Our footsteps,
Not similar,
Yet familiar.
X meets Y in this rendition of love.

Relive.
Relief.

Two words that couldn't be farther apart.


Why does it sound so close, yet too far?

Relive : a small chime slowly drawing you in, to dream of a dream that was never a dream. A drowsy half state of a dead mind, and the best of your heart's desire.

Relief : the guitar strings thudding loudly as the drumming in your breast tolls a bell, that never ends til destinations been reached. The mind singing choirs of devastation averted, and the heart returning back to a slow rhythm.

Feel your/my/our exposed nerves.
Comprehension breaks down as submission draws nearer.

Within the Grey, I saw the Light.
Within the Black, I shook with fright.
Within the White, I stepped into blight.

One day I'll find new skin to begin with,
One day I'll find new eyes to yearn with.

I just have to keep working at my heart.

You go on, and you realise one thing about yourself.


The pattern repeated itself, you just delayed the inevitable.

But now the pattern has settled on a design you didn't even know existed.


And you're better off for it, and heart at peace.

Your mind, at rest.

Your soul, satisfied.

assurance in love is key to skinship
but skinship alone is never enough
for the hole left behind
is always
has always
taken more than what reprieve
it brings.

It was not courage I found, dwelling up inside.

I roared at empty spaces til I bled out.


Neither was it hope, clinging unto shreds.


I tore apart, tattered ataraxia.

I found the elusive line between cacophony & symphony.

Here I lie,


In peace.

"As I live and breathe!"
How goes your latest despair?
Does it say "silent volume"?*
"Or perhaps, a new addiction for every end of day?"

Never looking through glass panels again,
To see how have things changed.

There's no need for the flames to dance across the darkness, no more.
It's seductive, I know.

It's tempting, I.. know?
There's always a need to look back, to learn.
Tell tale signs of intrusion, prevent your mind from being unchained.
Now, prepare for the ambush.
Feed the paranoia.
Fear the abandonment.

All the love and all the pain
Fleeting and permanent.

Etched in our skulls like the pumping of blood
Circling and twisting like no end for the morrow.

As the load on my shoulders begins to ebb, my spirit feels lighter than it has been in years.

Give into love, he calls.
Go back to the basics.

Slowly this disfigured heart of mine unravels itself, shedding tears I never knew I had.

Like it had been ran over by too many emotions.

A snide remark here, an abusive yell there.

I give in and tell myself it's alright.

A dream lost, firespark lost.

I celebrate my life.

And I move on.

The persistence of loss insinuates that we once had something, only to lose it.


My blood rushed throughout my body, as I felt countless lips pass mine.

My blood rushed throughout my body, as I recalled endless hurt trickling down my eyes.


The persistence of loss states we were once more, then we understood that we lost things we never knew we had.

Our soft pleading drowns out even the shrillest of screams.


So why does loss play on our tongues,

More than ever, moving on?

My own words

Clawed fiery tantrums

Across my contents of the breast


Her very presence

Kissed icy trails

Deep into tissue


She was the very essence of void

Drying up all my fiery wounds

Desiccating me into dust.

Like a ******'s mess of a mind in a rut to get his fix, I ran from distraction to distraction.
The original sin of knowledge, and innocence lost.
They cascaded like raindrops on my face, and became **** on my windshield.
Slowly, becoming perhaps more bitter and jaded, a basic ***** to life and her schadenfreude.
A single desecration of desexualized thought, and that was it.
I wanted more.

I'm forever missing you.
I'm always chasing ghosts, even if I put them to sleep.
The thoughts hovering like hummingbirds.. for once the sun belonged to us.
Our nuclear sun.
The ray of light that once belonged to me. And me alone.


I miss you.
I'm forever nuclear whenever I think of you, for your voice echoing in my skull is the only thing I hear these days.

Your bitter synopsis
A raging storm but quite pointless bluster
Slamming against an echo chamber
Like the empty vessel you are


My practiced charade
Masks and more masks
Hidden away my visage
For my eyes would betray my thoughts


Her eternal solitude
Penance she pays
For the sins never wrought
In permanent slumber.


His silent auction
He doesn't believe in words anymore
Actions drag him closer to the edge
Making a choice he'll never regret


Their solemn vigil
Below neon lights
With smiles long practiced
And temples beyond restoring

Our voices harmonic
As we breathe
With that feeling
Fire scorching nerves
Drowning in sensation
Grounded in the moment
Lost in the space between us.

A different motif
Belying the similar nuances
Catheterization with anguished looks

Delving searching for reprieve
Eversong and evertone
Finding the beat that doesn't exist

Going, going gone
Help me understand what you left me
Internally bleeding your words kept me

Just what did you mean
Kind of you to keep yourself chained up
Lose or win we'll pass out

Maybe you'll break out
No more chrysalis
Omnidirectional truth

Please rise up with the other foot
Quietly without nailing it too
Rest later, figure what and who you are

So again like the year ago
Time has been kind to you
Unclear your intent was

Vouching for perhaps a perfect moment
Waiting for the definition of insanity
Xanthic your bones become

You are so much more than this.
Zymotic you cannot continue to be.

I still recall the tears that opened after the years fell from your face.

I ask none, but to be strong.

I am and will be walking after you.

Closer and closer I inch, til I one day will be beside you again.

What started off with me, will end with us.

You're my light.

The dark will swallow me, with only your light to dispel it.

From a lord of the moor, to the King In Black.

From a lady in red, to the Red Queen.

Our language, the only one we need.
Our cascade, remorse, repense.
Our beginning, restart, end.

Back to the shadows on my moor.
The Grey Lord into ash..
And the King In Black with a crownless throne.

Look at me, look upon my city and tremble.
We lie asleep, waiting for when the time s ripe,
In shackle's rust, in ragged breaths.

Fear the night's chilling embrace.

We're all a beautiful mess,

A canvas with a thousand painters,

Using pallid palettes for a stroke of brilliance,

And leaving the same way we all entered.

Gather the rest of your bones that charred when the end came.

Grab the last pieces that used to make you, you.


Soon, from the ashes that fall.


You'll become one again.

It's a funny metallic feeling,

A ****** taste in my mouth,

A slight despair filled with minor joy.



You're me.

And I'm you.

Without you there is no me.

Dying for you, dying for me.

Perhaps saying it makes it right,

Perhaps saying it makes it true.


Reach out to me in your sleep.

Walk alongside me in my waking hours.


Shadow my every step,

Follow each motion through.


Marry the left with right,

Kiss the top of each other's forehead.


The king in black meets a foe he has been fighting for far too long.


The seer in white comes out to hold the king's hands with the words he has been waiting for a lifetime to hear again.


"I forgive you."

I've got a bone to pick with ya.

Yeah, you heard me right.

Your prenuptial presence ebbs away my will far quicker,

Than any toxin or evil might.


You feel so right, when the peace enroaches my soul.

Auld lang syne, my dear treasure in the rough.

My darling sapphire, the maiden of roses.

Til kingdom cometh.

The loudest of the bunch
With sleeves wrapped down

With multiple layers on
Twinkle in his eye


The meekest of the few
With shoulders hunched and huddled

With nary a word to describe her
Too much of a wallflower


By chance, or by fate.
Just the two of them,

Bound by a moment in time forever.

The boy with his scars,
And the girl with her demons.

While I eventually await the end - all siren call

Of the heat death of our universe

Killing time with the minutiae of hourglasses

Enroaching sub-zero temperatures ensure I will never achieve that closure.

I'm all out of words for now

Running on empty

Lavishing attention

Quiet night

The concept of home shattered

Peace is a word I repeat to myself

I'm all out of feeling for now

Stopped to breathe in

Hiding away

Screaming midday

My last bastion gone

Love is a word I repeat to myself

To obtain semantic satiation

I'm back

Not as me

But as The Beast.

And if finding
That I moved

from wanting you
Needing you

To not desiring

Any of this



I deserve to be forgotten.

Maybe, just maybe.
  In another life, another time.

We could come together,
  And embrace each other, innocent.

they only call you
when their want
exceeds their solitude

Beauty** :
A lapse in judgement brought to life.

(Some actors in the story bear resemblance to what we imagined lost)


Lust  :

A soft growl into a low roar.

(Come here often?)



Rage  :

The cacophonous tears of grief turned into fuel for fire.


(You cannot possibly understand the hate I have.)


Joy  :

Their faces turned up just as quickly as their skin prickled, and their eyes shone with primal brilliance.


(Smile.)



Bitterness  :


The hard, long gulp going down your throat as you feel yourself slowly choking.


(Her uncertainty led to such)



Acceptance   :


A man who thought he had everything under control, and realising he doesn't.

(Nothing ever, stays the same.)

Sadness  :


A mourning dove.


(Looking at you through the glass)



Grief  :


Head down, arms raised towards the sky.



(But all I want is you.)


Her  :


The intensity of fire, with none of its ire.
The promise of earth, without diminish.
The mutability of water, yet soothing.
The vastness of air, and space for us.
Our basic space.

There's no small amount of desperation seeping out of the cracks.


The sickness within suppressed by sheer effort of will.


The left scars ache with the fires that locked away language of the body.


The right thing perhaps to do is leave.


But I don't want to break from your side,

And the ground screams goodbye.

Sullen eyes sink


Heart beats neatly like it was told to


Forged of dirges


Shaped of dirks


Owned by a ****


Static silences all the mouth elated attempts to break out of


Like the ****


A private one


Sullen and silly


With no where to go.

Old feelings bubble to the surface,
Finding my tongue tied and heart slightly scarred from all you've done.
Oh, she who once I called sister.
Bound by ties stronger than blood,
And spirits lighter than wine.
How I've missed you.
Cause you, you just know.
You just do.

And I've watched things on this screen, appear and disappear faster than we both would know.
And her hand, so soft in my cracked palms and ashen lips.
Feel the dark rhythms explode in your breast.

I took myself where I didn't wanna go.
I dragged myself down, I used myself up.
Perhaps you left because of that.
You were being replaced, perhaps that was the fear.

But these blood and tears, erased like the gut-wrenching confessions and years of pain.
Crawl back for more, back for more.
I crawled to shore, not knowing it was running out, the continent shrinking to an isle.

We'll lose the ones we love,
Lose the ones we most adore,
Yet we go on, we go on.

Blood and tears, through sweet release we share in death.

Everything seems so worthwhile.
For a moment.
For a moment.

What is it that I'm waiting for?
Waiting for words I barely know.
Life kicks me in the teeth, but I still crawl through these torrential blood and tears.

And years crawl on, and the death I hold is now complete.

It is a burial at sea.
A Viking pyre.
... And the silent dissonance of perfect insanity.

And this is where I start bleeding into you.

This is where I start bleeding into you.


You're a canvas I long to be filling it in for.


This is where I start bleeding into you.

Let endless neon wash over pale powdered skin

Gyrating all over the hips go

Synchronized beating of the incessant drumming

It's her scent I know

Along with countless swaying bodies.

One day we'll find significance/We'll scour the Earth for meaning


I know it so because I've been here/The aching bones scream for rest



We just have to believe/Fire everywhere and none of it passion



Bid our time/The same old **** the same old lies the same everyday



Love conquers all/Bleeding time, wasting away in meaningless motions



The tides push & pull ever closer/Imperfect harmonies


Life, a pendulum.\Life, a dowsing.\Life, cosmic horror.\Life, a spark.



The cacophony upon several melodies shattering coherence, bleeding.


Bleeding, kicking, screaming, the feminine bloodsport, the masculine lullaby.

Thus loneliness encumbers my shoulders and heart again.
It feels like a singular kiss, amongst a hail storm of hellstricken bullets.
Snowflakes in a garden of rust.
An amoeba separated from its kin, unable to split.
21 decided to be divided to 4.
Perhaps my worth as a wordsmith wasn't as great as I thought.
Thus the feeling draws on itself, in a constant art and motion, an Ouroboros Serpent.
Like how I used to stammer and stutter badly as a child, ironing myself out but falling and scraping yet never bruising my eagerness.
Nostalgia and adventure are just means for one to hide in security.
Perhaps one day, one day I'll fall in love again.
Baggy pants, oversized shirts and a lioness, wispy and delicate. But alight with fire, with life all the same.
And the rain fell on me, eliciting no tears, but ripped my pores apart, and whiffs of an old perfume, of ghosts. Playing to the tune of yesterday, I swept across with her. And I let her go, as the dust settled on my tongue and ash filled it, and was gone.
The lady who ran this place, bowed and closed the mausoleum, and I asked, "How much for your services?" And then she said, "You couldn't afford it."
I walked away into a wasteland blooming again. There's no sweet taste of victory here.
Only death's touch remains, all-cleansing and all-equalising.
I pick her up, and she said, "What took you so long?"
I sigh.
"It's nothing."

They all feel the same.


The soft, thin lips

The thick, creamy feel.


The hunger doesn't arise.

I look upon these manacles which I could so easily slip from

These bars that hold me prisoner

So welcome

I'm beginning to forget

In the end, the road to my own hell was paved repeatedly with the best of intentions : and the lack of understanding not everything is a nail to my hammer.*

Bittersweet chocolate runs down the cheek, sweet caramelized sugar around the lip.
A wonderful realisation : not everything was meant to fall into place ; not everything could go my way.


Half-boiled eggs with light soya sauce, dribbling down the spoon, crunching toast with soothing jam.
She was the flame and everyone was a moth, I recognised it for what it was, still conflagrated.

Hold on tight, to my breakbeat heartbeat.
It's the final chapter for this book.
The book between us.


Bend in the breeze, to the wind of change.
Let the fingers trace runes once again.
Ignite the same feelings, gone but not forgotten.


These feelings, sieved and strung out.
Like an irregular heartbeat.
Barely hanging in there, with chaos ruling it.
Time for change.

You are but the soft growl of a domestic pet.


All bark, and no substance.


Please, I know what I am.


You don't know what you are, don't you?


What a poor unfortunate soul.

(Let's go)
Up and down the boulevard of broken dreams

(Shy glance)
Across the boulevard of broken dreams

Saw her again
Shy, like my Dana
Sultry lips
With a scent of distinctness
Infatuated with the thighs, tempting
Inviting, so much like an oasis
In the middle of sandy dunes, twin suns

Two steps from hell
Disturbed
Five fingers I raise
Four I keep, one thumb I raise
Dana walks over to me and smiles.

We're ghosts
In the candlelight

We're guests
Of the starless night


Who would have guessed
We'll haunt these homes forever?

Body marked by scars
Heart full of holes
Mind filled with cracks
Soul smeared with taint

But you were the best I ever had.

I don't need a Khadijah.

Neither do I want an Delilah.

A little bit of what Freud said,

And unhealthy doses of Darwinism.

I'm stuck in a perpetual state of being,

I'm stuck in a constant cycle of repetition.


You can't have your cake and eat it.

But for now, the tunes will simmer, strain and boil my feelings.


With the curling of fingers down your face.

There's a certain youth that he missed the first time around.

A spring in step, a key gear unwound.


(The writer's eye is unbiased.

He clearly saw something that took a while to cultivate.)

In the same time-space that it took for her, something magical happened.

Colours exploded on the dance floor, unspoken desires (perhaps a few wet *******) sweat and passion all in simultaneous eruption.

Perhaps he'll give this a spin.
Dropping and closing his eyes, blissfully unaware whether there is trust or not.

The bones ache, down to the marrow.

Creaking and sighing til you come back.

It's gonna take a while to get the skin used to your absence.

It's gonna be a while before the poison wears off.

Yours is the language of the body which I have to stop speaking.

Your manner of speech is black,
And your gaze is grey.

One thing's for sure, everything is exactly the same, the way it started, as well as the way it ended.

Amidst the temperature dropping

The words and actions blended together

Then symphonies became orchestral

And I knew then, they were instrumental

Caressing my soulless vacant husk

Kneading feelings back into me.

I do not follow by example.
I make my own path.
With bloodied palms and weeping tears.

With dreams buried and feelings hidden.
I am your blade.


And the clock chimes, turns, burns our time away.
Needing satisfaction, doing all you can to breathe her in.


Three times the tears blare with siren calls for home
You should have seen this, you should have held me tighter.


Onomatopoeia, hear my name and tremble.
Unfavorable, unfortunate, and unfair this is.

Tell me again how your lips passed down holy writs into my spine.

i dare you to

Instruct me on how I'm supposed to dress, looking into the mirror cracked up like an old tired clown.

feed me spoil me

Undo the ropes that fester into my skin, tell me about the colours that emerge.

that same old fragrant mouth

Make me a cure for wellness, tell me how I'm wrong again, how the words don't rhyme anymore with your chains tearing into my flesh again

the same stench of rotting meat

Full of crystals from the salt of sweat


Subsumed in pain
I leave these words to you
Never will I go back again.

Let me be selfish.

I will not allow the mistakes of old to make rumination into devastation.


Let me break my own soul, my own heart.

Allow me to tear myself apart so that I can never make this mistake.

Let me be poetic this once.

Before prose breaks down and I find myself with nowhere to hide.


Let me go.