I've built a house for me and him. We both loved the ocean so naturally our nest was always going to be water bound. A sharp house of Japanese cypress, with a metallic accent, and minimalistic in style to mirror the en vogue interior trend. We have a library together, which you've coordinated according to size even though I liked your previous system better - arranged by colours! The kitchen was the heart, I always cooked for you, and you ate with an efficiency and joy that could only be described as a talent - that made me more full than the food ever did. Summer was my favourite; salty hair, and sun-kissed skin (Also! The taste of sugar plums always benefited from the seasoning of the heat). The languor of us watching each sunset became so safe for me, and I felt as warm as the red wine we drank, and I think everything was perfect, and you were what I needed.

But don't look too closely,
I'm scared
You'll see that our bed is too neat.
From the fact that
He has never slept here
With me
In this house
That I've built
For us.

Maybe if you didn't have a bad sleep?
Maybe if I had wore a different jumper?
Maybe if you liked your coffee differently?
Maybe if I didn't listen like that?
Maybe if we didn't get into the National Gallery for free?
Maybe if I was less interested in the Terracotta Warriors?
Or more? Or if I didn't miss you pointing out that ***?
Maybe if you weren't in a relationship.
Maybe if I wanted one.
Maybe if you also ordered the ceviche? You nearly did.
Maybe if I drank gin neatly?
Maybe if you wanted me, like you said you would?
Maybe if I wasn't so greedy for the romanticisation?
Maybe if you didn't think I would break this beautifully?
Maybe if I didn't think I would break this beautifully?
Maybe if.

The red rumours of your ocean lips,
And the infinities in your eyes.
Your softness, and your power
To stop Earth's old and weary cries.
The fetish, the chase, the hunt, the high.
And I thought this was how I die.

Alas, you were never close enough for even a whisper.
And, I shall grow old, and this is all I'll ever know.
Not a taste of the years I would have given you.
Not a laugh once more.
I sighed.

My heart is a weapon.

I don't think you understand how stunning I am as a predator. I sleep on the ocean so cruelly and fierce, it kissed me and left.

Time killed itself so it can be with you.

And I've been weak, and I'm so sharp.
And I'll love you into oblivion,
And you will tremble.