Selfish til the end, I never thought I'd be like that.

I'm done tracing for others.
Try as I may, her whispers kept derailing me.

But when I listen closely,
Eavesdropping on my very own soul,
Gasping at the horrid truth,
I know now, it is not about her.
Now, with renewed purpose, yet with a shaky will.
Some things can never be reconciled.

They said, write well.

They said, write less.


I wrote, breaking as every word I poured had a piece of me.

I wrote, letting my soul enunciate every word, proofreading their symphonies.

I'm my own long road to ruin.

A few more words squeezed out for the year

Become the candle which I kneel to
Endure the flames which kiss you
Orate your tears in my arms
Wince as our wuthering tempest jolts us
Unyielding our souls shall be
Ligaments tear apart with blighted tone
Forsaking atonement for damnation

This I swear to you
Yours will be the name I cry at night


A few more tears freshly picked from the oven

Elsewhere in a surrogate legacy
I was walking down the corridors
Our effigies, dead ringers and tableau
Unruly, unnecessary, and everywhere
An afterlife I didn't want to exist in

But you told me something I can't recall Scattered like leaves in the wind
The soundtrack of nails
On a chalkboard
An onslaught of recollection

A pitch perfect rendition of my deeds
A choice between myself and you

Bitter, battered I fell
Bloodied, bruised knees clotting

Your illustration, your illusion slid to me
Your plunging neckline, of plumed faith.

Labium laboured
Labrum lolled

As you held my dying gasp
As you gazed into infinity in my eyes

You breathed the last loving words.
Hark, my king.
Kiss me, kiss me goodnight.
Surrender to me,
One more song for the end.

So, it's dark to you, huh.

Then take my hand and watch me slip under.

Let's drown everything in a shade of gray.


Whispering in monochrome, noir, dystopia, sepia.

This high wears off
Heart is wrenching free
Even though I know it's wrong

Enter temptation, sweep into my door.
Never the same, always different forms.
Dragging my frail faith into the mud.

Oh, what ever shall I do now?
Forgive me. I am weak. Always.

Mind cracks, flesh submits, eyes weep.
Either I lose myself or this sensation..

Forever.

I'll court myself once more,

Slowly, as the walls come down.

Lovingly,as if I was holding my newborn child.

Easing myself so I might hold my own joy in arms long unused.

She is my silent purpose

My unwritten desire

Until one day she realizes

I'm the little pretender

Never getting tired of her.

Identity, of what some of us lack, which some of us get swallowed up by. The feeling of your words, the nuances of your tone, the emotive language of your being. We're caught up in different covers, the beds we left unfulfilled, glasses left half-empty with patchwork flesh bound with less-than reliable memories. Fog clouds our vision in the mirror, bodies that feel foreign, as if the skin's innards are someone, or something else's.

I'll draw the curtains as many times as I need to.

Your ghost is still here.
But while I'm still here,

I'll walk off into the dark side of the moon.

To reconcile with myself,
What I lost when you swept the floor with your ashes.

Burn, burn like the rage of a dying flame.


Scream, scream with the cry of a bushfire.


Flicker, flicker away as the wind puts you out for one last inevitable time.


The bridges are now torched.


There is no you, there is only me.

Onenitis struck me like the lightning bolt that blew up in my face, like thunder that followed.

You should know, by now.

Underneath the skin, well.
We were all made for some people.

And some of us, for only one in the end.

So tell me.

If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again,
And arriving at the same result.


What about doing the same thing over and over again, and finally arriving at a different result?

grinning
smacks lips


Why, I'll tell you.

It's genius.

Fleeting, dragging me along like
Undertow, no one else knows, yet
Clearly, it's just wishful thinking.
Kings would be thankful for clarity.

I'll kiss the winter flowers.

To write your name in frozen hours.

Long winter in hearts into brittle flowers.


Our eyes are blind, but we can still see, can't we?

Scrawl traces of your existence
Etch runes of power
Nibble the possessions meant to fade
Dig into flesh willing to bleed

Hear, the tales of eons past
Explain your purpose of existence
Lovingly caress as you are whittled away
Plead for more, til you lose where you end

And you begin.

Clean up after yourself,
Your mess invites more that are akin.

Why did I ever bother?

Your patterns break out once again

Nothing you have ever let go

Came back to you


Like the oceans you crossed

But yet the only ocean that you never seem to swim in

Time, time itself.

Don't your own primal instincts tell you to give up the ghost?

Faith is not enough when the heart sings of lovelier times.
The heart must bask in the spray of the shore
To come back, dripping of taste and understanding
Faith would be enough
If faith could be wielded like the sword
Or cradled like a child
But faith must be supplemented by action, by deed.
I have faith in you.

The best thing you can do today is tell someone you love them.

We're stuck with words in our throats, never admitting how we feel.


Let it go before it's too late.

My flesh is crawling
Coated with the sensations
That were left from yesterday

My heart is cracking
Bound together by hope
That I chose to hold close/dear

My soul is fading
Touched by the end of all things
Where even death may die.

I am the slow crawl between madness and insanity.

I'm the soft tune that whistled past your ear, too soft to recall, yet sharp enough to catch your attention.


I am regret.

Well.

Almost a year anyway.

I'm not quite sure if my mental strength is eclipsed by the sheer exhaustion just merely existing and trudging day by day.

I'm tired of these circles.

I step out of one to get swallowed by a bigger one each time.

Here I find myself retreating physically into smaller and smaller spaces, my mind growing too big for its own good.

How does it feel to have patterns traced on your flesh, never realising that the more you push

The more you slip

You spin around in patterns in a frozen monument to your failures

These numbers and figures didn't speak as loud as my heart.

Everyone's at my back, pushing me forward.

It's true what I heard then.

I can't be left alone.

This will happen again and again.

The flesh remembered the skin being tugged away

The mind remembered disarray

The soul going back to a long winter


Pull me back to land.

Wicked
  Vile
   Temptress

Only she was never at fault.


*you were

Perhaps at the end of my ink, the end of graphite.

This is the way I bleed best, into paper.

The one who observes, the one who rules.

The one who dominates, the one who conquers.

The one who pushes forward, the one who never lost.

The one who lingered, the one who planned.

The one who led revolutions, the one who extinguished strife.

The one who paused, the one who waited for his time.


And he lived.
Oh, above all he lived.

Shuffling all the cards I've played back into my deck,
Closing up all the stitches I've got over it all.

Kicking down the throttle of this machine once more,
It roars to fire and smoke, bringing my focus stage right.

I'm searing into the sunset without you.

His obsession with the pursuit of her

Enough to give one


Pause.


He had built concrete, rods made of rust,
A tower,


So he might be able to peer over the walls she had built.


kissed his scars opened new wounds


A maddening pursuit, he was told.
It couldn't be that the door was closed before it ever was opened.

Could it be?

you think too much.

And as the tides rolled in

Sun peering at us at she woke

The dark lights falling away

I peered over my shoulder


To your alabaster image.

It's six a.m and I find myself thinking,
What would I ever do without you now?

The bones ache without your breath billowing down spine.

The heart cracks, heartbreak reaching out for the last bibliographies you recited.

I'll sleep with the lights on tonight.

I dare not face the gloom without you.

Hit me up for another shot, and another.

You're the pusher on this *****.

And you control me.

My fingers curl around your face.


I'm afraid this would've been all a waking dream.

take me with you

whisper gently

as I lay still

burning up & away

as the pills consume warmth

and your cold arms, outstretched

hold me again.

the sensations of formerly heralded emotions

begin as pins and ******

ode to them as tears appear on skin taut as paper

undertow of familiar ashes beneath papyrus heart, rosetta mind

though that fragile bough breaks, hurtling us to our end.

And then she asked,

Since when did you become such a liar?


I threw my head back, sighing in relief.


Ever since I knew what I had in my hands.


Your heart.

Let us be whoever we want to be.

If only to extend this wick which we keep burning through.

I have long lost where you end
I have given up on my beginning

These red strings became rope, digging into our being.
Bound as one, to the Hereafter.

From cosmic dust,
To cosmic ash.

I will see you, again.

Sweet flowers grace my nose,

Only to be met with disdain.

I still prefer the little harlot's.

We'll be alright alone.

Everything burns in the end.

Lit sparks

Carried the flame to burn alone

On the wings of a butterfly,

May we find who we are, truly.

Even when we have no face.

I who have become the last thing I wanted to be.

What use is it if a man gains the whole world but loses his soul?

Here's to us, you and I.

My downward spiral with your black hole sun.

*I'll trail my fingers down your skin so you can grasp my lips in yours. Excoquere et ego vobis, mi amor.

I'm listening to the silent groves your favourite song made.

I'm packing up the baggage I carried around for years.

Soon I'll come around, waking from the dreamer's vigil.

Staring at portraits in my wallet, feeling myself falter.


Just for a moment, to let myself feel your voices once more.

Giving in to vices, one more time to feel vulnerable,

I'll keep marching on, because the difference this time?


I'll swear I'll never be there.

Give up on her because you know friends aren't meant to fall for each other.

Leave her alone because you know that she can do so much more better.

Sever the emotion at the root so you can feel better about yourself.

**** the love you feel.

I've been depreciating myself, as time went on
Faster & faster with the dexterity of a rogue
Ever so slightly like the courtesans of old

Til the day I find myself, and love myself for what I am.

Sometimes always monsters.

As cold fire wrapped around sight / (the blood to my veins)

Purpose-emblazoned beauty cascaded / (beauties that will never be yours)

Dropping the hatchets armed to teeth/ (his walls came down for lack of restraint)

Looks that swept base instincts


I understand now

if love was meant to stay

love wouldn't end up



this cold.

A scent wafted through the air, her sunlight into your monsoon.
Your eyes closed, to take her in before she even came through the door.
Even breaths, soft chuckling curled around your ears.
Losing yourself in her presence, tracing your runes down her face.
How long have you waited for this moment?
You keep replaying that scene, with the sun behind her back in a ring of fire.
This is the fabled lover's cascade, isn't it?

Kiss her. Kiss her until the creases and folds of her mouth fall into yours, your secret symphony together.

Run your fingers down her head, furrowing into hair, down her neck along her spine, and kiss her even deeper than before.

Hold her face, gently, as if a mere tug would dispel this sacred moment between you both. Delve deeper into her lips, form things unspoken.

Surrender to the chill down your spine.
That's the Sadness leaving your body.
Don't think. Just feel. Become one, until you cannot tell where you end and she begins.

Kiss her. Kiss her again, to breathe her in, her alpha and your omega.

The sun might rise over you.

The days may grow longer and more pleasurable with you.


The night might belong to me.

The nights, cocoon us in our endeavors.


Time keeps ticking by.


Your smile canonised my feelings.


Clueless as we were, we couldn't get enough of that feeling.

He wandered into her store,

Saunters past while being aloof,

She notices him, unsure but curious,

She fixated on him, as the music grew louder between them.

C'est la vie.

The beauty about loss

You crave for sepia

Obsession, terrible by itself.
What would make you think I would want any of this?

Just recall, I've never liked your shticks.
Recall, who I came to you as.


One thing still bothers me.
One thing still annoys me.

If feeling this way is good,
Like how you said.



Why do I feel so miserable?