I remember when I fell in love with the color
color blue.
I was pulling on your dress all the while
everything else fell over and became
charcoal grey. 
You wouldn't  pay any attention to me,
and that made me feel
blue.
My heart turned black and screamed out your name,
but you had nothing to say. 
You were busy cutting cleaning your sins from your hands. 
I close my eyes as hard as I can,
and still.
No other color.
Just blue. 
I still pull on your dress in my dreams asking for you attention. 
My lucid dreams never change. You still won't look down
at me.

I miss you

I miss you so much.
(But you were never there).
You forgot your clothes under my bed
(I found a piece of my heart under there)
It burns,
(Your gold necklace around my neck)
You left With a smile, a gamblers delight.
(But you were never there).

That wooden floor.
Those creaking voices under there.
They laugh at me,
They mock me.
You use to walk on that same floor,
There was a creaking in your throat.
You laugh at me,
You mock me.
(But you were never really there).

I think, looking back, you didn't try,
And that,
That was my crime.
There isn't a number to call for the lies you told.
No prison to put you in.
Just a rib cage
With a heart,
I will imprison you there.

A colorful, impressive, innocent life,
Sprawled out on a glitzy boulevard.
Those eyes are yelling for acceptance.
Those eyes are asking for attention.
White and black; blue mixed in as well.
A child´s strength simply isn't there.
That's what a family is for
Here, have some of mine.

That's love
(Or something like it).

Blurry stacks filled with lively smoke seeps out of the gray sky.
Reminders of death and love are stuck to the walls.
Its stench is depressing.
Its mark is repulsive.
Even so, there is a ******* hurt within these walls.
Sadness rains from the silver sky, but so does hope.
Each death is comforted by love ones.
For every goodbye, there is a hello.
The reaper believes it to be fair.
It leaves me feeling scared.

I sit here in this hospital chair,
Waiting for my time to rest.
Eventually I'll get there with a smile on my face,
My loved ones will be there, and finally, I'll rest.

I remember it all,
And that was the point.
I felt every infected scab
On my heart.
Bruised fingertips left their mark.
Your name screams within me.

There are black ghosts inside of me.
They leave their nails in my soul,
Broken off and bleeding through.
And to think
This,
This is all because of your name