly cursed fool!
Morality slipped away from me;
The truth of me is not from me.
It is swept under beggars carpets,
easily stepped on but never clean.

Burdens run black in the shadow
of the moon tonight.
Suicide is bouncing off these walls
again.
No.
It's me.

I can see the red blotches on the walls.
I slipped up again.

My body betrayed me
When it felt my skin
On yours.
It shivered and
Quivered,
It always wanted more.
There is glass
In my chest;
Nothing more.
Blue is color
Of lovers;
June is no more.

Eyes betrayed I by
Letting you cut me
And break me,
So please,

No more.

I took your look as a kiss.

I felt the green poison flowing
through my veins and being
carried throughout my slim,
uninterested body.  

The language of her look left
me reeling and reaching for
poles covered in grease from
the night before.

Suicides are redundant when
love gets in between unwanted
goals and something new.
It's dark enough in this room

not to care for death tonight.
Her body speaks of adult matters
to a hidden child inside.
Rip me open and devastate me.

It's as good a night as any for sin.
Let the Nile River flow out of me
and into your taboo cavern.
This secret cannot escape our tongues.

To be sure of it, lets wash it down
with ***, whiskey, and gin.
This kind of love is not kind in
the soul of the word.

Your look may be poison, but
my words are what is left
in between regret and suicide.
I now know that your kiss is sin.

Part I

Those car rides with you on Saturdays
were all I really remember of my youth with you.
There was little talking done because it was understood;

You had me when you weren't ready,
but you couldn't hide from me.
You knew everything I couldn't see.

I chewed on my big chew and watched you.
I had a father on this day.
You weren't a black snake wandering and squirming away.

Years later you apologized for what you didn't understand.
Vampires ****** my compassion out of me long ago.
I said It was okay when I should have yelled no.

No more.
No more.
Go! Go! Go!

Part II

Now I always call you in my mind
if I'm not hiding behind blue walls.
The words are always hidden behind black shawls.

I have pieces of you in me
and I don't mean the physical traits.
I know I have your hate.

Men with less of them stayed
for their little runts.
At least your denial was perfectly blunt.

At this age the cycle is complete.
I'm here and I will never understand
why you never stayed to be a DAD.

My love for you is a sin.
This medallion around my
neck burns me now.
It was a gift from a time that felt
as innocent as your skin once did.
The walls are marked red tonight;
I couldn't help playing God.
Pull this pink blob of  mass
out of me.

God has made me from bottom to top.
He saved the last for worse.
He must have made me in July.

I still dream of you by mistake.
When I drive to work
there you are.
I see you in the tears that jump
out of me.

Sometimes, and only sometimes,
I honestly miss you;
but only in the heat of July.

This medallion
around my neck
is to heavy now.
I can't take it off.
It's burnt onto my
skin and the only
thing left to do now
is dance in the marsh
where I met you on
that warm night with
no name to it because
once I laid my eyes on
you I forgot all;
all but your eyes.

You're gone now,
just like the brightness
of July.

I sat by the river
And waited to die.
I felt only shivers
When I tasted Monday's suicide.
I packed my green suitcase
The night before.
I must have meant it.
It's time to go.

Mondays were always deaths joke.

We sat on the swing
and it was magic
because for that moment
my pain floated away
on top of those perfect
butterfly wings and into
the mid-day sun and as
it died I remember
that it was the second
most beautiful thing
I had seen on that
July day because as
remarkable as my sadness
dying in front of my
crimson eyes was I remember
looking at you and
knowing-not thinking-
that these years of walking
through that devils flames
would, in the end,
lead me to
you.
A muse.
All of this is true.