ground zero
i become aware of boundaries
i am a dog chasing cars
i sing your voicemail to sleep
there are no surgeon general warnings
to tell me that
the objects in the mirror
are more depressed than they appear
so how do i tell you
that there are parts of my life
that move slower
without you in them?
or that i look for you every day
in emails & unanswered calls
in the sunrises
i didn't choose to be awake to watch
that i sometimes still stare at doorways hoping you would walk through them
   *stage 1 you tell your new lover you've got a splinter and they pull the sound of your body falling asleep on mine out of your fingertip
   stage 2 your new lover says something at dinner that makes you choke so they call 911 & the paramedics do the hymleich not knowing you would ***** our promises all over the the restaurant
   stage 3 your new lover surprises you by cleaning the house & washes the shirt you kept next to the bed, not knowing it was the last thing you had that smelled like me
after
people always ask
what was loving her like?
after a really long silence
i just say
"it must be nice"
but i never say
it's watching paint dry
i never say
it's a window seat in hell
i don't tell anyone
about the dreams
where i am reading you
bedtime stories
each one is a different way you die
& every time i can never save you
dreams where what i think
are angels in my bedroom
are just homeless versions
of myself you never loved
i have dreams
where i pay someone to shoot me
just to see if you would cry
just to see
if you would cradle my body
i don't tell people
that loving you is like
playing piano
for someone who can't hear
that it's hitting repeat
on my favorite song
& forgetting the words
every time it starts over
that it's finding out
there's no milk after you already
poured yourself a bowl of cereal
it's getting locked in the dark
& being told to
look on the bright side
that loving you is like
being reminded of what it felt like
the first time
you accidentally let go
of a balloon as a child
it's drowning without the water
it's the feeling you get
when you start to dance
& the song ends

You are the kind of woman
That if
I were to put a flower in your hair
(Dark beautiful hair like a black churning waterfall)
It would make you the most beautiful woman
(Because beauty is indeed in the eye of the beholder)
On this world
You would be the type of woman that is imagined in the jungle
Wearing plants but somwhow making it look good
(Because that flower compliments you so well)
And you magnify that flower's beauty ten ******* hundred times more than any other woman
And it's a symbiotic relationship
Because you two perfectly compliment each other
But there's some nice irony to it
Because if I were the flower
I would be beautiful
And so would you
We would be perfectly beautiful
But it's not symbiotic
Because it doesn't matter how exceptional you are
I'd still ******* die when I'm plucked

He doesn't like the taste of black coffee
but he swears he could drown in her eyes.
He hates mornings
because there aren't any stars to look up at
but her smile shines just as brightly.
The sound of birds chirping
makes him want to scream,
but her voice sounds like wind chimes
and he wouldn't mind waking up early
if it means he'll get to listen to it.

13- You can't stay mad at him/her for more then a minute or two, and you have to actually try and stay mad.

12- You'll read his/her IMS or other msgs, over and over and over again.

11- You'll walk really, really slow while your with him/her.

10- You'll feel shy whenever your with him/her

9- While thinking about him/her your heart will beat faster and faster.

8- By listening to his/her voice you'll smile for no reason what so ever.

7- While looking at that person you won't be able to see anybody else that's around...only that person.

6- He/she becomes all you think about.

5- You'll get high just by their smell...

4- you'll start listening to really slow songs

3- You'll realize your always smiling to yourself when you think of him/her

2- You'll do anything for him/her

1- While reading this there was ONE person on your mind the WHOLE time.
                                                           ^-^

I think about what it would be like
I imagine that it would taste fresh and minty
Cold and shockingly hot
I imagine my eyes glazing over in a total reverence for her soft lips
And hers igniting in a flame of....
Something
That makes this kiss better
And easier as if it were always meant to be
I imagine that after the kiss she would rest her head on my shoulder
And she would smile and feel safe while I held her
And I would finally feel what I suspect only she can make me feel
I would feel adequate