I have yet to allow myself to REALLY cry about this entire thing,
But I have found that when tears do find their way out of me,
They’ve started to taste like blood when they run in to the mouth that you used to kissgood morning,
And on every departure,
And in between for no reason.


My chest hurts.

How easily, my love
Could I say the same
When it comes to words you spit out at me

Like venom.

5 days pre move-in,
I stand in this apartment, cleaning,

Scrubbing,

Turning a mid-grade apartment in to a cozy home, something you know I’ve done many times before.

I keep hearing a click at the front door, and every time I turn around, I expect you to be standing there,

But all I’m met with is a view of the park, completely unblocked with the body of somebody that I miss.

I got the patio furniture today. And I put it together myself.
It took me two hours, but I did it.

I can’t stop thinking about the fact that you would probably be proud of me.

Maybe not, though.

As I stood over the sink, being abrasive with the stove knobs and “Goo-Gone” I remembered I’m not supposed to wear my ring when I’m doing stuff like this.

It’s fine, I checked.

And I put it back on.

Having it off feels foreign,

Just like not being able to turn around and tell you about how much of a headache this **** is giving me.

I’m starting to wonder if I came here to clean, or if I just wanted to cry in peace.

It’s 8:45pm, and I wish that you would find your way to my front door.

When you write poems upon peoms,
And there is someone centered at each one,

They are rarely someone that you do not love

I just want you to know that as I sit in this living room, I think about the fact that we are in the same houses we were four years ago, in the same town, yearning to reconnect.

And this feels like the most excruciating deja-vu.

**** this.

Before moving to Washington,
I was forewarned of the long stretches of rain,
And I though about how relieved I would be,
To not suffer through yet again,
Another Wisconsin winter,
And it's unforgiving cold.

But it is now that I sit in this rain,
Thinking of that cold,
And of the warm heart that resides within it,

Missing me.

To the boy who's more fine than any truancy ticket I ever received back then~
(I know, my puns are great, I'll be here all night, thank you.)

I called you perfection,
And you said I am life,
You've always been my best friend,
Hardly a hint of strife,
Through heaven and hell we've traveled,
Along with Earth, space, and time,
I love hearing your two cents,
And you're such a dime ;),
One day our only distance,
Will be showering alone,
But for now your face lives,
In the screen of my phone,
The past five years has been crazy,
That I won't deny,
But I've always found home in a boy,
Who loves vanilla chai,
We were so bad when we were kids,
Skipping and smoking in your mom's garage,
But I've always loved being,
A two man entourage,
If there's anyone I was meant to do life with,
In this big, weird world full of fuss,
It was the boy who shouted "YOUR MOM!",
In my face, on the bus,
Sometimes I'm still shocked,
That we're both now adults,
But this whole time you've loved me,
Despite all my faults,

I called you perfection,
And you said I am life,
I'll be ****** if one day,
I'm not your wife.
❤️