Jocelyn

Jocelyn Oct 2018

Rain

Is it just me
or is the rain amazing
I wish we got more here

I love the rain because even though it makes you cold and wet
It feels comforting and warm, like a blanket
The rain also gives of a happily depressing feeling
It's beautiful

As the rain drips down my face
I cry
because the rain is like a friend
you can share your secrets and sadness with it
and it won't tell anyone

When I go inside I lift my blinds
get in my pj's
get a fuzzy blanket
make hot chocolate
and listen to the pitter pat on my window

Rain I love you

Jocelyn Oct 2018

Depression

I hate you more than anything
more than I hate myself
and it's all your fault

You trap me in a box
but I can't breath or see
You scare me
**** it
you TERRIFY me

It's like drowning
but I can see everyone around me
breathing

As much as I hate you
I love you
because
you were there to hold me
when nobody else would

I have one more thing to say to you
*******
You take everything I love away from me
except my true friends
who aren't afraid of you
I don't mind anymore

But recently you took away the one person I love the most
call him what you want
I could care less
Carberry
Cranberry
or simply
Quinn
and that is why I say such awful things about you.

Jocelyn Oct 2018

Lost my mind

There's only so much you can take
I guess I've pushed you to that edge that I never meant to
Now you say you want space
that's fine

I can't look at you anymore without thinking about what you said
I can't think about you without crying
Which is why I avoid my eyes whenever I pass you

Please forgive me and my cuts
Hug me tight enough to show that you care

Please talk to me

I think I

L o s t m y m i n d

Jocelyn Aug 2018

Teenagers

We’re all as bad as we can be
We’re all as rebellious as hell
We’re all bullies

We all sneak out to smoke and do drugs
Even though we only 13
Even though just last year we were still in the same middle school
Even though we are still surrounded by the same people

All of us end up having bigger demons then last year
Most of us are living ticking timebombs on the verge of suicide
Most of us are terrified of the future and will do anything to get away from that

We all yearn to go back to the time when we could just play hangman
Most can’t play hangman because we know hangman is the perfect example of if you say the wrong thing you can end someone’s life

We’re not all bad on purpose some of us are just
b r o k e n

Jocelyn Aug 2018

I wouldn't love me either

"He doesn't love you, sorry."
Oh, really, that's fine I wouldn't love me either.

"Oh, it's okay. I'll get over it."

I'm not surprised he doesn't like me
I mean there's really nothing to like about me!

I'm
U  g  l  y

I'm
S  e  l  f  i  s  h


                                                    I'm
                                   W  O  R  T  H  L  E  S  S

Everybody else is so
beautiful
and perfect.

I'm nothing and he's something
So don't worry,

                 I    w  o  u  l  d  n  '  t    l  o  v  e    m  e    e  i  t  h  e  r
                                                                        j.b.

Jocelyn Jul 2018

Cut my hair

In the deepest of nights
the monster comes to me

It hurts me so much
but it says
I  t    l  o  v  e s   m  e

It tortures me deep into the night
consuming ever last bit of me until I'm almost
g  o  n  e

That's when I start to control myself
I look down at the razor

                            'This isn't what I want to do'
I tell myself but
I   d  o   i  t   a  n  y  w  a  y.

Cut, C u t, C  u  t
It doesn't hurt but it distracts me

I don't want to cut up my arms so. . .

snip, s n i p, s  n  i  p
I cut my hair instead and look at how pathetic I am

As the tears stream down my face I pick myself up and wait for tomorrow to get it fixed.
          j.b.

Jocelyn Jul 2018

The Night

The night is so beautiful,
the stars shine so bright

They make me so happy.

Lying down and looking at the space over you
not knowing what they mean or are.

Getting up and looking over the cliff
wonder what would happen if you jumped,
but then the moon tells you that you're important

So you go back to your car
and go home
j.b