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Benji Lovell Jun 2016
I continue my life.
I still wonder why.
My darkness has come back.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I still wonder why I feel the same.
I've tried everything and still no light.
Sometimes I wonder if I ever will be truly happy.
I have a ****** up life and still do.
I found my light after awhile of searching for it.
The question is will the light come back?
Come back to get rid of my darkness.
So I can actually start to love my life again.
To truly cherish the precious life I have.
Only time can tell.
But time is catching up to me.
Benji Lovell May 2016
As I walk through the valley of pain and regret, I see the rocks crumbling around me.
Surrounded by my past. Old emotions and memories I shouldn't be thinking of. Sometimes I wonder why? I continue to walk hoping that the rocks will stop falling so I can continue to my path with ease. Things haven't been good in my life. It does have its moments. My life is like a cloudy day. You don't know if it's gonna rain and storm. My life has been full of pain and regret and little light. As I try to continue on with my dull life I ask you who is reading this. Should I continue? Should I go on and move forward and hope for the best? I am confused and in my emotions and old memories that I shouldn't be thinking of and don't know what to do. I ask you.....the reader. Should I?
Benji Lovell Aug 2015
My life I thought was good and now it's better. You made your move and now it's mine. I'm on my own path. My path in life. This road I have taken has made me anew. Where I was at I thought I had it all. Now I know I have it all. I've been on so many roads and have been nothing but dead ends. Time to cut the ties that has held me back and continue on forward. My life has never been better. The times I was in were just shorts periods of happiness. Now my happiness is continuous. I have found someone who doesn't play with my mind or put me through stress. Who actually wants me and will do anything they can to make me happy. Who hasn't led me on. I have been through a lot of relationships. But I think this one is the truest and honest one I've had. We've already been stressed, irritated, aggravated, etc. But we have still stuck together and have made each other happy and fulfill our needs and wants. Never a dull moment. Never. So thank you for making your mistakes because if it wasn't for you I wouldn't be where I am at today. A better person and having a good woman who cherishes time with me and loves me for who I am.
Benji Lovell Feb 2015
I sit here and type this wondering a lot of things.
I have been through a lot of pain.
I have been through a lot in so little time.
Sometimes I wonder.....
Why?
You still mean everything to me and still will do anything for you.
All I want in return is your love.
Please don't ever let go when you wrap your arms around me.
Kiss me out of the blue and just randomly love on me.
I'm sorry for my mistakes.
I'm still here to make things right.
Yeah I'm still scared that it might happen again.
Yes I sometimes questions our relationship.
I'm just scared that it might happen again.
I'm scared to lose you again and that's why I'm doing whatever it takes to put that smile on your face.
To see you happy and make things right.
To see that smile on your face and for you to be yourself makes me so happy.
Feeling your arms around me and your lips touching mine are so amazing.
I can be a handful at times.
I can be irritating too.
But please don't give up on me.
Please don't ever give up on who or what you love.
Because I love you and I will never give up on you.
Just please don't leave me.
Please keep loving me and don't stop.......
Benji Lovell Jan 2015
These feelings I have felt for you have finally gotten me back to you.
Seeing your smile once again and you lips pressed on mine were like a dream come true.
Thank you for coming back to me even though I don't have much to offer.
Yeah we made a mistake.
But we both are together again to make it up to each other.
I prayed and hoped that this day would come and it finally did.
I didn't give up on you because your worth the wait.
Yeah it may have been just a few days.
But for me those few days seemed like years.
Please don't leave me again.
It still terrifies me that it might happen again.
But hey.....
That's called life.
**** happens.
I promised you this and I still promise you.
No matter what happens.
No matter where we are at or what we are doing.
I'm never going to give up on you.
I promise...............
I feel so happy again. :) Lol
Benji Lovell Jan 2015
I know that we are not together.
I know that we are both trying to better our future relationship by making ourselves better for it.
Right now......
I'm barely keeping my sanity.
Seeing you today was the best day so far.
Hugging you and seeing you smile was all I needed to make my day.
You still are loved even though you might think your not.
You are still cared about even though you might think no one cares.
I'm still here.
I'm still waiting for you return.
I promised you before anything bad happened that I wouldn't give up and I'm still keeping that promise.
We just need some time apart.
Yeah we were only together for such a short time.
Yeah we told each other we loved each other and it might've been soon.
But I meant it all.
You have been the only one to accept me for who I am.
You overlooked my failures and imperfections and accepted me for who I was.
That's why it's hard to let you go.....
You mean the absolute world to me and it scares you that I'm like this.
Please just don't give up on me.
Yeah I have my moments and make you mad.
I also get on your nerves with questions.
I can be a pain but please don't give up.
I promise you if you are trying to make us better don't stop.
I promise you I am worth it because I know that you are.......
This happened January, 27th 2015. It made my day.
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