A paper cut

A ****** machete

Became a thorn on the focus

Became the pause on the focus

A wail of the wee ones

A whirl on the freeways

Became a soft smothering

Became a daft splattering.

Shadows settle where warmth once stood

On windowsills

Beneath quilted covers

Emancipated, gaunt figures now linger there :

Reeking of desperation, to make sense of the cold.

We'll hang up our cowls & capes

In the thick of the collapsed ruins

Cranking one last tune on expired phonographs

Groaning as osteofluorosis plays his merry tune again

Still, gazing with the vast emptiness of long-lost eyes,

As a long lost chord haunts these halls again, we mutter :

"I can hear it now, like I heard it then."

A numb sense of right & wrong

The aftermath of events went nuclear


Making an esoteric pact all alone by a round table

Who what when why - identity crisis of belief

Even with the chill of culmination


I recall the actual events of long ago, like it was yesterday.

the sensations of formerly heralded emotions

begin as pins and ******

ode to them as tears appear on skin taut as paper

undertow of familiar ashes beneath papyrus heart, rosetta mind

though that fragile bough breaks, hurtling us to our end.

While I eventually await the end - all siren call

Of the heat death of our universe

Killing time with the minutiae of hourglasses

Enroaching sub-zero temperatures ensure I will never achieve that closure.

The absence of heat, rather than being in a true inverse of statement, i.e : It is warm - it's hot, instead, i. e : It's cold - there is no warmth, there is absence of heart. This brings to mind peculiar similarities with emotional states, where even sorrow brings a flushed face and tears streaming through eyes.


However, the absence of heat, in the emotional spectrum, is indeed a disastrous precedent. It brings to mind detachment, depression, and a distinct emotion of loss.

Gaunt, slipping through time, evading notice.

Buried alive, a small comfort, exaltation of terra firma.

Gauntlets equipped, not unlike shackles, once more into the fray.

Unearthed, foul arcana preserving an empty husk, begging for rest in moans.

Lay me beside you

Lay me to rest


I dare not meet your eyes

Not even in my dreams


Forever tending to the flames between us

Forever shivering in the void you left.

In the ruins of previous lives, ghosts meandered. (soft cheer, and laughter.)

With a skylight turned inside out, cracks, fenestrating form. (soft sobbing, and fear.)

On the desk lay stained glass, and the ashes of yesterday. (softer times, and love.)


Just in time, for the air sirens.

Illustrations on the glass, now of resignation.

Musty tomes fluttered, and in the unnatural torrent of gales,

Angels of metal sent love letters, to wash it all away with indifferent flames.

How are you?

I end up funneling warmth to that part of me.


How have you been?

A simple query, to see if you're still there.


I've missed you.

Bitter frost cracks open with the uninvited warmth.

There is magic where we once held memorable moments

Your glances, there was perfect chemistry in them, enough to quell the melatonin within.

I'll wrangle my ghosts, sipping from a goblet of ashen intent, dusty wills.


Where's the haunting?

I caught you lying

I caught you picking your teeth off the floor

Not so pretty now are you?


Now your dead soul calls out again to me.

Your portrait decays the longer I observe it.

I don't think you deserve the vibrant colours you've been etched by.


Perplexed, perhaps these are my reservations speaking.

Awake, awaiting for your presence to bring a warm pulse shimmering in meaningful gazes.

It has been a long time since the fires flitted across my mind.

Has passion simmered down, or am I just ashes, waiting to be reborn?

My own words

Clawed fiery tantrums

Across my contents of the breast


Her very presence

Kissed icy trails

Deep into tissue


She was the very essence of void

Drying up all my fiery wounds

Desiccating me into dust.

And with the persistence of silence


I turn to the previous chapters


And relive them once more.

With once forgotten sensuality


I kiss you again.

I wish this cold warmth of assurance could've been shared.

I hoped that you would've come along, as whole as you were.


((As thick as this lead is, my genuinity was for it all.))


But now, as thin and fading my writing becomes

I've become similar, with soul truly bare

And heart, flushed with actual sunlight.

Neither one of us want to say goodbye

Now, I'll be looking you in the eye.


Narrow rivers of red trickle down my arm

Only tears stream down our faces, the knife digging deeper.


Oh, shrouded in grief we became.


Only a minute for us to breathe.


And time resumes, cloaked once again from perception.

It was not courage I found, dwelling up inside.

I roared at empty spaces til I bled out.


Neither was it hope, clinging unto shreds.


I tore apart, tattered ataraxia.

I found the elusive line between cacophony & symphony.

Here I lie,


In peace.

The persistence of loss insinuates that we once had something, only to lose it.


My blood rushed throughout my body, as I felt countless lips pass mine.

My blood rushed throughout my body, as I recalled endless hurt trickling down my eyes.


The persistence of loss states we were once more, then we understood that we lost things we never knew we had.

Our soft pleading drowns out even the shrillest of screams.


So why does loss play on our tongues,

More than ever, moving on?

She is boundless

Eternal

Tears well up in my eyes

For her love was eternal

As time relinquished its hold over logic

And the sparks reignited frigid hearts

Returning to furnaces of courage, bravery and purpose,


She is the ocean. And she lies asleep, awaiting.

There have been a dozen homes

a thousand kisses

but only seven wild flowers litter the porch of memories

baring their beauty in stark consistent contrast of concrete

year after year

as if their presence

unyielding

unwelcome

showed that love

would always


stay.

Blue was the sky

On that beach

Blue were your eyes

As I kissed you

Now red is what I see

And we fell apart

Taking each apart

The tunes swept over me

the shudder down my spine


Have you finally returned?


Or are you just



Visiting?

take me with you

whisper gently

as I lay still

burning up & away

as the pills consume warmth

and your cold arms, outstretched

hold me again.

You fed me something real

fed me something true


Now I'm down with the chills

withdrawing from the terrible lie

of warmth eternal

As cold fire wrapped around sight / (the blood to my veins)

Purpose-emblazoned beauty cascaded / (beauties that will never be yours)

Dropping the hatchets armed to teeth/ (his walls came down for lack of restraint)

Looks that swept base instincts


I understand now

if love was meant to stay

love wouldn't end up



this cold.

My eyes fall back down on the floor.


Grounded, but secure.


This is the logical result : I'm leaving the burn marks behind.

A cool, dry corpse, crackling apart piece by piece in the wind.

Leaving only, beautiful bleached bones behind.

With renewed vigor

A slip of the hip

The grip of the finger

I chuckle

I've gotten myself into a pickle, it seems.

For the first time in forever

I'm looking forward to basking in the sun

In the brilliance of something greater than all my dalliances

I'm feeling it now

Actual sunlight.

I look upon these manacles which I could so easily slip from

These bars that hold me prisoner

So welcome

I'm beginning to forget

The beauty about loss

You crave for sepia

With the intensity of these feelings

Feeling goosebumps up my spine

Of condensation of sensation

(you are being too ******* yourself)

<I don't think I would go anywhere without dominance>

<dominance of my thought, heart and soul>


(It's like you're not letting me in.)

<You're projecting.>


I feel what they must have felt, so long ago.

It feels like leaving hope

:   but I am left withered   :
:   choices to accept   :
:   my role in all this   :

My body's silently cooling back down

The warmest dead body I've ever had.


Yet as I fade away from you, from me


I'm beside you, in time.

This will come true

Pull me out of this pyre

Be my broken record

Repeating what I need to hear

Til I fall

Deep


Deep





Deep









For you.

And if finding
That I moved

from wanting you
Needing you

To not desiring

Any of this



I deserve to be forgotten.

Through the scant scratches of pain

And the breaking of reasoning

Thus the collapse of love

Aether illuminating the aftermath's gloom


We've come to realize

Life will always find a way.

Dancing, we go again, not unlike a carousel, spinning in place.

Memories of yesterday when you opened your eyes,

Expecting you to utter words I knew you would never speak


It's time to put this chapter to rest

The future is a white canvas


And only my will

Can leave traces on it.

Fire.

Fire everywhere again.

Only that their flames are freezing ones.

That the warmth, once emblazoned into their being,


Is long dead & gone.

All I ever was, to find validation from others.

All that I am now , for contentment.

Look at me, look upon my city and tremble.
We lie asleep, waiting for when the time s ripe,
In shackle's rust, in ragged breaths.

Fear the night's chilling embrace.

Shuffling all the cards I've played back into my deck,
Closing up all the stitches I've got over it all.

Kicking down the throttle of this machine once more,
It roars to fire and smoke, bringing my focus stage right.

I'm searing into the sunset without you.

The months have come and passed
The seasons changed for time withers away the mightiest amongst us

So why do I feel so alone?
Time heals all wounds
But I think Father Time forgot about me.

One day I'll find new skin to begin with,
One day I'll find new eyes to yearn with.

I just have to keep working at my heart.

Selfish til the end, I never thought I'd be like that.

Within the Grey, I saw the Light.
Within the Black, I shook with fright.
Within the White, I stepped into blight.

I'll let the fires scorch my very soul.

No more succor, no more vice.


If only to keep myself humble.

Fire, fire everywhere once more.

The only difference, in the middle of this tempest,


I am licked and caressed by the coldest flames I've ever felt.