We're decaying, defeated by promises and kisses long gone.

I don't need a Khadijah.

Neither do I want an Delilah.

A little bit of what Freud said,

And unhealthy doses of Darwinism.

I'm stuck in a perpetual state of being,

I'm stuck in a constant cycle of repetition.


You can't have your cake and eat it.

But for now, the tunes will simmer, strain and boil my feelings.


With the curling of fingers down your face.

Finding the words to say,
Instead resorting to babbling semantics.
Victory so close at hand
Easing all sense of doubt (and courage)

Yesterday even though was rosy
Eased all doubts,
And united us, once and for all.
Restoration of hope, ending heartache.
So, we do the dance again and again.

Love, here's to you.
Oh my goodness.
Love, here's to us.

"So I uh, well. Heh."


"أنا  بحبِك"

Come into my arms

Against my chest, wrapped in my embrace

Nothing seems to matter now.

Through repeated patterns, a sense of familiarity

Rummage we did, through our own senses and emotions

Inside yesterday, we found today.

Perhaps, even today will be worth it for tomorrow.

Replace your breath with mine.

It's the last thing I want on my lips.

Rise, ghosts of yesterday.

Show me the way so I might conquer tomorrow.

Whisper, dark forests of today.

Tell me the way through the fog so I might pass through unscathed.

Return, legions of tomorrow.

Stand by my side so I might seize the day yet.

Now repeat after me.

This is not the end of me, this is the beginning.

It's getting a little crowded in here, don't you think?


I can only have so many colours and voices in my head telling me what to do.


Ego, id, superego.

Eis.


Her body reminds you of a far off distant memory that screams of lessons


Of the separation when the day you discovered lust


Of the discord that kissed you when you were left with no one


It's impossible not to feel anything

So let the waters carry you off.

Let her presence not be an eldritch one, but a welcome one.

Body marked by scars
Heart full of holes
Mind filled with cracks
Soul smeared with taint

But you were the best I ever had.

a drive to find peace
a need to be whole

the heart understanding a feeling
the mind fumbling for meaning

this is vicious
what was private emotion
is now exposed

Indeed, there is no question
Whether their tunes start again.
This time, they all halt.

The grim look he gave me was more than enough,

The time ticking down never felt right.

Dawn came, only that it wasn't soon enough.


His soft purring would never be heard again.

What you told me, rang true.
Did I want to use the power of the hammer to shatter glass?

Or to forge myself anew, like steel?
The fact I kept talking about how things were, showed I cared still.

Now, scream at the hole we left each other.

I have been sleepless, admittedly.

The crawling chaos of unrest, unrestrained.

The mind, slithering out of view.

The heart, brittle and whole.

The bodies, sleeping in the loch.

Her body writhing to the rhythm of unconstrained lust

Imbibed of her soft growls and ragged moans

My own mind travelled : Their bodies/ Shuddered in his embrace
Enraptured by bliss
Lapping up his bounty

Fire, fire everywhere again.

It all burns away in his mind.

distancing oneself from the tell-tale signs

of morbid fascination with you

like thy myth

the rousing rumour you sell

hapless I am

entwined, I'm still.

Tonight his senses are dulled,
Perhaps from the morning rain to afternoon dew.

The hat he wears, to further cancel out the tunes he feels bleeding into his psyche.

A flower blooming on the battlefield of love, of dance.

He numbs himself further.

Only now is he whole. Complete.

Music and video flash past his eyes and ears, enveloping within the eye of the seer.

The poet lays his writ to rest.


It is going to be a month of perdition, after all.

**** this*

For the next chump, the next line of idiots after me.

I hope you don't tear your hair out with her.
I hope you don't mind the mess she makes when you think everything is tidy.
I know you will, definitely attempt to change things around for her.
I know you will, definitely sigh in frustration as your efforts all go to waste.
I hope time will be kind to your psyche.
I hope time will be lenient with you.

I daresay this will be your greatest challenge, perhaps conquest or muse yet.
I daresay it's like a hotline you want to make several calls to.
Take it from me. The previous guy.

Extinguish the me

To find the you

Cremate the when

To nourish the now

Cherish the moments

Embrace the life you have.

The gnawing hunger. I understand it now.

I was stagnant, living with you.
Waiting for you to fill a void, imagined you would fill it.


Why was I addicted to it in the first place?

I need a cure for wellness.
A cure for the human condition.


We all desire something, someone we can never have.


**** fragmentation, **** frolicking in joy.
I'm better off this way.
Palinode. Tear. Shatter. Destroy.



You can stay in the light.
I'll stay away from you.
You can find someone better.
I'll go away for good.
Lest you put out my fires again.


I rip out the tubes that kept me with you.
This dead heart should have never beat for you.

So, it's dark to you, huh.

Then take my hand and watch me slip under.

Let's drown everything in a shade of gray.


Whispering in monochrome, noir, dystopia, sepia.

I'll kiss the winter flowers.

To write your name in frozen hours.

Long winter in hearts into brittle flowers.


Our eyes are blind, but we can still see, can't we?

How much farther down the rabbit hole?

How far before the taste becomes bland?

How much more of myself do I have to give?

This is a prompt of peace.

This is a concession of cliches.

I have hungered beyond my ken.



I am killing every piece of me that's ever lived, so I might remain humble.

But this hunger will never be sated.

Because it hurts,
Because you can't anymore.

You're done with tears.
I'll have yours instead.


For I can't shed any.

Her spindly fingers bothered me.

There I was, glaring from across the tables, teeth chittering with naked desire.


Her smile, coated with red, as the red line opened, closed with pearly white.


Picking them up like a graceful crane, and consigning them to a shadow realm I hungered abashedly for, from a corner.

Piping hot, the meat slid across her lips, proposing a grimace of both pleasure and annoyance.

Little by little, the whittled crisps went down too, with the yellow of the sun.


I really need some ******* chips now.

The feelings.. best not show them.
I gotta find my fix.
There I go, total blind march of the pigs.
Hey, I got another ******* high score.
I'm the best aren't I?
That feels good.
I saw her again.
**** **** **** better find my fix WHERE THE **** ARE MY EARPIECES
Oh God that feels so much better.
Mmmmghh. Feels like ***.
Haha, what a funny video!
****, is it about *****?
****** ****, wanna get ****** up?
I'm home, again.
Where is my fix?!
My phone's got to charge?! Useless *******!
*******! Pick up! OH YOU DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH ME ANYMORE?! *******! *******!
I DIDN'T MEAN TO GET SO ******* ANGRY
****
GOD I'M SORRY
DON'T ******* WALK OUT ON ME
DON'T LEAVE ME!

Can you blame me if I need your fingers tracing down my spine again?

I've gone too long, fallen too hard to make sense where I end and you begin.

I pay more attention nowadays to the air escaping my teeth between each word I speak,


To the soft crackling, in the dark.

The shears I borrowed from you were rusty, I told you about them before.

The sheer dumbfounded look on my face when you told me I could keep it,
rust and all.

Only Schweer's sorrow was left, when Schwerte's last few denizens came to bid their farewells to you, the spinster with her shears.

That old familiar feeling.
Flooding back, in tunes you never knew could exist in the space it took for a breath to begin and a sigh to end.

Lightning arcs across your brain, the scars lighting up, rearranging themselves in ****** gold runes.

It's a happy noise.
It's a good noise.

The background rises and falls, in perfect harmonic distortion.

Sun blazes down on the back of morons

Wind tears posture off their feet

Fighting for a foothold on what will never be, will never appear.

We feel so bad. We're feeling so terribly out of    place

So we
          sink

               Deeper
                 Harder


There is a macabre beauty in not knowing :
Becoming apprehension machines.

When she told me, that I was more than this.
I fell again, and again.
I felt like I existed again.
A year shed off the veil, a dear shied off the vial.
And I heard the fire spring loose from within, a subtle grinding of gears I stopped, for fear of straying. For fear, of the pangs coming back.
I've never been kissed in that way.
The split second I felt the world sway, I just had to get more of it.
But it wasn't a real kiss.
Not one I'd dare to take anyway.
It was like Morton's Fork.
I still know, even if I run from this, one day it'll be found out anyway.
A hunger pang for the prong she bought into my life.

the hunger we all know, the hunger we supress without much success.

the moment I knew I had to stay away.
But I couldn't.

Love after all
Is the spark that falls
And ignites
Ashes long dead

And if takes a lifetime to hold peace,

And if you teach me what it feels like to be home once more,


I'm happy with what we have.

Faith is not enough when the heart sings of lovelier times.
The heart must bask in the spray of the shore
To come back, dripping of taste and understanding
Faith would be enough
If faith could be wielded like the sword
Or cradled like a child
But faith must be supplemented by action, by deed.
I have faith in you.

Give up on her because you know friends aren't meant to fall for each other.

Leave her alone because you know that she can do so much more better.

Sever the emotion at the root so you can feel better about yourself.

**** the love you feel.

Clean up after yourself,
Your mess invites more that are akin.

Why did I ever bother?

Your patterns break out once again

Nothing you have ever let go

Came back to you


Like the oceans you crossed

But yet the only ocean that you never seem to swim in

Time, time itself.

Don't your own primal instincts tell you to give up the ghost?

Here's to mourning the things we never lost
Here's to dying over a cause you don't believe in


Here's to beating yourself up for things that were already preordained


Here's to sorrow.


It's the unique taste on your tongue and mind,
It's the feeling you never had,
It's the tune you never heard.

For it doesn't exist.

Scent of weak oranges flows through the air

Coupled with bitter lavender

Out of use sour ashtongue as it tumbles


Orange flows through the glass


Posted with the lack of words


*hey, i miss you

I am of little faith.
You have taxed yourself, time & aggression wearing your soul down.
We have still a long way to go, my darling.

Have faith in me.

Thrilling at the thought of leaving you again,
Not realising it was really me who I was going to leave.


dead state


Mistaking your smiles for more than what it really is worth,
After learning so much yet still failing the tests anyway,
Setting this bridge on fire when you're still on it.

best conditions

Prose breaks down as stanza hears your screams, freeform falling into the dark backward and abysm of time,
the hot asphyxiation leading to death throes and need for release.



im sorry


I'm leaving.
Three steps.

misdirection
erasing my existence
departure

Now all the songs speak of your scratched out mosaic.

The crawling of memories bleeding out into the next pool of tears I create.


It feels like dying, just a hundred times more worse.


I have issues.

You issued my execution warrant by the end of our red strings.

Funny. I don't remember trafficking any drugs.

Unless the drug was the feeling of emasculation, disorientation, disrespect, sordid throwing of caution to the wind.

Then yes.

It's a marsh of filth you made me crawl in.

And you know I would do it all again in a heartbeat.


You're pointless.

You think you know pain?

You think you know  Hell?

Take a good look around you.

You're just a tourist here, don't you forget that.

  - No Place Like Hell(ome) : НебоScrub

Shrugging off the dust,

Cracking open old scars to see the new skin grafts on the heart.

I was the one who took it all in stride, letting it all unfold.

I will never let anything go untold,
Cause the feelings go on and on.

But I have a choice, this time.

I swear I'll never be there, I refuse.

There's a hole in my heart where you left, walked out on me with the best thing that's ever happened to me.

Will I bite the hand that feeds?

Not quite, I believe.

The grief follows rage, like remora with the sharks swimming along.


Swallow the pride and continue fighting.

Well.

Almost a year anyway.

I'm not quite sure if my mental strength is eclipsed by the sheer exhaustion just merely existing and trudging day by day.

I'm tired of these circles.

I step out of one to get swallowed by a bigger one each time.

Here I find myself retreating physically into smaller and smaller spaces, my mind growing too big for its own good.

How does it feel to have patterns traced on your flesh, never realising that the more you push

The more you slip

You spin around in patterns in a frozen monument to your failures

These numbers and figures didn't speak as loud as my heart.

Everyone's at my back, pushing me forward.

It's true what I heard then.

I can't be left alone.

This will happen again and again.

The flesh remembered the skin being tugged away

The mind remembered disarray

The soul going back to a long winter


Pull me back to land.

the wine spills
soft whines to no avail
fake rhinestones scatter into debris
love, wry and wrought,
wracked with distraught.

It's a sad realisation,

You've pruned your own branches so that you wouldn't choke and die from stretching too far.

You're becoming ash,

You're becoming an effigy.

To your own cycle that you stepped out from.

Dance. Or rather the lack of it.

Do it, because you want to, because you need to.

And all the sounds you were looking for,
And all the taste your tongue lost.

Surrender power to desire.
Translate desire into longing.

Crank it up, swallow her voice, digest it and nurture it.

You know what you want.
You know what you are.


We are one.

Uncertainties cloud judgment
Eccentricities pierce better reasoning
By the time the colours fall

You will know why the thin line holds us so.

Both liberating and excruciating. The candle wick burns down til it's nothing ; it proceeds to extinguish itself.

Such is the natural order of things : the only constant is time.

what we feel for the time passed
how we think for the lives past
we loved. and that's all we can do.


This fresh coat of paint is cracking up faster than how I thought it would be.

At first you saw it was nothing.
And then you had to believe it was something.
And at long last, it became every little thing you didn't see coming.

"You just wanted to hear me scream, didn't you?"

chuckle
Darling, it's been so long since I heard you moan.

I'll just settle for your screams.

I who have become the last thing I wanted to be.

What use is it if a man gains the whole world but loses his soul?

Here's to us, you and I.

My downward spiral with your black hole sun.

*I'll trail my fingers down your skin so you can grasp my lips in yours. Excoquere et ego vobis, mi amor.

A continuous wave of motion into the gloominess of tomorrow.

The layers stripped away, nostalgia be ******.

When we reach the end of this road, in the knowledge we've done all we could.

And I'll know the love unspoken, the fair queen unabashed, naked truth spilling out.


Hoist my shield up high, as I soar to your side once more.

The hunger grows.

Patience stretches off into the horizon.

A king can rule alone, if needed.

He'll wait til the fair queen sits by his side once more.