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In our struggle to be different
we force ourselves down pathways
that only lead to conformity

Pawns, with broken minds
trying to heal the symptoms
and not the disease

we tell ourselves, that
we do as we please

Victims of cognitive dissonance

In our efforts to be free
we imprison ourselves
to a job, and narrow avenues
that guide us like cattle
to a single-file slaughter
  Aug 2014 The Messiah Complex
Chloe
Rebellion smells like apples, cinnamon
and *****.
On a gravel road swallowed whole by
a surrounding forest of lush greens
we stood in opposition, revolution
firearms nestled in our hands.

We rebelled against alcoholism.
Drunk, amber soldiers stumbled across
the uneven surface of the log they vacated.
Our bullets shattered them one by one.
The rifle’s kick back slammed against me.
The cracking echo of each gunshot
filled the hollow chiseled in my chest
and tenderized my brain.    

Shards of hard cider and hard liquor
spattered the dirt; the bright red
of the Angry Orchards’ labeling
bleeding war into the earth and grit.

We searched for survivors.  
The air was perfumed with Cinnamon Apple
and *****.
The soft spice of autumn and harvest
wafted gently up my nose
followed by the sharp scent of
disinfectant, hospitals, stainless steel.
It was the smell of *****, my default.

Nudging a dusty bottle neck with my toe
I couldn’t help but think back to  
the angry, open-mouthed kisses
I once shared with my bottles
early in the morning until late at night.
A furious thirst surged through me.
I still wanted a drink.
On my journey of discovery
I've realized that,  sometimes
the weight of one's words are harder
to bear than one might expect
Why do you crucify me
with sharpened words, as if somehow
your strength relies
on my weakness?

Nowadays, I feel less like lover
and more like sacrificial lamb
and though it's a role I've embraced
my eyes, are dampened daily with tears
that hold no miracle or favor

if I could, I would pull myself down from this cross  
but you drove the nails in too deep this time, and I
only have just enough strength
to turn this water into wine

I begged you to just hold on, hoping
things would get better with time, and that
we would build a shelter together, but

you couldn't, and
I understand why
but don't fault me because
I can't be your savior

*I would save you, if I could
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