When the tears flow, there's no stopping them. The come cascading down, along with those chains you use to control your heart.
The tears you refused to cry so many times, because you wanted to be strong ,you wanted to be in control.
But did you know that in holding in those tears, pushing away those feelings only make them worse when they return?
Yes ,you did. So when you can't hide it on your own anymore, you turn to the bottle ,or anything that can numb your emotions.
And in that moment, that first gulp, or cut, or meal skipped, that is when the invisible tears start, and that is when I Wish I Could Cry.

They say there is a song for everything
For every triumph
For each failure
For everything

Well ?

Is there a song for me?

A song that ranges from a soft operatic voice to a death metal voice
The chirruping almost sickening happiness voice
The soft melancholic voice
Is there a song like that?

Well?

Is there a song for me?

A song that will tell you about my smiles when I was younger
A song that will indulge you within emotions I never understood
A song that will take you through the fear of the first rugby game and the pain of the fractured wrist
The daunting experience of a first crush ....
The terror of being plunged in awareness.....
The horror of being ostrasized
Spending my time alone with my new awareness
Being taunted
Being teased

Well.....

Is there a song for me?

A song to show my emotions
My realization that I was different
My horror at being different
My hatred at the world
My hatred at god
And his falsehoods
My looking into a mirror and seeing naught but something you hate
My masochism
My scars
My life.....

Well

Is there a song for me?

Let me put it this way
If our life is a constant swim in deep waters
We would need to swim long and far
We face our fears and pains in the forms of monsters trying to pull us under
We face life as the water trying to drown us
We face things in such a fatalistic manner
Let's cheer up
Let's make sure that if there is a newbie swimming next to us that looks at us
Let's make sure that that newbie can and will see how to swim
And swim we shall
We shall swim and kick the monsters in their ugly faces
And rise above life's efforts to drown us and we will soar
Oh how we will soar. We shall soar the skies and the water will never again hurt us.


We will soar

If I asked you to make me sad
Would you paint the streets with sorrow?
If I asked you to make me angry
Would you tear peace asunder for me?  
If I asked you to make me nostalgic
Would you rip open your brain to present those sweet memories?
If I asked you to **** me
Would you?
Would you paint the streets with my blood?
Would you tear my heart asunder?
Would you rip open my skull?
Would you **** me?

There sits a man
With a wooden leg and a thousand wrinkles
Smoke around his blue sailors cap
Smoke shrouding all but his eyes in a mysterious sense of pain
The smoke fades from a gentle grey to a dark midnight black
Now there are only the eyes
The purple eyes sticking out of a shroud of black smoke as if they were the beacon to heaven
The eyes stare into the distance
Suddenly a part of the black smoke curls into itself and explodes in a rush of air and stale old smoke
Now there are two dots of lucios purple smoke
They float towards me and stay there
With a strange glint in them they look towards the black smoke
I say look for that is what they were doing
The blavk smoke starts moving inwards
As if there were a great source of power summoning theme
The speed increases and I feel extreme fear and power
I blink
And right there sits the man
With a wooden leg and a thousand wrinkles
With a blue sailors cap
But now his wrinkles are different
They are black
Like the smoke that moments ago was around him
That smoke was now in him
His skin was normal
Soft as a baby but his wrinkles were black
The two purples eyes that float before me seem to beckon towards the wrinkle in the mans brow
I walk forward and I look into the wrinkle
The eyes float behind my head now
Suddenly a force pushes me into the wrinkle
I fall in the vast abyss that is this wrinkle
And I feel it all
Pain
Fear
Love
Death
Hatred
Apprehension
Lust
Sadism
Masochism
But above all guilt
The horrible darkness pushes the guilt into my soul and crushes me
What did this man do that is hidden by his wrinkle did he....
There sits a man
With a wooden leg and a thousand wrinkles
And a blue sailors cap

Society
You did it
                    Whatever it is
It hurts
It burns
It lies
It destroys

Society
You did it
                    Whatever it is
It shows the truth
To blind eyes
It hides the truth
From sharp gazes

Society
You did it
                    Whatever it is
Lies upon lies
Truth behind the wall
Secrets exposed
To those who don't understand

Society
You did it
                    Whatever it is

IT IS SOCIETY

That book
Was everything
All my lies branded upon the pagez
All my secrets hidden with paranoid precision
All my desires inscripted onto the lines
All my thoughts  made physical by pen
All the ink that has bren used
All the pages filled with my darkest lusts
All those tear stained torn pages
All of the pagez stained with blood born of my own suffering
That book is not everything about me
THAT BOOK IS ME

and you stole it
You stole me