Just below the surface,
Just under the skin,
A deep and blinding darkness,
Devouring from within,
Eating up the light,
Swallowing the soul.
Chop the heart in pieces.
Never again whole.
Clear and present danger,
Residing in the mind.
Looking for a safe place,
But there’s no safety to find.
I’m my own worst enemy.
My nemesis is me.
No one sees the battle,
‘Cause the fighting’s within me.
Fighting to survive,
Against a mind trying to die.
Looking for a reason,
But never knowing why.
The war’s lasted a lifetime,
But the battle’s just begun,
And the fight is neverending,
And yet it can’t be won.
You can win it one day,
And the next leaves you dying,
But you struggle to keep fighting,
And can never stop trying.
To stop is to give in,
To give up on it all,
So you attempt to get up,
Every time you fall.
Each fall is more painful,
And harder to overcome,
But you cry yourself to sleep,
And rise again with the sun
With each day a new battle,
That you wish will never come,
But you fight it anyway
Until you can succumb.
Concede to the struggle,
Or fight through to the end.
Either way you’re fighting
Until you can transcend.
A collection of nows.
A collection of whens.
A collection of soons,
Again and again.

It’s a fleeting thing
An illusion, a thought.
It cannot be controlled,
Or created or bought.

It’s a fear in your mind,
A desire in your heart.
It cannot be stopped,
And it’s full of starts.

The start of a life.
The start of a day.
A brand new beginning.
The start of a new way.

A new way of life.
A new train of thought.
A new feeling inside.
A new lesson to be taught.

A lifetime of feelings,
And thoughts and memories.
A timeline of birthdays,
Holidays, and reveries.

It slips through your fingers
Like sand in an hourglass.
With each passing second
Instantly becoming past.

And what’s it all for?
What’s it mean? What’s it about?
It’s good and it’s bad,
And confusing throughout.

It’s in our souls and our heads,
And we have it on our hands.
It’s all charted out,
Yet no one understands.

It belongs to everyone.
It’s yours and it’s mine.
It’s a concept of moments.
It’s life. It’s time.
Meet me in my emotional depths,
And settle with me among the waves,
For I can get lost there sometimes,
And not come back for days and days.
But if you cannot meet me there,
Do not drag me into the shallows,
And dismiss my ocean of passion,
Because you can’t handle the shadows.
It can be dark and, oh, so cold,
But only on my darkest days.
It’s clean and pure and true,
Whether or not you understand my ways.
My depths are real and here to stay.
My depths are part of me,
So if you cannot tread the deep,
You had better leave the sea.
If you choose to stay on shore,
While I am swimming in the surge,
Then be prepared to say goodbye,
For I don’t dwell amongst the verge.
It’s all or nothing, sink or swim,
But the shallows are not for me,
So come and meet me in my depths,
Or walk away from this empath sea.
Sometimes you just have to let go of someone who isn't willing to meet you amongst the waves of your emotional depth. Don't ever let an emotionally shallow person dismiss your depth.
A feeling so surreal
To watch someone grieve for a lie,
And cry for a person who wasn’t real,
When it’s only a mask who’s died.
The truth is far more sinister,
And lacks the love you feel.
The prayers said by the minister
Won’t make it anymore real,
So wave and say goodbye.
The lie will live in your mind,
But that’s all it is...a lie,
And now it’s all left behind.
A broken girl with a broken brain
Just trying to live her life.
She tries her best, keeps to herself,
But she’s still weighted with strife.
She shares her love and her thoughts,
But so few understand.
She’s too much, but not good enough
For any beast, woman, or man.
She can put herself in shoes
In which she will never have to walk,
And others say they do the same,
But it’s really just some talk.
She can see through others’ eyes,
But her view’s a foreign concept.
It feels like no one will ever see,
Though she really likes the prospect.
In a world with so many people,
She feels so damn alone.
In a world where she knows so much,
She feels so damn unknown.
Try as she might to always do right,
She’s constantly at fault,
For being so different and so strange.
She’s a societal assault.
How dare she live and love and die
With her heart on her sleeve?
Offending the world with what she feels,
With what she loves and grieves.
She knows no other way to be,
So she chooses to live alone.
For it’s far better for solitude
Than to be understood by no one.
A more concise and rhyming picture of my random thoughts.
Don’t splash your feelings everywhere
For others to step in,
For others to ignore,
For others to complain about.
Keep your feelings locked up,
Hidden, secret,
Because no one cares.
They only care about their world,
Their vision,
Their thoughts,
Their beliefs,
Their feelings.
To care for others is a sign of weakness.
Empathy is a flaw
In the eyes of the world.
To try to understand others and their feelings?
The world says,
“What’s the point?”

Well, I don’t know how to
Not feel deeply,
Not care about others,
Not understand others.
I don’t know how to shut my feelings in.
I wear my heart of my sleeve,
And that makes others uncomfortable.

Maybe it is just better that I stay away from others.
Alone, I cannot upset the environment.
I can just be me in comfort.
Just a free verse, thought flowing thing I wrote.
I woke up to chaos and confusion
With you trapped in a tear in my eye.
The world blew up all around me.
I couldn’t hold my head high.
With a strain in my heart and head,
I fell on a black day with grief.
It was a burden I could hold and feel.
There was no sign of relief.
The world felt, somehow, different.
It felt less, yet more sad, and cold.
It felt like a story unfinished,
Like an ending never to be told.
And as I keep on rowing,
And trudging through these tears,
So many are left behind thinking,
“What happened to those years?”
So we grieve and mourn and celebrate
A life which was cut far too short,
And we bind closer together,
Through emotions, love, and support.
But the loss is still so real,
And the grief is quite tangible,
And the mind receives new damage,
While the heart remains frangible.
This new world doesn’t feel real,
Doesn’t feel right, doesn’t feel whole
Without your presence or your song,
Without the beauty of your soul.
We’ll always have your music,
And the beauty of your voice,
But we now mourn the loss of you,
Though your life, we shall rejoice.
Wave goodbye, my disappearing one,
As I end this heartfelt reflection.
My friend for the end of the world,
Say hello to heaven.
On May 18th, 2017, the world lost a true talent and a beautiful soul...a legend by most people's standards. My grief is very real.

Rest easy, Chris Cornell.
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