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I've heard that "No man is an island, entire of itself" but
There are days.....

I wonder "Is the juice worth the squeeze?"
am I winning this battle, just to lose the war?
because oceans have swallowed me whole
and the tides are pulling at my shore

My screams only echo, causing tsunamis that
threaten to destroy every remnant of sanity I have left
So I pray to a god I know doesn't exist
or if he does, he must be deaf

most days I feel like my daughter
would be better off with her father dead
if it wasn't for her smile, I swear this life
would turn from gold to lead
the coffee flowed through tales of three lovers,
all dead now, somehow  
he managed to squeeze in a live one, number four,
over apple pie with melted cheese  
she was still coming around, usually after her AA meetings
helping him fill his apartment with Lucky Strike haze  
(only woman he knew who smoked unfiltered ****)  
he did not know why she watched him drink  
maybe he was her 40 days in the desert,
tempting her with the libations
she loved more than her own flesh,  
(her son in Waukegan with his sober dad)    
maybe he was her test, he didn’t give a **** he said  
she was quiet in his bed
often, like a thief in the night,
she would be gone when he woke in the morning  
a book or two missing, ones he had read
and filled with notes, some with pages torn out
that lined his walls, even his crapper he said  
where he could stand and drain his lizard
read Ezra Pound and Elliot and ask himself  
why the **** did those guys use so many words?  
when he ate the last crumbs of his pie, he told me
he meant to ask me the same question,
but the answer would be too long,
that I asked questions that did not need answers
I tried to tell him
I felt the same way, but
he fired up another Lucky Strike,
and asked for the check
which I would pay
and I knew, he would hear nothing
I had to say
Now I notice
how your eyes burn
blowtorch-blue
when you look at love
looking back at you.

they could cut
through iron bars;
set free
the wish to settle down,
caged within men like me.
I stood with my father in the
shop, by the register.  

the eager, blue eyes of
a toddler

-bright blonde hair,
minature hand treasuring a

promised lollipop- met old
ones so sorely remembering the

likeness to that boy my brother and
I held, all those years ago.

his little face nearly exploded
in a smile up at the kind,

weathered man. my father smiled,
no, laughed back in a spontaneous

outburst of appreciation at this
glimpse thirty odd years back in

time, where either one of his
two little gods of pride

looked up; back, and
smiled with their little hearts

full of safe, soft, adoring life.
so far from the two rugged men

we've become.
towering, no longer

asking for anything.
for a few seconds, I saw divinity

between the
two of them,

and
thanked.
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